I just don't understand.
This really isn't something that should bother me but it does because it upsets DH.
SS turned 6 last Thursday but it happened to be BM's year with him for his B-day and it fell on her week so DH and I planned on having his B-day party on Sunday night when he returned back to our house for DH's week. BM of course knows this. (Not that we said anything to her about it.) I decorated the house and made him a cake. We usually pre order B-day cakes but this year I wanted to do something special for him so I bought a set of food coloring markers so that he could decorate the frosting on his cake any way he wanted to.
SS and SD get dropped off around 6 pm and DH notices this white stuff on both of their faces. He asked them what it was from and they responded with, "mommy let us having a donut eating constest right before we came over." DH was p!ssed. She did it intentionally to try and ruin the family party that we had setup for SS. He didn't even have a piece of cake because his stomach hurt from eating donuts as fast as he could.
Rewind to the previous week that we had both SS and SD. BM wanted to take them to a B-day party that just happened to fall at 5 pm on Sunday night. Now DH had already told BM several times that he needed both SS and SD at our home at 6 per the CO. She had been trying throughout the week to keep them later and DH stuck to his guns and told her no. That the kids need to be in his care by 6 just in case SS has a freak out. We needed to be able to get him calmed down by 8 so that way he would be rested for school in the morning.
BM responded with a text after DH told her no about the B-day party, I can't quite remember what it said but it was along he lines of her telling the kids that DH said that they couldn't go to the party. DH texted back that he did not say no, that he said that they needed to be back by 6 and that he will be documenting her PAS via text with the kids. She of course responds back with I never intended on telling them that. Yeah right!
We get the kids back on Sunday night and SD told me that the party was cancelled. I asked her why the party was cancelled and she told me that it really wasn't cancelled but daddy said that SS and her can't go. I asked her who told her that and she told me that BM did. I asked DH to come over and had SD tell him what she told me. I then grabbed his phone and showed SD the text that DH sent to BM stating that she could do whatever she wanted on her time but he needed them back at 6. DH sent BM an email in regards to this but she never responded to it.
My questions is why do these things? What's the point? What exactly is she getting out of it other then ruining fun moments that DH can have with the kids and trying to make him look like a monster? How do you combat this type of vindictive behavior?
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Unfortunately it will never
Unfortunately it will never end. SHe is being vindictive and feels like she has the power by doing shit like that. When I was married to my ex, we had to deal with crazy BM to his then 6 yr old daughter. She used to do things just like this. Fast forward 11 years. Obviously I divorced him but crazy BM still pulls this shit on him.
Last summer exh came to town (he lives 600 miles away and sees the girls once a year)they were spending the week at a hotel on the beach. They were arriving in town around 9am. That morning I call my exSD to see if she needs a ride to the hotel as I was bringing my DD11 there to see their dad. She tells me that her and BM are at the beach and have been there since 6am and spent the entire day before their too!! Thats vindictive. She was trying to get her DD sick of the being in the sun so she made her go two days in a row.
You can't change crazy!! She also ruined her kids life because my exSD is now 17 and she is so needy and has no self esteem. Its from her mother telling her every single day that her daddy doesn't love her. Its terrible to do to a kid!!
That's the way that I feel
That's the way that I feel too CH. She's ruining fun moments that the kids can have because she wants to pull some crazy controlling punches with DH. DH and I are just going to have to be cautious when dealing with her. Instead of having parties the day that they come back we'll just have to plan them for the day after and we'll need to keep specail plans with the kids on the downlow so she is not afforded the opportunity to ruin them. It is what it is. I just don't get how she doesn't understand that she is being a sh!ty parent and putting her wants in front of the kids needs.
And this is why we NEVER tell
And this is why we NEVER tell BM or the Skids ANYTHING until the day of. Unless it's something major like a vacation out of the country or something.
Anytime we have informed BM of any event, she has ALWAYS found a way to ruin it somehow. WHO does that? Bitch ass exes that are frustrated do that.
I learned this many years ago and now it works perfectly. We simply say nothing that way she can't ruin it.
Sounds to me that, in
Sounds to me that, in addition to ruining his appetite for his birthday cake, she may have also been trying to sugar him up. With his history of behavior, and knowing full well it takes u until almost 8 p.m. to calm him down, it seems she was pumping him full of sugar so he'd act out, get in trouble, and could easily PAS him with "aww poor thing, ur daddy's just mean to u, u're always in trouble over there."
that's just MHO, i see MIL do it to DH alot...
Maybe she does something like
Maybe she does something like this EVERY week to have the kid go off when he's back with you.
BM used to send SS with a
BM used to send SS with a ziplock baggie of candy every Saturday 6pm when DH picked him up.
Although we have the skids 50%, every weekend is also split - so DH has to get him from BM at 6pm on Saturdays for our half of the weekend. SS doesn't do well with sugar and color either - he is known for meltdowns, we don't have candy, soda, chips or cookies in our home for this reason - so I guess BM felt she should pad him to get him through the next 24 hours with a baggie of candy - OMG - stupid woman.
DH got so mad one day he grabbed the baggie and threw it at her door.
The odd times we do have a treat like cookies (rare because the skids blow through them otherwise) SS gets downright pissy that he only gets one - everyone only gets one - not just him - because with BM he gets 4.
Your BM does this for control more than likely - our BM does similar things - she does whatever she wants whenever she wants and we always pay the price.
The freak outs have nothing
The freak outs have nothing to do with sugar. He has been having issues when BM drops him off at school in the mornings so instead of DH letting her keep the kids overnight on Sundays and dropping them off at school on DH's Monday he is following the CO in regards to Sunday night exchanges until BM can prove she can parent SS.
His freak outs have lead him to assault a police officer when SS decided that he didn't want to go to school on DH's Monday so BM called the cops on him. Both DH and I had to leave work to go down to the school and deal with it because it landed on DH's day. We can't afford to do that so now the exchanges are on Sunday nights. If SS has a temper tantrum when SS has been dropped off at our house we at least have a couple of hours to get him calmed down for bed. The donut thing was to ruin our family b-day party for him. She knew that he wouldn't want to do cake or ice cream. In fact he was actually feeling sick from the donut eating contest.
NEVER share plans with BM or
NEVER share plans with BM or the skids prior to them. We've had plans to bring the skids bowling or to a water park and told them and BM decides that she'll do that with them before we get them, so of course, the kids don't want to do that again. We stopped planning those type of events. Then she started up with the "do anything you want" night after our weekends, the kids could have a free for all at their Mom's upon returns. Guess what the entire weekend was focused on?? "We are going to do this or that when we get home"...enough. Of course, it was never that fun and BM had her attention elsewhere, so it never lived up to all it could be. She got tired of trying to entertain them and poof, it went back to normal.
Who knows if that will happen
Who knows if that will happen with this lady. She's still emotionally involved with DH and when has decided to punish him in any way that she can for him not taking her back. (At least that's my take on it.) If a movie comes out she's taking them opening weekend so we don't get the chance. Learning how to ride their bikes? She took both of those moments too before DH could get a chance. First tooth? She'll rip them right out of their heads so she can have those as well. It's not even about the kids and what's in the best interest of them. It's about her and what she wants. I told DH that he needs to start documenting her behavior just to keep it straight. I don't know if any of it will come in handy in court if needed but at least we'll have it if we need it.
BM was so vicious that she
BM was so vicious that she actually did everything in her power to ruin SSs HS graduation! She made a huge scene up until the last possible second. She kept telling SS that I had no business being at his graduation, mind you SS lives with US!!!
SS cried and everything. Evil, pure fucking evil. Mind you, she is forever posting stupid posts on FB talking about her ENTIRE LIFE IS ALL ABOUT HER BABIES! Dumb bitch....why can't she just choke on a crab leg and die?
BM does crap like this. She
BM does crap like this. She gorges SS13 and SS8 on crap (usually McDonald's or Taco Bell) right before they come over so they won't want to eat the dinners I make. She calls 4-5 days before they go back to her to tell them all about the fabulous things she's got planned for them. That way, they'll be miserable for their last few days with us and all they'll talk about is going back to BM's. She makes them feel bad for having fun with us. Whatever we do with them, she has to take them out and do the same thing or better because in her mind, parenting is a big competition to see who can be the kids' BFF. It's ridiculous. And pathetic.
And that's how it is with the
And that's how it is with the BM in my life. All she wants is to be the most liked. Oh and to make DH suffer as much as possible. I hope it bites her in the a$$ but who actually knows how it will turn out. We just keep on keeping on. I do have no problem with pointing out BM's lies like when I showed SD the text from DH to BM where he told her that he didn't care what she did on her time as long as the kids are back in his care at 6 pm. SD was shocked after she read it. She just looked up at me and said, "my mom lied." I didn't respond and say yep she sure did. I just walked away. I usually wouldn't do this but I'll be damned if she pulls this PAS crap when I have proof of exactly what happened.
Why does BM even know what
Why does BM even know what the plans are for SS party?
She can't ruin them, if she doesn't know. If she was just guessing, thats one thing, but if someone is telling her this stuff, then that's just giving her ammo.
DH and I didn't say anything.
DH and I didn't say anything. I know that SD called DH earlier in the day on Sunday so I guess DH might have mentioned it then. She could have just guessed. SS's b-day was on a Thursday during her scheduled week and we got him back at Sunday at 6. I wouldn't think it would be to hard to put two and two together.
Things will be kept on the downlow from here on out. There is no need for her to know our plans unless we are taking the kids out of state and even then she only needs to know the location that we are going to and not what are plans are.