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Rewarding poor behavior

Venti's picture

Yesterday was SO's birthday. He planned an outing and lunch for SD14, me, DD18 and DS16. I had told him that since SD doesn't want to be near me, she definitely wouldn't want to be near my kids and perhaps limit the activity. He carried on regardless.

On Saturday she tells him that she's going back to BM's because they have something they're doing on his birthday instead. He tells her she has to come to the lunch at least. 

On the day I can feel his tension rising as we get nearer to lunch time. I tell him to ring her to ensure she's coming. She's "just getting in the shower" and then planning to go do the activity with BM. He puts his foot down and insists she comes at the set time for lunch (in 30 minutes time). 

She turns up 30 minutes late. We go to lunch where she stares blankly at the wall and doesn't join in the conversation but at least she wasn't on her phone the whole time. She manages to say hi and thank you.

We go back to his house for cake and then I decide to go home. He says he's taking her 10 pin bowling! So off they go on a daddy/daughter date and she is rewarded for ditching his planned day and gets her way again! He completely forgets how stressed and upset he was and I feel like me and my kids were just in their way of having a good time! 

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

But you have a DH guilty daddy problem.  Let him cowtow to her but you and your kids don't need to be a part of it.

He can't have his "one big happy family" fantasy AND have exclusive daddeeeeee/demon days.

thinkthrice's picture

I think you meant this for Merrigan but similar dynamic here for OP.  Complete Kabuki Theatre.   Next time DH has a bday, he can have separate celebrations until he discovers for himself that HIS bday has become all about SD, aka brooding, almost PASed out HCGUBM-in-training.

I would not wait on pins and needles until Her Royal Highness decides to show up from the mothership then to watch DH ride off into the sunset with his miniwife .

"DH you are free to celebrate your bday with SD but it will not be in our presence."