Dinner Dad
Okay can't remember whose blog I just read and they said their DH was a "Dinner Dad". LOL I love it!
This is my DH!
Every couple of weeks getting close to the weekend or during the weekend I will hear:
"I need to take my girls/daughters to dinner"
This is DH's way of letting me know he will be spending time with his kids. Most likely YSD called wanting Daaaddddy to take her out to eat.
Funny thing... SS is rarely ever included in these dinners. Just special YSD and MSD.
So he takes them to dinner or possibly a movie and spends about 2 hours with them and then he is done for another couple of weeks.
Now granted, there are times here and there that his "visitation" includes something different, but not that often. The dinners are the norm.
And I can almost hear it in DH's head "Okay dinner done. I did my job as a dad and now I can go back to sticking my head in the sand until the next couple of weeks."
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Comments
I'll never understand why
I'll never understand why some of these dads even bother with visitation when this is the kind of effort they put in.
Who takes care of the kids the rest of the weekend? Or are they old enough to do their own thing?
Teas83- YSD is 15 and the
Teas83- YSD is 15 and the rest of the kids are now adults.
Granted before I came along and ruined everything the skids (YSD and MSD) would come over for the weekend. DH would do his own thing though and they would do their own thing.
Once I stopped planning activities for the weekend (before things went to shit with the skids) was when I realized, if it wasn't for me making plans, DH and the skids would hardly even interact with each other.
They showed up for their scheduled visitation but DH still went about his life.
When we moved in together DH would drop the skids off and then just go about his business or go lay up in the bedroom. It took about 2 weekend visits for me to be like Awww Hell Nah!
He also allowed them to lay in his bed with him and watch movies. This was the time he spent with them. I put an end to that real quick. No teenage girls are going to be laying up in my bed with Daaddddyyy.
I don't blame you at all for
I don't blame you at all for discontinuing your efforts. If the bio parent isn't putting in much effort, the step parent shouldn't either.
I'm kind of in the same boat as you, although my SD is a lot younger.
I tried for probably a good
I tried for probably a good year. I realized I was the only one who cared about their relationship.
Really I think they are "okay" with how their relationship is.
I dont understand it all honestly. But DH grew up with a terrible mother and has a bad example of what a family should be and how a parent should be. So honestly he hasnt had a good example. Our counselor told us we have different views of what a family looks like and how they act together. She said my idea/view was normal. DH's was waaayyyy on the other side
LOL
I dont think DH feels that he
I dont think DH feels that he has the same "obligation" towards SS as he does the girl skids. SS used to live with him before he graduated, so maybe that is why?
Also SS is welcomed in my home (girl skids not), so we do see him a little more, so maybe that is why he makes more of an effort with the girls?
Another thing- 90% of the time SS just shows up with his live in GF. Now mind you, they are adults (SS is 21). So when DH takes the kids to dinner it ends up being 5 "adults".
Oh yeah its always with his
Oh yeah its always with his own money.
I agree... I would love to have SS over more. I have never had any issues with him. He lived with us for a little bit and I didnt mind it at all.
The only thing with inviting him over more- is that DH would think its unfair that SS is over and that the girls would get upset and then he would probably let them come over as well.
I am trying to keep the girls AWAY from my house.
So as much as I would love to have them SS and GF over, I cant risk it due to the girl skids.
That would be a great idea!
That would be a great idea! LOL
Well ya know YSD and MSD are Daddy's little princesses and SS is a "Man" now.
Hey, I love it! You can take
Hey, I love it! You can take your SS out for your own dinners. I enjoy my time with my bios and DH can have his time with his Slum Princesses, leave me out of it.
All they ever do is look skanky and act skanky and point and gossip about people being fat or ugly or whatever nasty thing they can come up with. I tried to teach and preach and say "shhh, don't worry about other people, if everyone would be the same, this World would be boring", but they got worse, so I stopped being seen with them in public.
Last time I did one of these
Last time I did one of these dinners with the skids was July 2013.
MSD and I got in a "fight" over the tip amount that DH left. I thought that DH needed to leave a bigger tip and MSD did not. Even though she was not paying, she felt for some reason to tell DH "Its okay Dadddddyyy you leave whatever you want."
That resulted in us basically going at it over what is the appropiate tip that should be left... yes I was aguring with a 17 yr old (at the time) over this.
DH just sat there acting like he was still figuring out the tip, ignoring it.
YSD looked at me all snotty with that face "na na na ha ha" . Swear to God I wanted to reach across the table and smack her face.
**Btw DH was trying to leave a 15% tip and I felt that he should leave a 20% tip since there were 5 of us and the skids kept drinking down their drinks like they were dying of thrist and the waiter had to come to our table way more times because of this.
I tried to convince Chef that
I tried to convince Chef that visitation should be about REAL LIFE and not a 24/7 3-ring entertainment circus.
The first mistake he made was NOT to have a structured visitation plan. Just on the fly, at the BM's whim phone calls in which he would stop in the middle of practically open heart surgery to race down and have the "privilege" of seeing his own children.
Usually EVERY weekend when the then-dating BM felt like dumping the skids off. Then she would withhold visitation if Chef did not cow-tow to ALL of the skids very expensive tastes and if he made the effort to train/discipline. She wanted complete and utter control as "the parent." Chef taking the role of his children's non-parental status butler and entertainment concierge.
As the years past and Chef realized he could not longer up the ante, the phone calls went something like this:
Chef: Hi, hooooonnnnnnnneeeeeeeeey! (syrupy sweet two octaves above what dogs can hear)
Skid(s)--(no greeting such as "hi dad"): Where will we be going this weekend? What FUN things will we be doing? Will we be eating out?
Chef: Well,hoooonnnnnneeeeey, we can't afford that right now, but we have a hayride planned and then a nice home cooked meal.
Skid(s): BLLEEECHH! I think I'll stay at Mom's house this weekend.
YES YES YES This is my
YES YES YES This is my DH...
The skids would come whenever they wanted. Sometimes every weekend for a month. Then not at all for a month.
I HATED this. I never knew when they would be coming. I couldnt make plans. I was always stressed and on edge. This was so normal for DH.
And the phone calls sounded the same. They only wanted to come (especially YSD) if we were doing something fun.