SD came for her bday in May. Then she came again for SOs bday in August. I remained disgusted with the both of them so I voluntarily went away with DS because I didn't want anything to do with it.

SD stated four days in which SO took her out to eat and shopping for clothes each day she was there. SO posted pics on FB like they were a loving father and daughter.  I'm the fourth day when SO told her he didn't have the money to spend. SD made her exit. 

At this point I ignored all of it and learned to care less. I had nothing to say I regards to SD and chose to not even acknowledge her existence with SO. If he brought up his amazing wonderful daughter the only response he got from me was "that's nice". 

I was aware of all the serious behavior issues she was having but kept that knowledge to myself. One day BM drops SD off to our house only telling SO she pierced her belly button without permission at a friend's house. The true story was SD got high and blackout drunk. But again I kept this ti myself. Knowing SO would think I hate his daughter and SD would say I was lying and this is why she doesn't come to see SO. 

By this time COVID restrictions were lifting a bit. After work I made myself scarce everyday until about 8:30 at night. The fee incidents I saw of SD verbally abusing SO and belittling him. I said and did nothing while watching him stand there with his head down and his tail between his legs cowering to a 14 year old. 

During the week SO let SD do whatever she wanted and again took her out to eat and shopping. He let her go to the same friends house where for all he knew she only pierced her belly button I didn't care because she left and I knew she wasn't coming back. 

Fast forward to Christmas SD is coming back for a visit. I watch as SO is in glee purchasing $300 worth of clothes, random items and and iphone for SD. 

One of the gifts he bought her was a candle. I said no. SO completely lost his mind on me as if not giving SD a candle woukd be the determining factor of whether or not she would love him. 

I snapped at that moment. How dare SO make such decisions in my house that I bought and pay for. How dare SO decide that my opinion doesn't matter in my own f'ing house. This may seem crazy to you but one SD is the most irresponsible human being I have ever met. Two just earlier that year DS was completely devastated because exH burned down his apartment complex killing DS cats and losing everything with a candle. SO was with me when exH called and DS was hysterical in tears over his cats. 

Then come to find out SO had been letting SD burn candles in her room without my knowledge and tried to cover it up. 

SD left after SO ran out of money to spend on her that was only 3 days.  He had to beg her to come to grandma's to open gifts she just wanted to pick them up and leave. She refused so he had to get grandma to ask BM to drop her off for a few hours to open gifts. 

After SD left I cleaned her room and found out she had been stealing alcohol. I show SO the evidence and he starts yelling at me!!! Then tries to justify his behavior by saying it's not a big deal.

Again I completely lost my mind. I told him about SDs drinking escapades which he of course doesn't believe until he calls BM to ask. I also reminded him of what I do for a living and our state law allows for me the not parent or legal guardian to be criminally charged with endangering the welfare of a child. 

I will lose my job, my home and probably custody of my own child to his father. Best case scenario is I end up thousands of dollars in debt in lawyers fees. 

I took a few days to gather all my thoughts and calm down. Then I sat SO down for a come to Jesus meeting. I told him that I was completely disgusted with him, I found him to be a pathetic and downright shitty parent. At that moment in time I no longer wanted to be with him and he could dedicate himself to chasing after his deliquent daughter. 

SO of course didn't want that but I was tired of all it. I made it clear to him that I was done bending over backwards for him and his kids. I would no longer tolerate especially from him being treated as a human punching bag. 

I can say SO has been respectful of my boundaries since then and things between us have improved. But I am still at a point where I have zero tolerance for Thier dysfunction. 

Which brings us to BM accomplished her goal of screwing her kids up now SO can have them back.