First time seeing SS after abuse claims
So social services and the police have completely cleared me of the ridiculous abuse claims from BM and SS. She has been coaching her son to tell police I punch him, throw him down the stairs force him to watch me and his father have sex etc etc bleugh!!!! I know hes only 4 and its all her coaching but Im really at the end of my rope!!!! DH has been seeing his son at his mum and dads house but now wants to start bringing him home for the weekend like we used to do (I have had no contact since this latest lot of allegations 3 months ago). Im am at a total loss as to what to do I absolutely DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THE SAME HOUSE!!!! but I feel that is really unfair to DH he is a fantastic husband and a grt dad to his son AND mine. I appreciate how great he is with my BS and feel like such a hypocrite that im allowing my fear of more allegations stop me from building bridges with his son. My gut is telling me to stay at my mums this wkend to keep myself safe but does that mean Im a bitch? :?
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Get a nanny cam.
Get a nanny cam.
Ummmm…yea…that is where I
Ummmm…yea…that is where I would draw the line.
Claims like that can ruin your whole life. And taint your reputation. You could even lose your kids because of something like that. I would not put myself in a situation where I would EVER be alone with him. Not even with just DH around.
Either public meeting only
Either public meeting only and stay at your mum's place OR ensure your DH is with his son at any and all times you are. I personally wouldn't risk myself if I had kids of my own - the stakes are too high.
OR ensure your DH is with his
OR ensure your DH is with his son at any and all times you are
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I really don't even think that is good enough. The child said that they made him watch DH and her have sex. So the kid could say that again if he is alone with DH and TTBC.
This is a whole new level of
This is a whole new level of evil that you're dealing with.
I dealt with BM's bullshit, PAS of SD, constant tantrums, SD's whining and complaining, below the belt jabs, and much, much more. I probably would have kept working through it, but I had to draw the line when BM made allegations of abuse against me after DD2 was born. The allegations didn't even have anything to do with SD...BM just wanted to destroy my happy life. For the first four months of my baby's life, I was a sick, nervous wreck. I couldn't stop crying, I was incredibly depressed, and it was so difficult not to beat BM's ass for messing with my family.
The allegations were unfounded, of course, but we'll never get those first months back. It tainted what should have been an amazing time in our lives. I stopped ALL communications and contact with BM immediately. I would ignore her if she called, sent a text or email, or talked to me face-to-face. I would literally act as though she was invisible and didn't exist. It got her pretty enraged a few times, but eventually she stopped trying to engage me. I tried really hard not to let BM's actions affect my relationship with SD, because she has no control over what BM does. It was difficult to not talk to SD about what her mother had done to us, but I didn't see how hashing it out with her would help.
SD went back to BM's after living with us for over a year, just to avoid being grounded for lying and spending the night at some random MAN's house. I'm sure that SD felt she had been wronged by being held accountable for her own actions, because BM has always shown her that running away from your problems is easiest. In order to avoid having to face any issues with us, or answering any questions around her leaving, SD made allegations of abuse against both me and DH. Now I am done with both of them, and SD cannot enter my home again. Neither DH or I feel comfortable being alone with SD anymore. It's just too dangerous. We can't risk our family for someone that can so easily lie about such heinous things.
If you find it too risky to be around your SS (which it sounds like it is), don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault, it's BM's jealousy gone way out of control. Isn't this one of SM's worst fear? Things like this can ruin lives, not to mention marriages. If BM doesn't want you around her son so much that she's willing to lie to state authorities and coach her son to lie as well, I'm not sure where the line she won't cross is. That's scary.
Yeh I just hate seeing how
Yeh I just hate seeing how torn DH is about all of this. When we got the social services report back it showed how on the days she has him he goes to school with no lunch. He has been admitted to A&E 3 times this year with a head injury, for 'accidently' swallowing a bottle of calpol and cutting himself whilst playing with knives! All in her care and all without us knowing. The calpol and head injury we didnt kno about at all and the knife incident she explained away bcos there was an obvious cut. We have wanted to go for full custody b4 the latest set of bull but her brother is a junkie who has just been convicted of stabbing his own cousin! With me having my son its just not a risk Im willing to take bcos I wouldnt put anything past her and her whack job family!!! The only good thing to come out of all this is that while police have been investigating me they have found out she is not looking after her kids (4 altogether with 4 different dads) teachers, doctor, health visitors have all been concerned but noone actually reported her so really shes shot herself in the foot by trying to frame me cos now shes on their radar!!! thick as pig muck!! all this for a stupid drunken one night stand 5 yrs ago!! I hear what you are saying about ruining what should be a special time. We just celebrated our first anniversary we should still be in our honeymoon phase instead its constant phonecalls texts if not from her then from some other institution! HELLLPPPPP!!!!!
Never be alone with the
Never be alone with the child. My SD made allegations to friends that I hit her. Now after giving up custody of her two years ago, she is still not allowed back in my house...Sorry, but I won't take a chance that she can say that again. I live in a small town and have a good reputation in my community through lots of volunteer work and fundraising and I will not sacrifice that for a child.
I would never be alone with the kid and I would make sure the mother knows that. DH can see him outside of your house.
I would also consider a slander lawsuit.
Exactly! I work with
Exactly! I work with vunerable children believe it or not!! Thank goodness my firm have been massively supportive and all the doctors I work with are chomping at the bit to be character witnesses should they need to be. The sad thing is I see kids come in to surgery who actually are being abused but the system is so busy being bogged down wadding through the lying crap from 'scorned' exes to help the kids that actually need their help!!! Sad state of affairs. Feel awful too when my son is asking my mum 'why does mummy look so sad all the time nanna?' I thought I was hiding it well!
There isn'y much recanting he
There isn'y much recanting he can do. He is 4.
There are little video
There are little video recorders that you can hang around your neck. OR as another has suggestion NANNY CAMS!!
Don't let the "previously enjoyed family" run you out of your own house!
I like the idea of nanny cam.
I like the idea of nanny cam. The problem there is they can be turned on and off. But with technology what it is today that shouldn't be a problem.
or
have someone there with you at all times.
or
go to your moms. If you do this Bm wins.
You and DH should never be alone with ss. Its very sad that this women has done this to your family. My heart goes out to all of you.
I agree with CW...the kid is
I agree with CW...the kid is 4 so I don't know how long he can continue to see Dad at Grandma's. I feel for you and do not envy the position you are in. All I can suggest is to keep reminding yourself that a four year old cannot come up with these allegations on his/her own. He was prompted to say these horrific things by BM. She and she alone is responsible for this. He is innocent too and was used as a pawn in his mother's sick game.
And I'd definitely take some legal action on BM. Call your attorney and see what your options are. I wouldn't have my lawyer draft up a "cease and desist" letter. This calls for a trip to the court house to be heard by a judge.
Dont really understand what
Dont really understand what the ecclesiastes comment is about there is a time for everything including protecting myself and my son. Doesnt the book of proverbs say the shrewd one forsees the calamity and proceeds to hide himself from it? I would never ever stop my husband from spending time with his son and I have never said he cant come to our house all I can do is make sure I'm not there. I do realise this is not a long term solution but I gave my heart to this little boy and hes put it thru the mincer I cant bring myself to be near him knowing he will tell everyone I'v hurt him. Like one of the previous comments said even in public he could say I touched him in the car on the way there or at home what happens when DH takes a shower or has to answer the door etc?
I think the Ecclesiastes
I think the Ecclesiastes verse is her signature line. ?
Ah I get it now I was
Ah I get it now I was wondering what bearing that had!! Doh!! appologies I'm new to this x
I agree but I can only see
I agree but I can only see that driving a wedge between me and DH. The irony is all her other kids dads walked away from her and the kids and yet here is DH who has stood by her from day one when so many men would have told her to get lost and she makes life hardest on him!!! DH is a better dad to my son than his BF has ever been. Its so hard to watch when I kno hed wishes he was doing all those dad things with his son too!!!!
Cheri, I totally agree with
Cheri, I totally agree with the advice you give in your post. The only thing I would add is that SS may grow up and see what his BM did, but he may turn out to do the same shit. That's what my SD did...she learned from the best manipulator ever, BM.