(Taken from my blog entry on October 1, 2010. For the full blog, please feel free to visit http://oohshinystuff.tumblr.com/)

Step-parenting is a journey that most women are not prepared for when they are younger. When is the last time you heard a 10 year old say, “Someday I will meet my Prince Charming, and he and I and his three preteen children will all live happily ever after?”

I personally avoided dating men who had children for most of my twenties. No way was I prepared to handle that kind of responsibility. But sometimes love hits you over the head with a frying pan and the next thing you know the flower girl and ring bearer are about to start calling you their stepmother, and the 16 year old bridesmaid begins calling you “Mommy” in public because it amuses her, in the same way calling my parents’ giant German Shepherd “Kitty” to the point where she answers to it amuses me. Being a stepmother can be one of the most rewarding jobs a woman can have, but also one of the most thankless.

1. Being a step mom is super cool because:

You are seen as the “cool” parent figure.

My youngest stepdaughter makes me get out of the car and meet her friends’ parents every time I drop her off at one of the many birthday parties she attends on Saturdays. At first it felt uncomfortable, because these parents know her mom and know that I am just the stepmom, but then I realized that she is showing me off. I’m young and reasonably “cool” to a 10-year-old, which isn’t saying much. I also have to admit that it kind of feels good since I am generally much younger than most of her friends’ mothers, which will totally be the opposite situation when I have children of my own…not getting any younger here… so don’t judge.

But it totally sucks because:

Mom and Dad can make mistakes with their own kids; you don’t have that luxury.

Mom or Dad screws up and swears in front of the kids it’s no biggie. I accidentally have the remastered version of “The Chronic” playing in the car when I pick them up and it’s World War III. I have to be on my best behavior at all times with the kids, or risk the wrath of a rather litigious custodial parent. Dr. Dre has officially been banned from my car on Saturdays, the “Fuh-Q” sticker I had on my white board has been relegated to the underwear drawer after an unfortunate reading-aloud-without-thinking incident, and for the thousandth time I have no idea how my 10-year-old stepdaughter knows the lyrics to “Get Low” so please stop asking.

2. Being a stepmom is super cool because:

The kids benefit from your outside perspective on issues.

My 16-year old stepdaughter wanted to care for a baby bird. Her mom said “no” due to past experience and she was devastated and hating her for it. I stepped in and explained that it was because her mother wanted to protect her from the hurt she would feel if the bird died, and she realized that her mother was only acting in her best interests. Like an episode of Seventh Heaven, the issue was cleared up in an hour and everyone was happy. Lesson learned…. OK, well not really, but you get my point. I have at my disposal the ability to act as a mediator solely because I am not the authoritative parent, but I am still an adult and (usually) respected as such.

But it totally sucks because:

You get zero credit for being good to someone else’s kids.

Mother’s Day? Got it covered. Let’s go spend my hard earned money to get gifts for the woman who takes every opportunity to cut down my husband and me and smile through the bitterness because I want to teach you guys some respect by example.

What do I get for Mother’s Day? A card. From the cat.

3. Being a stepmom is super cool because:

You learn a lot about yourself.

I never thought I would be capable of loving children who were not my own the way I love my stepchildren. For once in my life I put someone else before myself, and I don’t give it a second thought. I have no disposable income anymore, and I am OK with that. I will email a band I don’t even like because my stepson is devastated he lost a souvenir from their concert, then feel absolutely elated when they send him a replacement souvenir and a follow-up email. Not because I get anything out of it, but because the kid is happy and is now another childhood memory further from needing therapy as an adult.

And I also realize just how much I LOVE MY OWN MOM. I have called her numerous times in the past year to apologize for being rude or bratty to her in my childhood, adolescence, and yesterday when I made fun of her email forwards.

But it totally sucks because:

You are constantly told “You don’t know; you don’t have kids.”

I know that is true. But I am also a relatively intelligent human being who can make logical and rational decisions based on the facts surrounding the current situation. There is never a time, even through three months of having limited use of my right leg due to major hip surgery, that I have not had the children’s best interests in mind. If I even make one decision that could be misconstrued as selfish, inevitably I hear “You don’t know what it’s like to have kids of your own.” There is no comeback for that, as unfair as it may seem. When you hear that one, argument’s over.

4. Being a stepmom is super cool because:

You get to see what being a parent is like without having to go through the birthing process.

Call it a sneak peak into parenthood without the stretch marks and hemorrhoids. I will at least in part know what to expect when my yet to be conceived child has a problem at school or a growing up issue. I will have an advantage over first-time parents on how to balance a demanding career and kids, how to work my Saturday errands around birthday parties, and how to put together a last minute school project the day before it’s due.

But it totally sucks because:

You will never be their real mom.

Enough said.

5. Being a stepmom is super cool because:

You have an excuse to watch Hannah Montana.

Let’s face it: there is something about that horse faced little brat that is just so damned charming, Oliver and Lilly might possibly be retarded and admit it, Jackson is the shizznit. Christ, they just moved into a new house, and it. is. awesome.

But it totally sucks because:

The kids are not around every day for 10 hours, which is roughly the amount of time Disney airs Hannah Montana.

You get caught because you forgot to erase it from the DVR and you will never live it down. Ever.