Major OOPS!
My SO had his 2 sons this past weekend and I didn't have my son at all, so I decided to take advantage and have some "me-time". So I went shopping and bought a bottle of wine and camped out in the bathtub. I just didn't want to hear the skids whining all weekend. I texted my mom about how annoyed I was with SS3 because he is a little a-hole because my mom gets it- she's been in my shoes. Well.... Monday night I asked SO to look up a phone number that my mom texted me last week and he happened to see the texts I sent her about his son. WHOOPS. So the next day, SO asked me "what do you think of SS3?" I felt super bad! I just told him he is a handful but he is little and will grow out of it and mine is a handful also.
I still feel bad that he saw it.
On another note, I am so frustrated because that same day, SO tells me that his 5y/o son's mom now wants him to take the kid EVERY weekend instead of every other. Right now, he has his 3 y/o every other week and the 5 y/o on the weekends he has the other kid. My son goes to his dad's every weekend. So that means every other weekend, SO have all weekend just the two of us. And we love it, we do dates and we lay in bed and veg out. So when he said he is going to start having SS5 every weekend I about lost it. I said "Don't be mad when I decide to keep my social life on the weekends. There goes our couple time and your social life" I'm mad just thinking about it!
We have a great relationship but that almost does it for me.
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So when he said he is going
So when he said he is going to start having SS5 every weekend I about lost it. I said "Don't be mad when I decide to keep my social life on the weekends.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HMMM..I wonder if your kids SM said that to your EX since he get his kid every weekend too....
LOLOLOL So it's ok for your
LOLOLOL
So it's ok for your ex to have your son every weekend. However, it's not ok for your BF to do the same.
I wonder how your ex's SO feels about the visits.
My ex is not in a
My ex is not in a relationship with anyone. He lives alone and usually only takes our son Saturday morning through Sunday, sometimes Friday nights. Depends on what he wants. We are very flexible with each other. It's not a formal agreement but that's what he wants to do. Just last weekend he had a party Sat. night so I kept our son.
I ABSOLUTELY understand where
I ABSOLUTELY understand where you are coming from and I feel for you big time! I would go ape-shit on my BF if the only time we got to spend quality time together on the weekends because we are working Mon-Fri he had his kid(s)!!! EVERY couple deserves to have "us - alone" time. Of course things come up, and exceptions can be made to accomodate schedules but couples NEED a break from their kids bio or skid EVERY relationship needs time for just the two people involved, and when they DON'T get that time resentment, anger, rejection, etc. starts to form and we all know what that can turn into....
^^^^EXACTLY^^^^
^^^^EXACTLY^^^^
RIGHT ON!!! When weekends are
RIGHT ON!!!
When weekends are the only time available for a couple to do things together (because usually they work all week) then having skids every weekend is a bad, bad thing. Because bios will NOT get a sitter for their kid since "she's only here on the weekends!" I know plenty of couples who have a sitter EVERY friday night for their own child because that's their "date night". Nobody bats an eye. But TRY to take a weekend night off when you have a skid over---not going to happen.
i think a person IS more
i think a person IS more entitled to their spouse than children, whether they are bio or step. the spouse is the number one consideration, the children are number one responsibility. but i agree in cases where every weekend becomes a responsibility (versus an option), babysitters would definitely need to come into play.
^^^^I AGREE^^^^ Marriage = #1
^^^^I AGREE^^^^
Marriage = #1 Priority
Kids = #1 Responsibility
As they say, "Shit rolls down hill" if things are not as they should be in a marriage then everything else slowly falls apart as well!!!
I agree with your post, BUT
I agree with your post, BUT when you're talking about anywhere from 1-3 kids, that's an expensive babysitter bill! Plus, the bill for whatever we go out and do. Honestly, getting a babysitter is not an option for us financially.If we did get a sitter, it would be once every couple months. And that is not an option either. When we have alone time, usually we just sit at home and enjoy the quiet and hardly spend anything. My SO has to take that into consideration also.
the way things are now, you
the way things are now, you don't need a babysitter. if your dh volunteers to have kids every weekend, he won't get babysitter because he wants to spend his spare time with his kids vs having couple's time with you. i'd be pissed and flipping my lid if my dh VOLUNTARILY did this, too! did he talk to you about it or just decide for himself? yes, you have the RIGHT to expect couple's time, whether it's having a weekend without the kids (your only option now), or when/IF 100% responsibility falls to you (if affordable). i think it's an apples to oranges comparison to say you should keep your mouth shut because your dh wants more time with his kids, at the expense of your marriage vs having 100% custody due to death, etc... it's a CHOICE right now.
i also think it's awesome you
i also think it's awesome you gave him a heads up that if he wants to sit at home and spend time with his kids, don't expect your social life to come crashing to a halt! if he goes through with this, i hope you stick to it. as far as being supportive, it's your dh that is not being supportive of your marriage! i'm sure that if you ever obtained custody, things would be different, a few priorities would change out of necessity. but right now, he's certainly not cherishing and choosing his marriage. rock on girl.
Thanks for your comments!
Thanks for your comments! It's nice to see some positive things on my posts! And trust me I will fight to keep our weekends together but if that goes away, I'm going to start going out with my friends again, which I haven't done in a loooooong time. And no he doesn't get a vote in that matter!
I'll be crossing my fingers
I'll be crossing my fingers that that never happens. Beings that my SO has 2 BM's then it would be pretty damn unlucky for me.
To be fair to my SO, I
To be fair to my SO, I suggested he maybe take SS5 a couple extra days during the week, instead of the weekends. He agrees with me that he would rather not take away our free weekends because he cherishes them just as much as me. I know it's not my place to tell him he can't take his son when he wants and that's not what I did. I just wish there was a way we ALL win.
that is great news! you DO
that is great news! you DO have a say in this, it's your life too. and if you're ok with the extra time during the week, it sounds like you all DO win! you're a great lady to find it within yourself to compromise. he's a lucky man and sounds like he loves you very much. much happiness to you!
Thank you! That's nice I
Thank you! That's nice
I will admit that I would rather not have extra time with the skid at all but we'll keep that between us 
But the kid's mom wants weekends off so she can party. She literally said that to my SO. But she has 4 other kids with 4 other guys so good luck with that ya idiot.
A happy mom is a happy home!
A happy mom is a happy home! Same with smoms! If husbands can figure this out, it is really amazing how happy a home can be. My dh loves to spend alone time with me daily if at all possible. We either have coffee early in the morning before kids get up or try to get to bed early and have kids in their rooms. Now that our boys are all 14, 15, and 17 it's gotten way easier. When I first met dh his son was 11 almost 12 and was ALWAAAAYYYSSSS in our space, even after we went to bed he'd knock on our door, etc. or is we got up early he'd come grogglily stumbling and lay on the couch and fall back to sleep. I would get sooooo resentful that I'd walk out of the room and just drink my coffee in my bed and watch tv. My dh and I didn't spend much time together alone back then. It took him a couple years to figure out that our relationship was #1 consideration and he wasn't shirling his responsibilities by telling his son to play quietly in his room or go out to play or stay in bed until he called him. But I HAD to SPEAK up and tell him my needs without being too critical. Such a balancing act. Oh and here's the clincher, when it's your bio kids you don't even think of it when they are in your space daily b/c they're your own flesh and blood.
"Oh and here's the clincher,
"Oh and here's the clincher, when it's your bio kids you don't even think of it when they are in your space daily b/c they're your own flesh and blood."
Exactly!!! We as bio-parents are used to having our kids around, in our face and in our space lol. But to have someone elses kids doing the same it is a whole different ball game. It is like the annoying neighbor's kid who won't go away!
I truly believe the only way that a blended family can and does work is if they do as follows:
Marriage #1 Priority
Kids #1 Responsibility
When you let kids/bm run the show and call all the shots that is just begging for disaster, resentment, anger, rejection, etc. in the marriage and if the marriage is compromised then all else will come crashing down with it.
I obviously love my own child
I obviously love my own child but I absolutely hate other peoples kids and yes that includes my bf's kids!
Ditto!!! If WE can't stand
Ditto!!! If WE can't stand our own friends or family members children kids because they act like fucking shitheads then why the fuck would we like or love a kid that we CAN'T GET RID OF???!!!!! DERRRRRR PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to call a "spade a
I'm going to call a "spade a spade" }:)
All kids (bio & step) = problems, stress, invasion of privacy
Preach sister preach!
Preach sister preach!
Xtina, think long and hard
Xtina, think long and hard about this relationship. If you can't stand your SO's sons and he only has them part time think what will you do if he gets them full time?
I dated someone that only had his son EOW weekend and one night a week. I was having a hard time handling that but stuck it out because I said, well, it's only EOW weekend and one night a week. I thought BM would NEVER let BF have primary custody of his son because that would mean she would have to give up CS.
Well, one day BM calls BF up. She says she's really busy working and going to school and would BF like to have custody of SS? Of course BF jumps at the opportunity. Once he got his son full time BM didn't even bother to pick the son up on the weekends. BF went from having his son EOW weekend to having his son 24/7.
Just think about this. You may love your SO, but you can't stand his sons. Just think what will happen if SO gets a chance to have more time, or worse case, he gets full custody for some reason. What will you do then?
I got caught once talking
I got caught once talking SHIT on my skid....hubby WAS NOT HAPPY...thankfully it was not that bad, it was a text to one of my BFFs....one who has NO IDEA just how much I loathe my skid's existence. I wouldn't if he had a mother, but I have him 24/7 and don't even get child support from her drug addict ass. Now that I am MARRIED to skid's dad, I am FORCING him to take baby momma for child support She gets WELFARE...I want my share of her FREE FUCKIN MONEY for her CROTCH DROPPING kid....see, lucky my hubby didn't see THAT in a text, LOL......Only STETPALK, and 2 friends and my mother know my TRUE feelings about my skid. Cuz they're that bad! I know who would judge and who won't...gotta be careful with that........
NOW I have put a password ON MY PHONE, and ON MY COMPUTER. When I leave the room for an extended period of time when hubby's home, I restart my computer and erase all browsing history. every day, a few times a day. he's a snoop.......read my texts about his kid before....on my phone....spying...when I talk about the skid via text, i delete every 3 texts all day, every day. My friends i talk shit on skid with know the rules: no texts after 8:30pm about skid, and none in the mornings till the hear from me first....trust me, i've so learned how to cover my ass......my mom doesn't text so our conversations about skid are verbal when hubby's at work. AND if hubby were to get on my computer SOMEHOW, I have different passwords to my facebook, and steptalk is NOT SAVED as one of my favorites, so he'd never know to look for me on it or find it.....If I don't get to vent about his kid and how much I wish he'd just go away to another country....hell, another STATE would even make me happy....i'd go INSANE.
Learn from a pro how to cya where SKID is concerned. you have the RIGHT to privately vent about how you feel about that damn kid!!! Carry on my friend, just do it more skilfully }:)
You're my Hero.....
You're my Hero.....
If you're on google chrome,
If you're on google chrome, push CTRL-SHIFT-N and you're on 'incognito mode'. So your browser doesn't save your history, remember forms or save passwords.
You are my hero too and
You are my hero too and you're hilarious!
That's what I suggested to
That's what I suggested to him... I suggested he take his son an extra day or two during the week rather than every other weekend. He proposed that idea to the kid's mom this weekend and she shot it down because AND I QUOTE: "I want to party on the weekends."