SO Won't Stand Up to BM
I've been living with my SO for going on 3 yrs (we might as well be married). He's a great dad and he has 50/50 custody of his 2 kids (K and 1st grade) and we have a 22mo old together. He's so submissive to his Ex-Wife/BM. The kids miss at least one day of school every week they're with BM. She doesn't take them to their extra curricular activities EVER. BM lies about them being sick so that she can keep them out of school (I've got med records to prove it, swear I'm not crazy). Most recent example: she took the youngest to the Dr., said the Dr. said the kid had strep, kept the sick kid out of school all week and the other, not sick, kid out 2 days; I went to get the Dr's excuse for the child (because of course, she didn't get one) and the excuse allowed the kid to go back to school the next day! When she brought the kids back to us, I asked her where the antibiotic was for the child, just to see what'd she say, to which she responded, the antibiotic was only for 3 days....because I'm an idiot. . My SO doesn't ever say anything to her about any of it and won't let me either. He "doesn't want to start anything" and he says there's "nothing he can do about it." It wouldn't be anything for him to reopen his divorce agreement and fight for his kids (they had a no fault divorce). The kids have missed over 10 days of school (I lost count) and we're barely halfway through the school year.
This isn't even the beginning, this is just the most recent lie she's told. It goes way beyond anything I could ever make up.
She doesn't know that I know about the lies she tells. I'm nice to her just to keep peace with my SO and the kids, but I'm about at my breaking point.
He makes me feel like I'm tripping out for no reason. It drives me crazy that, as a step mom (legally, not even that), if he doesn't do anything about it, there's nothing I can do. :? :?
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Comments
Yes! This is perfect. He is
Yes! This is perfect. He is a totally different person when it comes to dealing with her.
Just let it be. If you try to
Just let it be. If you try to do anything you're going to upset your SO and quite possibly set off some crazy in the BM.
I'd think that at some point the school would start asking questions about why the kids are out so frequently, but maybe not if they have Dr excuses most of the time.
We are in a similar situation with my skids, but they are a bit older. I am afraid of what will happen when SS12 hits high school and is still kept out of school frequently...but BM doesn't think ahead, doesn't think education is important.
Join the club. You have a
Join the club. You have a rollover ostrich type who "doesn't want to make waves with the BM because it might affect the children." (TM)
If this bothers you, then RUN NOW!!! It definitely doesn't get any better.
Stay tuned for: Not being
Stay tuned for:
Not being consulted beforehand when there are visitation schedule changes
Being left in the dark about "guilt" purchases for the skids
BM dictating your life from afar, making rules for your house, false allegations etc.
File under 'give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile.
SO is teaching children ever so subtly that BM rules and Daddy drools.
Then when skids start overstepping their bounds; acting like they are grown and have "A.S.S." (Adult Spousal Status); treating SO with disrespect, SD starts acting like a miniwife, you won't be surprised.
It's a self fulfilling prophecy: BM: "See, I TOLD you kids that your father is a wet noodle."
Unfortunately there is really
Unfortunately there is really nothing you can do. Unless she is physically abusing them (even then), the courts won't do anything. If she has some dr excuses, they may see it as you are trying to make trouble.
It is hard, but she is the mom and can do what she wants on her 50 percent of the time.
Pretty much true. My BM IS a
Pretty much true. My BM IS a Child Protective worker and the skids have been truant for the last 11 years; they are all crater failing as well. She just blames it on fictitious "learning disabilities" which they show NO sign of. Do enough doctor and therapist shopping and one is bound to do what you want. Smoke screen for L.A.P. (lazy assed parenting) Zero expectations or boundaries for these kids in like forever.
Pick your battles it may be
Pick your battles it may be irritating but you can't control what goes on at her house just like she cant in yours. She is the mother (whether right or wrong choices she makes) I know its hard because you love them "like your own" but this issue is not your fight.
But yes SO does need to stay something because it is effecting his kids education, and parents can get in trouble if kids miss too much school. He needs to make it known that if they do it was all on her time so she will be responsible.
My BM is similar to yours and
My BM is similar to yours and my husband acts the same way yours does. I used to care about all of these same things in the beginning, but I don't anymore.
These aren't your children and you shouldn't worry so much about what BM does or doesn't do when they are on her time. If she doesn't care about their education and your husband doesn't do anything about it, why should you worry? Just focus on your own child.
You are not responsible - I
You are not responsible - I couldn't care less if kids go to school if they are with BM . Who cares and more important - why ? You are not responsible how these kids will turn out as adults . I really don't get at all why so many steps get so worked up over things that are frankly none of your business or concern or responsibility. Concentrate on YOU. be the best YOU can be and let the skids parents raise them.