Christmas was chaotic and not really enjoyable. We had all four kids and DH and I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas night at each other's throats, we almost called it quits the morning after Christmas and didn't really get 'back on track' until December 27th. There were several things that contributed to this crappy week.

1) Being broke - DH is still out of work yet we both feel the need to buy the kids more than we can honestly afford to so that they don't feel the pinch.

2) Our house is too small - Seriously, with all 6 of us in a 1400 square foot house for a weekend, things are OK, but after 7+ days of those living arrangements the house is a DISASTER, I feel like I'm the only one cleaning any of it and we are ALL about to kill one another.

3) Family - My DH still harbors resentment towards my family for them not being accepting of our marriage. I understand how they can feel the way they do so it doesn't bother me all that much but he still won't let it go. So, holiday gatherings at my family's home are tense at best.

4) Gifts - The grandparents on one side were even with all 4 kids and the other grandparents were noticeably more generous with their bio-grandkids. To top it off, both sets of grandparents bought the same video game add-on. The one we got on Christmas Eve was addressed to ONE CHILD while the one we were EXPECTING on Christmas DAY was addressed to all of the kids. Again, one VERY FAIR and one VERY UNEVEN.

5) EX DRAMA - We have 3 exes between the two of us....there's bound to be drama on any given week with at least ONE of them. Fortunately 2 of the 3 were relatively easy to deal with and only one was being a complete ass!

THEN.....the kids left. 1 left on Christmas evening, 2 left on the day after Christmas and the final one left on December 28th. Peace was restored and my DH and I had an UNBELIEVABLE week together. Not one fight, disagreement, heated discussion, bickering match.....NOTHING BUT AMAZING! It was like a totally different man was in my house and I'm sure he felt like my evil twin had finally left the building! I felt sure of myself and secure in my marriage like we were finally standing together on the same mountain rather than tight-roping over a valley between two mountain peaks.

I love my husband and I'm determined to see this marriage through because every once in a while I get a glimpse of what it will be like in the end. When the kids have gone off to do whatever they are going to do (and with 4 of them I'm sure they will all do something different) and I'm left here with my husband by my side. When it's just the two of us and everyone else gets to revolve around our schedules, our vacations, our time together. Dreaming of those days is what will help me hold onto my sanity long enough to see that nothing destroys my marriage. Not money, nor space, nor family, nor kids, nor exes. It's a small and rare thing at the moment but I know that it's something to be treasured, nourished, and enjoyed as often as possible.