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DH says he wants to start seeing a therapist

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Submitted by used2beRutherford on Thu, 08/01/2024 - 7:42am

He told me he wants to go to therapy on his own to help cope with his daughter's behavior and to seek some advice on how to properly set and maintain boundaries. 

He told me he is worried that he will cave and continue to let her walk all over us. He admitted that he has been "soft" when it comes to her.

I'm glad he's considering this. He deserves healing too. Starry has not just hurt me by her behavior. She has also deeply hurt her father. He said yesterday that her actions are ruining his relationship with her. 

The whole thing is just sad.

DH and I talked about what we do moving forward

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Submitted by used2beRutherford on Mon, 07/22/2024 - 7:35am

After a lot of discussion, we have come to the mutual decision that Starry is no longer welcome at our house. DH is still very upset with her and is not OK with her hanging out in our home. 

Works for me.

Full disengagement from her also works for me. I am not willing to speak to her unless its absolutely necessary. 

If the grandkids want to come over, that is fine. We (or more likely DH) will go pick them up at their house and bring them here. This way we can drop them back off and Starry does not have to come here. 

It's Time for Me to Fully Disengage. 20 years of this bullshit is long enough

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Submitted by used2beRutherford on Thu, 07/18/2024 - 8:09am

However, I don't want to disengage from the grandkids, just from Starry. Any ideas for how to navigate through this was would be much appreciated.

A few things I am going to do immediately...

1. Stop taking her phone calls.

2. Stop reading and responding to her texts.

3. Never be around her without my husband or her husband present.

4. Find a new hairdresser. She is sooooo fired.

5. Find a new nail tech (because the one I go to now is at Starry's salon). I will have to get my pedicures elsewhere.

Guess who wants to rehash the past... AGAIN

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Submitted by used2beRutherford on Wed, 07/17/2024 - 9:57am

So DH and Starry went out for coffee last night. After he mentioned in the conversation that he and I are happy and in a good spot, Starry decided to revamp the smear campaign and started complaining to her dad about me. She told him that she thinks I "only tolerate her" and that she will never be close to me. 

She brought up stuff from when she was a kid about how she felt like I never wanted her around, which is not true. This was all discussed at length in family therapy six years ago.

So... Luciferette's husband kicked the bucket

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Submitted by used2beRutherford on Sun, 06/23/2024 - 10:26pm

Starry called me this evening. I typically don't answer when she calls anymore, but she couldn't reach DH. She only calls me when she can't reach him first. 

Something inside compelled me to answer this call. She asked me if DH and I were busy this evening. She sounded flustered. Then she told me that her little sister (who is almost 19) called her "bawling her eyes out" and said that their stepdad died of a heart attack. 

He was 47.

Here is what I have learned after 20 years...

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Submitted by used2beRutherford on Wed, 05/29/2024 - 10:13am

The nightmare never ends in StepHell as long as you continue to stay. There is no winning here, only different degrees of losing. Even when the SKids age out, your problems never go away. They end up coming at you about how you damaged them in their childhood, even through they spent all of it being sh*tty to you while you did your best to be loving and supportive.

There is no way out of this nightmare. Unless you die or get divorced. That's what I've learned.

Discuss!!!!

It's time to find a new hairdresser

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Submitted by used2beRutherford on Wed, 05/29/2024 - 9:01am

For years, I've been going to Starry to get my hair done. But I'm thinking about finding someone new. It's time for me to start setting some boundaries, especially when it comes to my mental health and emotions. She has always done a great job on my hair, but I am no longer comfortable with her doing it. 

Am I just being ridiculous?

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Submitted by used2beRutherford on Mon, 05/27/2024 - 8:04am

BigBrother5's birthday is coming up. Starry and Preach originally asked us to help pay for his birthday party, which would have been almost $300 for one hour at this local kids play area/arcade. DH wanted to do it, but I thought that was expensive for one hour.

Now Starry has changed her mind and wants to have the party at their house. But Preach sent DH a text asking if we could buy BigBrother5 a $65 toy instead of helping pay for the party. Yeah, they tell us what to buy the kids. If we pick out things for them, Starry bitches about it. 

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