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Update- Nephew's officially my ward. Poor kid is having culture shock. He's atheist, we're religious & that's just the beginning

Yosemite's picture

My 14 year old nephew was placed with me by CPS in another state. The culture of the state where he was is vastly different than the culture here. Our family values are very different. I feel bad for him. At least he and AD20 have the whole emo thing in common.
It's going to be a huge adjustment for him. He went to church for the first time in his life today and was not thrilled about it to say the least. We are pretty much the opposite of what he is used to in every way, especially FDH with his traditional values and former military mannerisms.
About the only thing he's liking is that I am comfortable financially. When I found out he had only the clothes on his back, we went shopping and bought a new wardrobe. We also picked out new furniture, comforter, curtains and paint for his room. He was amazed by these simple things....makes me feel even more sorry for him. Apparently the financial situation of his grandparents has been going downhill for awhile but they were too proud to ask anyone for help. Now their marriage imploded and my poor nephew is collateral damage in their war with each other. Sad.

Comments

Yosemite's picture

I agree. I told him I can't make him believe anything but I am responsible for his religious education now, so he has to come to church. I told him I am happy to discuss things with him if he has questions or just wants to talk about it. However in my house church attendance is mandatory.

Yosemite's picture

My nephew has been living with his grandparents (paternal grandfather and step grandmother if you want to be technical) since he was 4 because both of his parents were on drugs at the time.
My brother eventually cleaned up his act, but my nephew continued to live with his grandparents because my brother didn't want to uproot him. My brother did, however, play an active role in his son's life all the way up until he died of a heart attack a couple of years ago at age 30.
My nephew's mother is still on drugs, no one knows where she is. Every once in a blue moon she will contact a family member to ask how her son is doing. CPS is looking for her now as she has to get notified of the current proceedings.
The grandparents are getting a divorce, they are both moving to different states and apparently at this point nobody wants to take my nephew, especially as he has been acting out pretty severely. I learned that my nephew also made a suicide attempt, wound up in the hospital for a week. The reason CPS is involved is because he had no insurance and when the hospital bill came, the grandpa started yelling at my nephew for costing him so much money, my nephew yelled back, got slapped and they wound up physically fighting. Grandpa basically said he's too old to deal with the teenage bullshit. He gave CPS the phone numbers for the relatives on both sides.

BethAnne's picture

I think that if you treat him as a person with respect and as capable of his own decisions things will go easier (until he proves he isn't that mature and can't abide by his rules). Discuss your house rules and what you expect from him and what he can expect from you. Discuss religion and the role it plays in your lives but with an air of respect for his current beliefs. If your beliefs have altered at all over your life time then maybe bring that up to show how ideas can change and that his might too. If you would like him to attend church with you then let him know that it is so that he can learn about Christianity as an educational experience but that you know that you have no control over what he believes you just ask him to respect your beliefs as you respect his. If appropriate say that you would like him to attend church for a set period of time (3 or 6 months or until he is 16 whatever you want) but after that time it is up to him what he wants to do. I think that no matter what his beliefs instilling a respect for other peoples religious ideas and freedoms is a very important lesson that seems to have been missed by many these days.

Bossladee's picture

Also, good on you Yosemite, taking in your nephew, he's lucky to have you and you must have some good karma coming Wink