My Dr. jekyll and Mr. hyde
I feel like 2 different persons reacting to my DH's request tonight.
DH told me tonight that BM does not come around as much (we have not seen her for 3 weeks) because she cannot go to the one daugher's room (mind you there are 3 kids) and spend 1 on 1 time with her, so she winds up driving around for a few hours just to spend time with her kids, well 1 kid, the other 2 disappear when she comes around or she neglects to tell them.
DH asked if it would be okay that BM is able to go into the one SD's room when she comes in our tiny house.
So, this is where I feel like Dr. jekyll and Mr. hyde,
My feel bad side says...oh, yes, of course, the kids should be able to spend time with their BM...
My still feeling bad, but "oh come on side" says...
We have not seen you for about 3 weeks because you have to drive around? Meanwhile, your kids have not seen their mother, you have not seen your kids?
Why can't you set up the infrastructure within your own life to have 1 on 1 time with all of your kids - why make it that you have to rely on your ex and his new wife so that you can have a relationship with them?
Why should we bend to your needs if you do not do anything to help us have the 1 weekend a month that we asked for?
What kind of example are you to your kids that you can't even provide them a place that they can feel welcomed and secure with you, their MOTHER?
Are you a Mom first or a Girlfriend first?
Why when you do come around, do you single out the one SD, when there is a SD and SS that you seem to completely ignore, the ones that seem to need the most nurturing from their Mother?
So, My feel bad but "oh come on" side says, NO. Get your act together. Be a Mom.
Can anyone else relate to this situation?
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Comments
Do not let her into your
Do not let her into your house - if she wants to see her kids she will make an effort they are her kids she should want to see them. Her kids her problem!
The day BM comes into our
The day BM comes into our house to SD's room is the day hell freezes over. Literally. You are a strong woman to even entertaining the idea! Our BM moves almost every 6 months, break ups or eviction you name it. I feel bad for SD having to see her mothers true colors she is always welcome in our home at these times even if it is more time than the custody agreement. BM on the other hand I wouldn't care less is she crawled back under a bridge where she belongs. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable!
Why can't she take the kids
Why can't she take the kids to HER house? Or wherever she lives? And why is it your problem?
Hmmm... I guess I am the only
Hmmm... I guess I am the only one that thinks it's ok? So what? It's like you are sitting around playing family games together. Invite her in, give her a drink and send her to your daughter's room.....
You kill 3 birds with one stone.
A. You show her you are not threatened by her.
B. You show your hubby you are one strong woman
C. To your step children you are the one that lets their mom come see them!
I would not hesitate to let the girls mom in, though I don't care for her as well as I have been in my ex's house. His wife didn't care either.
Again do not let her into you
Again do not let her into you house- end of story - period. If she wants to see her children she will find a way - and apparently she only wants to see the one SD. So let her figure it out - there is nothing saying you have to let her into your home.
I'm all for being a bigger
I'm all for being a bigger person and letting her in might have some positive benefits, BUT, more importantly, I believe you might be setting a precedent that could result in lots of negativity. So she comes and visits SD (only 1? I don't get that.) Maybe she comes around dinner time. Can she stay for dinner? Next she's using your bathroom. She has bad water pressure at her house (if she has one) so since she's here, can she use your shower? BM has the sniffles and needs to lie down for a while. Could you bring her some soup since you're up? Of course none of this would ever really happen b/c no human has that kind of gall, right? RIGHT? (Well, except for all the BMs we write about on this site.)
BM doesn't care enough about her kids to provide them with a stable environment. Don't enable her.