:sick:

I'm sorry. It does happen. Its really upsetting. All you can do it try to tell him and hope he will see it. If she see's you get in between them, it will get worse.

The bigger problem is that your BF doesn't see that it's inappropriate, thus it's likely to continue. She's not his little girl . .she's a teenager in the process of becoming a young woman.

Once she realizes it upsets you (which I'm sure she already does), she'll do it more often just to aggravate you. . hoping you'll leave. You are right, you cannot compete with her. If he can't see the issue and you can't convince him that it's a problem, then your relationship is over.

She should be spending time doing things that teenage girls do . .hanging out w/friends, chatting w/boys her age, etc. . . . not crawling into bed w/daddy or sitting on his lap.

Ewww. I am ok with physical affection, hugs-but crawling into YOUR bed with YOUR dh and spooning him totally crosses a line. I would tell your dh that you see the marital bed as a place of hot sexual activity and the image of her spooning him is sort of killing that for you and you are not sure if you will be able to perform if these images continue.

The kid-I would just be blunt with. She's 16 not 5. And i might casually drop that she might want to think twice about crawling in the bed that you just had sex in with her dad especially since youdidnt have time to clean up the wet spot!

So what if she did go back to bm and said that "sm said I shouldn't lie in her bed because she had sex there with daddy!"? Like I said she is 16-not 5. I am sure she knows what sex is-she already knows they share a bed together. If 16 year old doesnt want to know anything about her daddy's sex life then she needs to stay the hell out of his bed. Sex is a normal natural expression of love between two people (two married people in this case) and while perhaps the wet spot reference was a little over the top I am sure she is aware on some level that her dad and smom have sex. Perhaps faced with reality, she may even realize on her own that she is being inappropriate (probably not but one can dream).

I dont believe in censoring myself in my own home-not for my bio kids and certainly not for my skid. I couldnt care less what he goes back and tells bm-he lies thru his teeth anyway so it doesnt matter if I only say "proper" things or not. If BM doesnt like it-she doesnt have to send him here anymore and if my dh doesnt like it then he can address whatever issue I happen to be speaking about himself so that I dont have to do it for him.

Good luck. One of my husband's daughter pulled that crap and even worse. I told DH that he'd better be damn careful because the mess she is, when she gets older, she gets angry with him ( which she is) she'll tell people how you tried to molest her.

It's goes from huggy huggy blinky eyes D-A-D-D-Y to want to use your bathroom and shower when DH is watching tv or sit with her legs apart when across from him.

But when she was 11, she even asked him to come give her a bath. All through jr. high. & high school, Daddddddddy, will you rub my back, I love your hands on me. Disgusting sick $%!% that she was.

These girls are very good at sounding so innocent and I really wonder if they aren't trying to step in where BM left off, trying to compete with the new wife.

THe most important thing, you let the husband know he needs to be the adult with the little girl with the fantasies. 1. So she udnerstands it's inappropriate and unacceptable behavior 2. You don't want anything thrown in your face years down the road when she's in counseling and remembering what "Daddy" did to her.

I would point out to him that since he is a man, he is very vulnerable to attacks and allegations. If BM knows about this and gets pissed at him, she could try to get his visitation taken away by saying he is inappropriate with her. He should be worried enough about that to put a stop to it.

I also would be very blunt and say "Look, this isn't normal or healthy behavior, it needs to stop."

When I met DH his daughter was about 8 and would still come knocking on his door in the middle of the night and spend half the night sleeping in his bed. I said HELL to the no, she is way too old for that!!! I pointed out that I thought she was too old for it, and also that BM could use it against him, and he put a stop to it immediately.

I think men have more trouble with this because their daughters are always their little girls, in their eyes.

Good luck!

Sort of OT here, but I since the appropriateness/boundaries topic is here, when do you guys think a child is old enough to NOT be getting help in the shower from the opposite-sex parent? At what age does it actually become inappropriate?

That is really gross and inappropriate. It isn't just between fathers and daughters though. My SS does this with his father. And as for the fathers acting like they have no idea that it's wrong - I don't buy it for a second. That's the most disturbing part, these fathers know its not normal but they get off on the twisted perverse attention. These skids also know its wrong but they get off on the problems it causes.

There are actual charts and guidelines that psychologists, etc have that show what things a child should be doing and not doing by a certain age. You can search these online. Tantrums should not go beyond 4-5 years. At 7 children should be able to bath themselves on their own, etc. These are the max ages otherwise it begins to signify emotional and mental problems may be present in the child.

I agree too. If the courts and CPS had wind of some of the sick behavior that is going on between these parents and their children counseling, parenting classes and a possible loss of custody would occur. A lot of times BMs want more child support but they don't want the hassle of raising their own children full time, so it is a vicious cycle.

As SMs we get dragged into the nasty mess and we are damned if we care and damned if we don't.

When I came into my DH life his SD had him wrapped pretty tight around his finger at 12 she would try and climb in bed on daddys side without me knowing (I am a light sleeper so it was never for more than a minute) but she would slap is ass and during (tickling) him she would try and grab a very personal spot. he said "she didn't mean it, she doesn't even know anything about sex." Well I told him a story that I read a while ago about a daughter getting mad at her father and accusing him of sexual abuse, he put an end to it. Less than a year later she was pregnant and now at 14 a mother. took right after her BM.