My BM did all of these except #6. Well, correction, she ATTEMPTED to PAS them, it didn't work for very long though.

That's why they say, the truth is always somewhere in the middle.

Spot on Willow. My ex said all sorts of crappy things about BM1 to me... they were not true. She was a really good mom and to be honest I am so sorry I believed him. I am thank ful though that I didn't bad mouth her to the kids and was always good to them.

Some times I read a blog and think to myself, honey, your man is the issue not BM.

Some of this is us. lol My husband has the kids, we treat them to eating out sometimes not everyday. We keep the good clothes for our house, why because they didnt come back or they were "traded" to cousins for clothes that had holes in them.

Their step grand parent does kick in when help is needed. We dont talk about mom or what happens at moms.

But we get talked about horrible.. Oh well, the truth is half of what you hear and none of what you "don't" know.

With my ex it'd be #2 and #6 which I find ridiculously hilarious because I can't live off of something I don't get. In 14 years I've received less than $100. (no lie) and he's probably a good 10k or so behind. And #6 because it's kind of hard to PAS someone that you NEVER speak of. To me, the ignorant turd doesn't exist. And it's kind of hard to let BS14 visit with his "dad" when the man spends more time in prison than out in society. I'm sorry if it's wrong..but I refuse to let my child visit a prison to see his father.

I will be honest, I could really care less about what my ex says about me. He was not the greatest, I was not the greatest and now it's over, end of story.

Bm told me some horrible awful things about dh, they may or may not have been true. She has blogged about his douchebaggery as well.

The thing is that after a certain age, I have found that we each have baggage and skeletons. No one leaves a marriage innocent of not taking part in its destruction, so we all aren't perfect.

Dh has told me many terrible things about bm, that she was a frigid controlling bitch who had multiple affairs on him and that she told him at the end of her marriage to get out because she was preggo and it wasn't his. I think there is truth in what they both have said about each other, that it was not A good fit, it got bad and so they divorced. But when it was over I don't understand why they had to continually bash each other.

My issue with bm is when she included me in her little tirades. I don't know that woman, I don't want to know that woman, and will be happy to keep that woman's influence out of my life forever.

The whole "crappy clothes" thing always made me want to bash my head in when the skids were younger. DH would practically beg BM to send them in older clothes. Because she liked to buy the nice expensive stuff (which is totally her business) and every time the clothes got dirty, BM would call and bitch at DH..we tried buying decent, yet not too expensive clothing for the skids to wear at our house..but they refused to wear what we bought..I guess the clothes weren't good enough. It got to the point where I just friggin hated clothes lol.

My Skids BM cheated on SO and was pretty horrible at the end of the marriage.

I think that she didn't know any other way to get out. She had 4 kids and was a SAHM most of her and SO's relationship. Maybe her only way out of the relationship was to get another man to help pay the bills. I know what a gigantic jackass my SO can be. This is a prime example of what happens when you get pregnant as soon as you meet each other. SO has even told me stories of her begging him to take her out for some adult time after being home with little kids all the time. He said he would talk about the kids none stop and want to go home early. That had to suck for her.

BUT...That doesn't excuse her for the shitty mom she has been to Skids. She even told SO that he gave her two more kids that she didn't want. I just think she is burnt out on child rearing and Skids are the ones paying the price.

Agreed, I'm leery of people who claim "BM ALWAYS does XYZ with/to the kids!" One, virtually nobody "always" does anything. Two, if you're not there you cannot possibly claim to know that. I'm much more sympathetic to posts about specific episodes (ie, "BM dropped SS off at 2 am last night" - that CLEARLY illustrates what kind of mother she is without giving vague or absolute "BM never does what's right for SS" kind of statements).

My DH occasionally goes off about how awful BM is/was, and I generally try to change the subject. Unless there's something *specific* and actionable, I just don't want to engage in that crap.

I knew BM when she was married to DH, so I've seen her in action. He never had to fill me in. She's a horrible narcissist who is hell-bent on making us as miserable as possible, by whatever means necessary.

We get criticized by her for all these things, though...

*Once,* we got them McDonald's because we were running late for a Sunday drop-off. She jumped all over DH and instructed him that he should just return them without dinner if we were going to feed them crap. And yet we get regaled by them about all the restaurants Mom gets them food from, like Hooters and Panera and MCDONALDS! Apparently only she can feed them crap.

BM refuses to provide daycare receipts, and I don't trust that she's paying what she says she is. Daycare literally doubles CS every month, so it's a big deal.

BM refuses to provide clothes for the kids at all when they're with us. Even when they were with us for a month last year so that she could go to school (military). And on top of that, she jumps all over DH if the clothes aren't clean when they return to her. But she sends them in ill-fitting play clothes (even though they come from school) that are seasonally inappropriate. And don't get me started on the shoes that are 2 sizes too small.

We don't really have school issues at this point.

And as for the PAS, it's there and it's BAD.

I get that there are different perspectives, but there's right and wrong, too, and for us, it boils down to the idea of judge not lest ye be judged. We try very hard not to judge her, but it's really hard when all she does is judge us!

We MUST have been married to the same Jerkwad!!

So far (according to XH)
1. I am a raging whore who has slept with every swinging Dick in town (Nope...wish I could claim that title but I was too busy raising a son to do that)
2. I stole his money (child support he OWED but wanted returned- he only paid because the court threatened him with jail time)
3. I am a liar (he hasn't told the truth since he learned how to talk)
4. Ruined his life (because I refused to continue to deal with his abuse and support him for the rest of his life)
5. Ran around getting drunk everynight (Right...since XH only got BS four days a month...I had plenty of time to tie one on)
6. And the final insult....IM A SHITTY MOM! - Exactly why my kid has NEVER been in trouble at school, is polite and kind hearted, goes to church on his own every sunday and EVERYONE who meets him thinks he is an amazing kid. Yep...all those years I was being a shitty mom really paid off. So glad I wasn't a good parent like XH...My kid could have been a raging drug induced prick like his BD.

And Yes..I talk crap about SS's BM but only to a few close friends and DH of course.
- She only feeds kids Fast food---Dont really care what she does but don't appreciate the SS"s being drilled about what I made for dinner and if the liked it, etc.
- She trash talks me for not wanting to be Nanny to her spawn- Yet she pawns the YSS off EVERY weekend that she has him.
- Tells the SS's I cannot punish them and never backs up what minor punishments I dole out. - Its very rare but I will on occasion ground them from electrnic devices if the infraction includes violence. (YSS hitting BS and not expecting BS to hit back) BM says SS's are allowed to hit each other since that is what BOYS do...Then don't bitch when my 17 yr old knocks the shit out of your 8 yr old....

Theser are just a few instances...Lets face it.. we all bash the BM's and they bash us. Its the cirle of life. I know a very few StepFamilies who REALLy get along well. The key is just learning to hide that eye roll or smart ass comment when we have to be in the presence of one another.

Actually our BM is just uncooperative and down right mean. She never wants to give but always wants to take.

The only one of those listed that applies is the fastfood one. She does feed him an excessive amount of fastfood. He knew what McDonalds was before he could speak which is disgusting. Luckily, if you can say that, he's moved on to living off of lunchables and pizzarolls. Does it annoy us? Sure, but we eat out at restaurants a lot too and some could argue it's just as bad. We just figured that as long as we keep him active and fed well at home, she can't screw him up two days out the week.

Oh and for the clothes thing...uhm I think it would be silly. I mean DUH she send him in crappy clothes, we send him to her in crappy clothes too! But even if SS migrates some of his good tshirts to her house then so what? Hell have decent clothes while he's there, when he grows out of them then his brother can wear it. 2 Good deeds in one! It's not like BM can wear them

My BM did all of these except for #3 (unless you count flip flops in the winter time). It wasn't what my DH said. It was what I scienced out for myself. Like The.Sane.One, my DH tried to inform me of her craziness prior to us getting serious. I also gave her the benefit of the doubt until I saw it first hand.

Although our BM probably isn't as psychotic as TSO's, I believe my DH understated his case.

Oh gosh. I thought you were hearing about me. I do the same. Except we don't do child support.