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I literally had a shoving match with SD13

willthiseverend's picture

Submitted by willthiseverend on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 1:07pm

:jawdrop:
Well its been hell for exactly 6 years now. I asked her to leave my room 18 times literally and she wouldnt so I pushed her out of the room. Now I have scratches on my neck and am trying to decide if a divorce is the next step. A little background: first off I am the second stepmother to a 13 year old. She has so many issues with abandonement on behalf of BM, boundary issues due to the 1st step mom attempting to upstage BD and BM9 shes the friend who tells her she does no wrong, and a dad who is unwilling to truly discipline her. This makes for me the worst living situation ever. BD and I have a 5 month old and 3 1/2 together. This girl has called me a bitch,hoe bag, skank, written that she wants to kill me, that she hopes I die, and dad says well that was theraputic for her because she wrote it instead of saying it to my face. I admit I dont like her, she isnt very likeable. She only speaks when she needs something, she is a piss poor academic student yet makes a's and b's. She truly walks around entitled. Her dad admittedly gets her anything she wants, lets her do whatever she wants after all if he says no she just does it anyway. My husband has on many ocassions blamed me for her behavior though I've only been in the picture 4 years. I find my motto has become not to say anything to this child. Shes arguementative, whiney, untrustworthy, a liar as well as a thief. Mom just moved here from California and truly has nothing to do with her. Dad works long hours so guess whose left in charge of this girl.........me. I have no copnnectedness with her because shes got so many other females in charge of her life before me, yet and still I'm the evil stepmother. Dad is in lala land, no noticing her hoochie shorts, inappropriate dressing, foul language etc. Yet I'm the bad guy. Step mom 1 sent the girl see through lace underwear from vickies secret along with push up satin bras to match and dad was angry for a minute but then let her go to visit the step mom. I'm at a loss here. She wears thong lace underwear at 13, detroys our walls and furniture, and sexts fellow classmates, makes videos as if shes a stripper, will drink alcohol if left out. I cant stand this girl, I love my husband but I just dont know what to do. Nobody wants to discipline this child or wake up to whats really going on yet the finger and overall responsibility are pointed at me, and I'm tired of it. Yes I'm living a nightmare. I dont want a divorce but I dont know how much more of this child and the blame I can take.Daddy has been out of town 6 days and was not there for the incident. Of course he sides with her, as does grandma and everyone else. Im so sick of being the scapegoat for a child who doesnt have to listen to me or respect me and who calls me out of my name. Her dad even said I was a bitch and could care less about the kids we have together. I have to admit for all the trouble ive gone through I should have popped her good. Dada got angry and said Id have even more problems if I called the police to make a report. I dont get it maybe I am just a step monster but I truly truly dislike this child. Ive decided to move ou I truly need a friend to talk to.t for a few days. Now dad is saying that I'm the one calling it quits on our marriage not him..... can someone text me a drink?

Comments

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 1:17pm

I'm so sorry. Honestly, I think the best thing you can do for YOU and your kids is to take her to her grandmother's house, drop her off, change the locks and not let him or her back in the house.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 1:50pm

Get a tazer and next time she assaults you zap her ass! I have no use or tolerance for this kind of crap.

Let your DH know that you will no longer tolerate his inept parenting or expose your joint children to the toxic behavior of their holder half sib.

Start calling the cops any time the 13yo does gets physical with you, threatens you, etc... record every word she says in your home and get some web cams set up to catch her behavior so that you can give it to the police or judge.

My SS made the mistake of throwing a punch at me exacttly once. He went sailing out the front door in to a raging blizard with no coat and only one shoe. He was 15 when he did it. He never did it again because he knew he would either be living in a card board box under an over pass or on a one way very long bus ride to SpermLand with nothing but the clothes on his back and a $20 bill if he ever did it again. He said he might call CPS on me. I handed him the phone and told him to make sure he told them that he took a swing at me and to bring the cuffs big enough for him. I also told him to tell them to bring the Army, Navy and Marines because it would take all of them to get me off of his ass if they showed up at my house.

ZERO TOLERANCE if I was you. And DH needs absolute clarity on this.

Good luck.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 2:04pm

Sd sounds horrible and so does your husband. That said, you started the shoving because she did not want to leave your room. She should have left your room, but given the relationship you have with her ( because she is a brat and worse) you should not have started the physical contact. I don't blame you, really, but that was wrong. It would have been ok if she was hurting someone or herself, but in this case, no matter how understanding it is that you lost it, you can't do that. I am sure she deserves everything she got and way more, but you can actually get in trouble for that. I am sorry you've been in such a horrible situation and the blame really seems to reside with her dad. I understand that having a child with this man complicates things, but you need to get away from him. He sounds abusive and the whole situation sounds volatile. For your own sake and your child's, I hope you have somewhere safe to go and some support from friends and family.
As far as your husband saying it's you that is calling it quits, so what? You know that he failed you guys, and he may never see it. Trying to convince him is probably a lost cause.

stepmom916's picture

Submitted by stepmom916 on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 2:12pm

I am so sorry you are going through this. Tell your husband to take her to grandma's house and that you will not be watching her alone EVER. My SD13 is no longer allowed to be at my house without daddy home, even if he has to run a quick errand she has to go with him.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 2:31pm

sound like biodad has a permanent case of the "guilties" and will never change. No wonder this is the 2nd SM. I don't buy the story that it was all 1st SM's fault. I think that's a convenient excuse. That's what you were *told* from guilty biodad himself. . .who will same the SAME about YOU the INSTANT YOUR back is turned!!

First SM probably ran out the door screaming!!!

I'd advice the same! RUN as fast as you can away from this situation!!!

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 2:41pm

How do you still live in that house? How is your husband (who has not defended you) and that SD still in your house?
No one should EVER call you Bitch in your house. Its gone too far.

Some people need to watch Madea movies. That's how it should be handled. I can't stand the thought of someone calling me out in my house. I put up with stupid crap, that is my threshold. You don't touch me, you don't disobey me, you don't call me names.

If grandma and dad like her so much, they can deal with her on their own.