You are here

Reality check! The gloves came off.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

As a good friend once said to me. He who cares less always wins. Well as SO reached his usual point of completely losing his mind after a visit from OSD. I pushed back with total and complete disregard for SO or his feelings.  I unleashed a storm of harsh truths on him, because I will not partake in his craziness for one more minute.

The final straw was after lavishing SD with $750 worth of gifts and YSD only $200. I saw he bought OSD a candle and said absolutely not!!! She will burn the house down. SO lost his mind as if not giving OSD this $10 candle would be difference in her finally seeing how amazing he is and loving him. 

First to punish him for his stupidity I used his credit card to buy twatwaffle a much more expensive essential oil diffuser, because I will be laughing later on while he is paying off all the debt he racked up buying her love, just like last time. 

Then I let SO know that he is the one who makes this house not " our home" because he willfully disregards every single persons feelings and comfort in lieu of kissing SDs butt. Making it clear to everyone who lives here including his other daughter that the only person who matters is OSD. 

He is willing to let his GF be arrested and criminally charged rather than confront SD about her drinking in the house. He willing to risk the loss of my house and the lives of the other children, rather than not give SD a $10 candle. He is willing to let SD be loud, rude and obnoxious when she is here to the point no one else feels comfortable being here and leaves. 

He tried to defend himself, by saying I do talk to her and  yell at her for her behavior. I LOL!!!! I told him no you do not. You stand there like a pathetic excuse of a man, with your head down and your tail between your legs. While you are being belittled and verbally abused by a 14 year old. 

You want to tell me you don't like the way I talk to you!! You are insane, and have a toxic, co dependent relationship with your abusive daughter. She is not normal, she has mental health issues and you living in denial will only continue to perpetuate that. In years to come you will have no one but your self to blame for her self destructive behavior. 

You (SO) on the other hand I have lost all respect for you as a man. It's sad and pathetic to watch a grown man cower to a 14 year old child, afraid if he says anything she might get mad at him and leave and ghost him. Then return a few months later after you have " learned your lesson" giving you the opportunity to buy her love with lavish gifts, to which you jump in the opportunity. Because if you show her how wonderful you are she may finally see it and love you. 

I feel much better now, SO not so much but I don't care. He is going to have to put in the work, because everything I said was exactly how I feel. I may love him, he is a good man, but I no longer respect him and it's hard to be attracted to someone you don't respect. 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Good for you. I was wondering how you maintained such detachment in the face of his ridiculous behavior.

BTW, most states allow parents to give their own kids alcohol in the home, so you probably wouldn't get in trouble for her drinking, unless he allowed her to drink herself into a coma or something of the sort.  And since you didn't give it to her, you won't get in trouble.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

My friends husband is a Sheriff and told me because she is not biologically mine, the house is in my name if BM wanted to be a douche and turn me in I could be charged. BM is a douche and SO knows that. Even though SD has been running away and getting drunk for months at her house, she would love the opportunity to make herself look better and me look like the bad guy.

Best case scenario is I get suspended from work and pay thousands in legal fees to clear myself of negligence but could still end up on the child abuse registry. Which would still prevent me from ever working again in my field.

tog redux's picture

That seems odd, considering it's your SO's home too, and he's the one allowing alcohol - if he were a tenant, would the landlord be charged for him allowing her to drink?

I'd google that law or ask an attorney - though at any rate, the kid is not really drinking with his permission, she's doing it behind his back, and she's 14, so it needs to stop period.  The law is intended to allow people to let their kids have a glass of wine with dinner, not to secretly get hammered.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I would be cleared of any criminal liability, but the aggravation and suspension from work while I was being investigated would be problem enough. I could still end up with a report against me in the CPS system which would still have an impact on my job.

Since I don't trust SO to do the right thing. I covered my own rear end and bought a locked storage bin and it is under pad lock now. Since I have made every effort to prevent her access to it. I am not liable. I am also the only one with the key. 

I

tog redux's picture

I don't blame you. She could easily overdose on alcohol and end up in the hospital and then you both could get in trouble.

ETA: I'm in the child mental health field and I kept my distance from SS out of fear of CPS reports if I even gave him a pat on the back. No thanks.

Catmom024's picture

#1 rule in StepWorld is always protect yourself because no one else will .  Your SO will throw you under the bus if push comes to shove with any underage alcohol charges.  Don't play around with that.

Left out mama's picture

What!? Drinking age is 21.... there is no law or rule in any state that says if mom and dad so it's okay than you can drink at 14. That's insane and totally false. 
patents who give underage kids alcohol are charged with child endargment / contributing to the delinquency of a minor. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Getting the locked storage bin has a bonus effect. His kids gorge themselves and I have had to hide food so DS has stuff for school lunches. I also buy him things he likes that they hate. But they get into my food for work and eat it all. So now I have that locked up too. I make SO buy groceries for them since he won't redirect Thier eating all day long and wasting food by making things and not eating it. 

Thier eating habits are insane I watched OSD make two sandwiches out of a pound of ham.

Harry's picture

You really need an exit plan. You really have to leave by yourself before the law gets involved.  Why is there alcohol in the house ?  Who is replacing the alcohol SD is drinking ?    Your DH is enabling her

tog redux's picture

If the adults like to drink, they shouldn't have to get rid of all alcohol because of a bratty 14 yo.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I'm not leaving, it's my house. They moved in with me that's why I finally lost my sh$#!! Because now SO is disrespecting me in my own house. 

You want to be a doormat to your child, fine!! You trying to drag me into your insanity, no way!!! I warned him when I found out she was coming back. If he didn't keep her in check she wasn't allowed here and he could go with her. 

When she started her crap and he did nothing, then has the audacity to try and defend her. Sorry no deal! You can go be alone and see precious princess 3x a year when she wants something, because I guarantee you YSD will want to stay with me, because she feels the exact same way as the rest of us.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I'm not leaving, it's my house. They moved in with me that's why I finally lost my sh$#!! Because now SO is disrespecting me in my own house. 

You want to be a doormat to your child, fine!! You trying to drag me into your insanity, no way!!! I warned him when I found out she was coming back. If he didn't keep her in check she wasn't allowed here and he could go with her. 

When she started her crap and he did nothing, then has the audacity to try and defend her. Sorry no deal! You can go be alone and see precious princess 3x a year when she wants something, because I guarantee you YSD will want to stay with me, because she feels the exact same way as the rest of us.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

for lighting up his a$$. What kind of dad shows such blatant favoritism between their two kids ...  on Christmas?

This guy should be in therapy and not in your home because this sort of delusional parenting always causes discord.

He is going to lose both of his daughters; OSD because he's made her a monster who only sees people as supply; and YSD because she'll distance herself from him for her own protection. That poor kid is going to have daddy issues and low self worth, thanks to this pathetic excuse for a man and his courtship of her big sister.

We are all different, but once I lose respect for someone, it's over.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Absolutely agree! I truly feel for YSD because she is treated the same way at BMs, blamed for everything. I can not stand to watch any kid be treated that way. I watched what he was doing so for every gift he bought OSD, I either bought YSD one or took his credit card and ordered her something. I did not want her to have to feel badly on Christmas.  YSD is also actually appreciative and takes care of her belongings and expresses gratitude. 

She is smart and sees how she is treated differently. She often says it. I just twist it around right in front of SO to make a point when she brings it up by saying That her parents treat her that way because they actually care about her more than OSD and want her to grow up to be a good person.  

 

DEB2171's picture

I just learning (at 63!) that letting out anger can be very good. Owning it and putting it out there can be powerful. I prided myself on being calm and rational at all times until a counselor pointed out my endless ability to accept sh&$ was NOT a virtue. So, good for you for letting out your unfiltered anger. He sure needed to hear it. Now, I hope you also have an exit plan - for him.