Lies and Deception PA Continues
My SS continuously posts on Facebook about how his Dad doesn't want to be part of his life. Woe is me. Blocking our entire family makes it clear you don't wish to be part of our's.
Earlier this week he posted on Facebook how he hated his Mom, someone commented that at least you have a Mom. His response was "Yeah, but my Dad doesn't even want to see me". Dh has been alienated which we believe is partially due to a custody battle, then our marriage. Bm originally abandon skids for another guy (a leach who doesn't work and is still to this day married to another woman), Dh was granted temporary custody during the proceedings, Bm then changed her mind regarding custody and minutes before the hearing was to start, brought forth false allegations making it senseless for DH to continue his fight. His Lawyers advice to him "You and Wicked seem like California people these kids are never going to change and you are going to experience constant court battles with this nutcase until they turn 18". How those words ring true!
A little back ground about a year ago BM took the kids and was granted a temporary OP based on lies. The Op was dismissed when the evidence was presented and they were ordered to reunification counseling. My husband spoke with the counselor and was informed when Skids were ready to be reunited with him. BM refused to take them to the counselor's office so that this could be completed. Facebook has been an outlet to continue the lies and deception Bm has instilled in these children. The solution would be take her to Court for contempt, however she has numerous violations to court orders in the past and has as never been as much as slapped on the hand. So Dh feels this is a waste of his time and money compiled by the fact that these children are probably going to come up with more lies.
Being sick and tired of the constant lies Dh decided to confront this in a non-confrontational way with a text to SS. " I DO want a relationship with you and your sister. You are welcome to come over to my home anytime you wish, I love you and your sister, there is nothing stopping this from happening. I would appreciate it if you were truthful when posting on facebook regarding our relationship". SS's reply " I am and how do you know about my Facebook posts?". His next posting on Facebook " I haven't talked to my dad in a little over a year and he texts me and says something about my Facebook status? I don't even have him on Facebook I have him blocked and "his" family. Stalk much?" More LIES, he and his father had a text conversation this past weekend and has had text numerous conversations with his Dad and insists his mother tells him their visits have to be supervised. How is my husband supposed to have a supervised visit, when she won't take the child to the Counselor's office? Technically it isn't supervised visits, this is just a word this woman has tossed around from day one with her Attorney and tried bringing numerous allegations to achieve this goal.
This child obviously screams for attention from what we're told about his facebook posts. Dh won't do any more court battles as it's a waste of time when the children are instructed to lie. SS posts on facebook in three years that he can see his father, because then he can do what he wants, but I'm afraid three years is going to be too late.
To me it makes no sense to alienate a child from the other parent. The same tactics Bm teaches this child to use on his father are also used on her. He's out of control and I'm afraid it's too late. Either way DH approaches the situation he looses.This child is falsely lead to believe that his father and father's family doesn't want anything to do with him. Can't he see thru the truth? How long is it before these kids can make logical sense out of situations? Skids live within walking distance from our home along with their Fraternal Grandparents so that isn't an issue either. Why does this child keep posting these things on Facebook that he knows aren't true? I'm sure the Counselor informed him of how things would proceed when he told her he wanted to be reunited with his father?
Some of your experiences are similar and I'm wondering if it's worth the hurt and pain it causes Dh to try. He does care, however it's exhausting to continuously be lied to and shot down. When is enough, enough?
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Comments
I agree regarding screaming
I agree regarding screaming for attention, but can't these BM's see this. The harm they inflict on their own flesh and blood?
Druz my heart goes out to
Druz my heart goes out to you. When Dh recently contact them for their birthday SD asked "What did you get me for my birthday". He responded with I haven't seen in in how long how do I even know what you like anymore? He doesn't want them to go thru life thinking that life is about material things. Holiday's and Birthday's have always been remembered. We have wrapped gifts along with filled stockings sitting here from the first year visitation stopped. Since that time we have purchase savings bonds which are held here until the time comes that they are to received them.
When my Mom passed away each of them was asked to participate in her service, however didn't have the respect to show up. Mom left something in an envelope for each of them which remains in our safe until we feel they should receive it.
Not so long ago my SO and I
Not so long ago my SO and I decided to go out on a date and his son18 said to him "you're choosing her over me?" (meaning me). Yup, like stepaside said "same old cock and bull..."
"you're choosing her over
"you're choosing her over me?" (meaning me).
Funny thing is would we really be here if we really didn't care and that was what was what we wanted?
"It doesn't sound your
"It doesn't sound your husband fights very hard for his children".
Hmmmmmmm
5 years and he hasn't stopped trying.......doesn't strike me as giving up.
Kayro, You obviously are bitter and angry that you presently had to end a relationship. Why, because you yourself are an Alienator. PLAY the victim all you like, however it's obvious your children are being punished, then in turn punishing you with exactly the same things you've taught them. I don't understand your reasoning for being on this site so long. Prior to throwing stones, look at your own home front first. I don't appreciate your incorrect accusations. What exactly is your purpose joining this site. YOUR Children have one father, no matter what you do he can never be replaced. Try looking at your own actions and the results of the same prior to passing judgement on others.
Submitted by kayro on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 2:45pm.
My kids are good kids but they are both very vocal about not wanting a stepfather. My xdh divorced me and abandoned them .. in fact never had any interaction at all with the youngest. So they have grown up never seeing Mom with a man and as young teenagers I really don't know that trying to introduce a man at this point would be worth it. But .. he doesn't want to so ugh.. have to stop thinking like that.. it's not going to happen, it shouldn't and time to move on.
While it seems that's all it
While it seems that's all it SHOULD take, sadly, it isn't.
My DH had BM in court for contempt 7 times from 2005 until 2009 & it resulted, not only in DH not getting his ORDERED visitation, but in ZERO visitation because of the lies that were told. The judge required NO proof of the accusations...simply slid into the waterworks.
To say that it doesn't sound her DH fights very hard for his children makes you sound very judgemental on a topic that you are clearly not very familiar with. It bothers me personally to read your comment & think that someone would suggest that of my DH who fought with everything in him until there was nothing left.
Courts are not so cut & dry as you seem to think.
He went to court with
He went to court with numerous police reports documenting violations of interference of visitation and it wasn't good enough for the Judge. Violations of Court Ordered Counseling sessions etc. She had excuses that didn't make sense. She was basically slapped on her hand and instructed to comply.
After this happened the kids became even more angry with him.
I love the part that it bites her in the A** that her Bf isn't allowed into the home because the kids can't stand him.....This same child turns on her in the same manner he does on his father. That is the ultimate revenge! If there is any type of good that stems from this situation. I seriously worry about my skids when they are put out into the real world once child support ends.
In the perfect world, the
In the perfect world, the fathers would have plenty of financial resources to take the BM back to court for non-compliance with the CO. In OUR world, most fathers are being sucked dry financially by the leach of a BM and the broken court system.
The last time we attempted (and succeeded) at getting a Contempt of Court on BM for her 'Willful Interference with Visitation' (court's words), we had TWO PAGES - one instance each line - of denied visitations.
What did the court do to BM? Gave her a chewing out and fined her $500. Our lawyer fees were over $750, which was cheap in reality. The judge did not make BM pay our lawyer fees because she was having a hard time paying her own. The judge never made her give extra time to make up for the missed time. The judge never mentioned anything about further punishment if she continued or any kind of change in custody.
Both kids are PASed out now and my DH has fought like a demon possessed their entire lives.... just.to.be.able.to.be.a.part.of.their.lives.
Our lawyer advised that it might be better to walk away from his kids given their vindictive mother. It would have saved us a ton of money and a ton of stress and having to deal with that psycho at ALL.
But I guess, to you, that is not enough of a fight.
Our situations feel very
Our situations feel very similar & only because I've been there with my Dh & his kids, I can honestly understand how difficult it is to know when to call it "enough". I don't know that there is a place to draw that line. IMO, it almost feels like drawing a line hinders the effort to heal & progress from that point.
At the same time, however, how productive can it be to continue pushing for healing & progress when only one party is willing?
For us, DH called it "enough" when his son took him to court to fight his obligation to participate in visitation with DH, claiming he was "terrified" of DH & between SS & BM, having DH ordered to anger management. Dealing with BM in court was difficult, but his son taking to becoming the liar & accuser in court was what broke him.
There was ZERO contact for 2 years, & SS was the one who initiated it just before his 18th birthday.
Trust is still lacking, & because of SS's programmed devotion to BM (despite his anger toward her now), likely will never be what it could've been.
SD is still lukewarm with DH...at best, but SS says "she is really trying to get there" in her healing.
I wanted to offer my words of support, but I also wanted to tell you that the title of your post caught my eye. I appreciate you using the "PA" in proper form. Typically here, we would've read "PAS-ing continues" & rather than reading about you & your DH being alienated, we would've read about your stepkids being "PAS'd out". I have a real appreciation for those who do enough research on alienation to recognize correct usage of the terms.
Thank you Storm, I appreciate
Thank you Storm, I appreciate your support and honesty.
No matter what I love my children, Dh and Skids and will continue to support him in any way I can. I wouldn't be on this site if I didn't care about my skids. The difficulty with PA is you aren't dealing with logical people so it complicates matters along with plans of action.
Have you heard about the Bubbles of Love Campaign to bring attention to PA awareness?