It's time to find a new hairdresser
For years, I've been going to Starry to get my hair done. But I'm thinking about finding someone new. It's time for me to start setting some boundaries, especially when it comes to my mental health and emotions. She has always done a great job on my hair, but I am no longer comfortable with her doing it.
In fact, I am no longer comfortable with being around Starry without DH there. At this point, I worry that anything I say without witnesses will be used against me. She has already badmouthed me to other family members during the last few years, claiming that I keep DH away from his Arkansas family. She said this to my SIL, then told her that she is more like a mother to Starry than anyone else.
I have never kept DH from anyone. The reason we haven't made a ton of trips there to see his family has been lack of funds.
Anyway...
I've been holding off on finding another stylist (I have about three inches of virgin hair and split ends because I haven't been to the salon in months) because I don't want the backlash that is sure to come when she realizes I've quit going to her. This will most likely offend her, but I'm tired of walking on eggshells.
DH quit going to her a long time ago. He found a barber near where we live.
- used2beRutherford's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Dont overthink
Hun just go to a new stylist, done .
If she ever asks why then tell her the dang truth. Just like you wrote on here.
Nothing you do or say will ever stop this toxic B from twisting the truth and smearing you. She loves that you get styled by her cause that just gives her more opportunities to smear you.
Id rather have a five year old cut my hair than go to my abuser.
Blessings
This
Find yourself another stylist. Why are you even worried about Starry and her "feelings" or "drama?" You know she's going to start crap....just shelter in place and let her have her toddler hissy fit.....all the while, your hair will look GREAT! And start practicing laughing at her stupid behaviors and how unbecoming they are to her..and adult woman. LOL
It's hard not to worry
It's hard not to worry because I have 20 years invested in this. I've gotten in a really bad habit of caring what this girl thinks. It's time to stop. She has proven over the years that she has no problem flipping a switch when it suits her to trample on my feelings.
I Get It
I've been in the game near 20 years. Tolerated horrific treatment. The 12 year mark almost killed me. Then it was a 3+ year journey to heal. Even today, I still have ocasional moments.
No one will EVER be allowed to cause chaos in my life again especially DHs adult crew. My boundaries and expectations are set. Can't follow them. Stay away. I'm fortunate that DHs kids shunned me from step grand status because they cannot "weapon-ize" those children against me. And even if they had, the first attack would have seen me end all that too. I've no time to waste on toxic people.
Best to you.
I stopped going to a
I stopped going to a hairdresser once because she was the sister of an abusive BF that I finally got "out of my life". I told her that she was a lovely person.. did a great job on my hair.. but that my time with her brother was a period I wanted to forget.. and put behind me and I was cutting ties with anyone who had a tie to him. It wasn't personal against her at all.
Find a New One, STAT
Personally, I'd rather try my hand at cutting my own hair with a dull knife before I lef my SD touch one single strand. If you dont mind me asking, if your DH had no issue deciding to take his business with HIS hair elsewhere, then why would you feel so obligated as if you owe her yours? its not up to her. You dont even Owe her an explanation if you ask me. . If she decides to get all unreasonably offended or create drama over it, then let her. Who cares? So what? Let her or anyone else say whatever they want. Its not like they wont find something else to take issue with anyway. I know there are tons of other ( and possibly better) hairdressers out there for you to choose from.
You're right. She has made up
You're right. She has made up reasons that I have offended her in the past, like with this, "I file like Rutherford keeps Daddy away from the family."
It doesn't matter what I do. It will be wrong. So, I should just do whatever the hell I want.
Thats the Spirit!
Knowing this is all the answer you need and more reason to not subject yourself to her as much as you can. Its like she is looking for any reason she can get to stir the pot with you. my SD29 has still tried to pull that same BS since she suddenly decided she has to worry about what I do and dont do for her..and start the guilt tripping over nothing because now she expects my life to be centered around HER overly fragile feelings. Whatever, she can cry a river. . You're a adult too who can do what you feel is best for YOU. If SD or anyone else doesnt like it, then thats too bad. She clearly needs to get a life and mind her own affairs , too if she has nothing better to do than be concerned about where you choose to get your hair cut.
I suspect you'll end up with
I suspect you'll end up with a BETTER cut and style with a new person!
Hair can’t be that important
That your mental health is at stake. Find someone else, maybe your hair will not look as good but you will feel better, hair grows back in.
Always err on the side of
Always err on the side of your own peace of mind.
If she rants, tell her why you left. "I could no longer tolerate your manipulation and backstabbing so I found a stylist I can trust not only with my hair but to be a decent person as well."
Karpman's Drama Triangle.
You can do this the hard way or the soft way.
Hard Way - you just stop going to Starry. This allows her to spin and control the narrative. You're so mean/petty/cheap/sneaky whatever.
Soft Way - you assume a little victim status. Do you pay for Starry's services? Then make it about being low on funds, times are hard, you can't afford Starry so you're going to find a cheaper stylist. You don't pay? Then it becomes you realize Starry could have a paying customer in her chair instead, she has a family to support, she's so talented, you read somewhere about how friends/family take advantage of stylists and you don't want to be that person. AND YOU TELL STARRY DIRECTLY. YOU control the narrative, and how can anyone fault you for being strapped or considerate?
IMO, you'll benefit from having someone who doesn't know you do your hair. They'll bring new vision and possibilities rather than having someome who obviously resents you doing the work.