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Am I a bad person?

tryingtobeglynda's picture

Submitted by tryingtobeglynda on Wed, 10/05/2011 - 9:45am

After enduring a bad marriage to an abusive alcoholic I am now with the man of my dreams and have the famiy I have always wanted. Almost. I have two SC and I don't want them around. They create chaos and disrupt our entire home whenever they visit. And they are emotionally vacant and detached in a way that reminds me of Damien. I feel terrible. That's really an understatement. As a mother to my children I have worked hard to be a good parent. I spend almost my entire previous marriage shielding my children from everything and being a parent who functioned like a single parent. My hubby loves my children and I am so blessed that they have a great relationship. The problem is that he expects that to happen with me re his kids. They will be here Thursday and already I am dreading it. I get so tired of people telling me "they are just little kids" or "you can't be angry/dislike at the kids, only the situation" or "it's up to you to conect with them and make a difference." I don't know whether to make dinner or have a telethon when they are here. I am sick over this and it creates tension in my whole home and it's not fair to those of us who live here all the time.

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mama_althea's picture

Submitted by mama_althea on Wed, 10/05/2011 - 10:42am

I understand how you feel and I also used to beat myself up over it. I tried very hard in the beginning to have a good relationship with SD. Unfortunately, even though I had known her for a couple years, there was just no way of knowing ahead of time what the reality of living with her, even though it's only on weekends, was going to be like. SD is disrespectful, lies, whines, complains, and is just unkind. So, yes, I knew I was getting into a relationship with skids, as people are telling you, but they cannot know how seemingly impossible it sometimes turns out.

Through reading and venting (here and other books/articles) and time, I eventually quit feeling so guilty. I pretty much soldier on with mild disengagement, periodic discussins with SO, and attempts at drawing out behavior in SD that is more pleasant (playing things she likes, offering treats she likes, talking to her and really listening) to kind of divert her from her bad behaviors. Sometimes I'm rewarded, mostly I'm not.

I also sometimes feel it's unfair to subject myself and my kids to her and the tension she brings. When it gets bad enough I plan things for me and my kids to do away from home. When it gets really, really bad I consider ending my relationship with SO. So far, things have always managed to rally back from the brink of doom at the last second and get back to tolerable levels.

Oh, and there's always faking it.