MSD trying to fight me all while holding her kid
I have been talking about this and posted it in some other step areas that I am apart of, so forgive me if I dont provide all the details right away. I am kind of tired of talking about it, yet would like some outside opinions.
MSD19 is a liar, thief, manipulator who has caused most of the issues with me and DH and the other skids.
I have given her LOTS of chances for her to only screw me over time after time. Finally in December after her latest issue, I was like I am DONE. Done with her.
She was already not allowed in my house because of her stealing even though DH didnt agree with me on that. (That's another story for another time)
Fast forward to yesterday.
SS comes over to work on his car. Comes into my bedroom where I am watching tv and tells me that MSD is coming over too. So I text DH who is outside that MSD is not to come into the house. Just a reminder.
She really has no reason to be at the house. She doesnt like me. I dont like her.
SS then tells me that MSD is on pills, is leaving her baby with BM, stole BM's pills the other day, etc etcc.
Well MSD shows up. I'm inside and my thought process is, as long as she is outside I am cool. I dont plan on going outside and she doesnt need to be inside or should want to be. She has made it clear plenty of times that she hates me.
Well of course as soon as I go into the bathroom I hear her come into the house.
So I have about 1 minute to decide what I am going to do.
#1- be polite. But if I do that then both MSD and DH is going to think I am okay with her past transgressions against me and all is fine. Which in time would lead to her thinking she is welcomed in my house and I KNOW 100% that in time she would steal again or cause trouble I just know.
#2- stick to what I have felt since 2013 that I dont want her in the house. I dont want to watch her to make sure she doesnt steal.
So I see her, tell her nicely that she needs to go outside, she cannot be in the house.
So sits on my couch and tells me she isnt going anywhere and she doesnt have to leave.
So I turn to meet DH who is walking up the stairs from the basement.
"DH, MSD needs to leave, you know I dont want her in the house." (Like he thinks I have just been saying this shit for my health???? He KNOWS how I feel.)
DH is like she was just saying HI and she is fine.
To which MSD who is standing behind me now holding her kid "I told you I didnt have to leave, I can stay, you dont tell me what to do"
So I'm like excuse me, you need to leave now. DH she needs to leave.
Well this really pisses her off because she starts yelling at me and grabs my arm and tries to push me down the steps. WITH HER KID IN HER ARMS.
So I'm trying to get her off of me and not hurt her baby but protect myself. She keeps trying to grab at me and she is screaming in my face.
DH is half ass in the middle of us. (another post and story, not sure if I feel like getting into that today)
So I am basically blocking her from grabbing me and trying to push on me. I am soooooo mad but I know I cant fight her. She has a damn baby in her arms! My kid is in the house. WTH!
So I kind of push her back and outside the back door and slam the door on her and she opens it back up and I really yell at her and am telling her she needs to leave.
SS is yelling at her to leave. DH is kind of yelling at her. I think SS was more pissed by her behavior then MSD.
She's screaming she hates me, her sisters hate me, I have ruined their relationship with their dad.
Ummm honey not my problem. YOU are the only one not allowed in the house. And my house should have nothing to do with you and your dad's relationship. Same for your sisters.
Finally DH makes her leave after I threatended to call the police.
Later we got BM texting DH calling him a pussy. That his kids see he has no backbone. That I'm a cunt. She can't believe I run him like that. He's a handsome man, she cant believe he feel for me, he can do so much better then me. (Seriously not being vain but I am BY FAR the prettiest girl he has been with BM or the 3 others he dated after BM.) That she hopes it was with it he will never see MSD or the GB again. How she (MSD) loves DH so much and just wanted DH to fight for her. More insults about me. How I'm bossy.
Funny think its always BM telling DH how to manage his relationship with the skids 3/4 who are adults.
Then OSD posts stupid stuff on FB about the issue.
Lots of feelings and emotions. Wish I had went to the cops right away to at least file a report to have a paper trail. I guess I was so shocked at the time. I plan on going after work now and doing it.
DH, I understand is caught in the middle. I dont believe 100% that because I am his wife that he should always have my back. I feel like if I am wrong about something he should call me out on it. Same with kids. But I know 100% I wasnt wrong. MSD was 100% wrong. She came at me in my own house. I feel like he should have stepped in right as soon as he heard her get nasty with me.
Typical DH thinks its done and over with and he is dismissing how upset and angry I am about the issue.
I made it clear MSD is to never set foot on my property again.
MSD has gotten into physical fights with DH, BM, her son's MOM, all the time when she was in school. She's a mess.
BM and the girl skids seem to think this behavior is okay and acceptable. Ummm noooo.
I dont have step drama often, but when I do, its usually big.
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Comments
Police report. Request a
Police report. Request a temporary restraining order. Seriously
I'm going to go to the local
I'm going to go to the local police station after work. I have dealt with them before with DV - with my ex, him pushing me. They never really did anything or took me seriously.
So I have kind of lost faith. But I am at least going to try. They can make a report. At least I have a paper trail.
I dont care what DH thinks about it either. I want to make it VERY clear that I will not deal with any kind of harrasement or this behavior in my house.
Had to get that posted fast
Had to get that posted fast to you ... 'cuz Zero, I've been following your ups/downs and frustrations. Yeah, DH is a lot of it, but you have the right to feel safe in your own home. Period. Dot.
MSD AND DH violated a rule that was created for a frickin' reason. Shame on them both. But, protect yourself. With BM & MSD playing the pill game, you are not safe. Get the paper trail started if you haven't already. Use your phone video at all times you have contact with MSD. Video may be worthless, but audio holds up in court.
Geez. I'm so sorry.
Thankfully I dont see her or
Thankfully I dont see her or deal with her often. I saw her briefly in passing on Father's Day this year and before that was December and before that was March 2014.
DH KNOWS I dont want her around. He said I thought you just didnt want her in the house when you weren't here. NO DH.
He told her to come into the house and say hi. Not sure why. And not sure why she even did. She hates me???? Did she think if she decided to be nice to me THIS time that it was okay?? Even though every time before that she treated me like shit????
So I can understand that there was probably some confusion on her part BUT she knows I dont like her and she shouldnt be surprised, especially by the way she treats me.
But it doesnt matter. I told her to leave. She didnt and put her hands on me. It doesn't matter if I was the biggest bitch in the world. She touched me in my home. It would have been way worse if her kid or my kid wasn't there.
He so avoids conflict that he
He so avoids conflict that he doesnt see the reality. But he sees it now. (I hope).
oh no. Her plan wasn't to
oh no. Her plan wasn't to come in and say hi to make amends. Her plan was to be confrontational and start a fight. And she did. She probably was going to file charges on your for assaulting her while she was holding her precious baby
File the police report. DH
File the police report. DH can have his conflicted feelings. You can be a loving wife and try to listen and understand and help him with it. But don't let his feelings change your actions on this one. Life is no game, and giving MSD more and more chances to bring this drama into your life because you love him just sets yourself (and your marriage) up for problems.
It was def. trashy. Ugh. MSD
It was def. trashy. Ugh.
MSD has NEVER lived in that house. Has probably been there a total of 12 times in 3+ years AT BEST. Maybe has stayed 4 nights and hasn't stayed there since 2012.
Not sure why yesterday she felt like she had every right to be at my house and was shocked when I told her to go and even more shocked when DH made her leave.
When you file a police
When you file a police report, be sure to mention trespassing specifically. When we had an incident of someone coming onto our property and refusing to leave, we mentioned trespassing in the police report and the cops said that they next time they lay a foot on our property they will be charged with trespassing. I would def ask about that. DH needs to know she's not allowed on the property PERIOD.
Even though DH initially told
Even though DH initially told her to come in? But I did tell her to leave multiple times.
Yes, the person we had an
Yes, the person we had an issue with was invited onto our property and then refused to leave.
The problem isn't your DH
The problem isn't your DH parenting, but reinforcing that it is your house and she is an adult and not entitled to be in YOUR house just because...hell she isn't entitled to be there even if its just her Dads house.
I don't allow OSS21 to stay in my home or crash when he needs a place to crash...and if DSO doesn't like it, he is more than welcome to go find his own place and his boy brats can stay with him forever. I still get anxiety if OSS is coming to just give his Dad a bday gift for a few minutes.
I do allow him to visit but even DSO won't allow him in the house for very long and definitely unsupervised. DSO knows what the POS has done.
You allow SS to be there so no, it isn't all you or you being a bitchy SM.
I am more concerned with your
I am more concerned with your son ~ use that path.
Tell DH you are not willing to sacrifice your sons well being for his Daughters own personal gain. That your house is your safe haven and she is not welcome in your home. Her behavior blows and you don't want your young son around her irrational behavior. He does have a voice ~ you are his voice.
^^You focused perfectly on
^^You focused perfectly on what is most important.^^
When I was having issues w my
When I was having issues w my SD ~ my SO wanted me to give her ~ her umpteenth chance n I said no can do ~ I will no longer sacrifice my children's well being for a chance your daughter can behavior. I am a widow and my children have no fathers place to go to. If she can't behave or doesn't like our rules she goes to tinkerdiuches. Well that's where she can stay. We ( SO & I ) spelled out very clearly what we expected of her n her BF. You pushed me to the point of no return. ~ didn't believe me ~ sorry sweetie ~ you did enough damage here no interested in your excuses. I want a hassle free life ~ you are bat shit crazy girl.
You have every right to not have her welcome in YOUR home ~ it's your domain n their place to visit. But to visit you have to be invited.
I told him this. I'm like I
I told him this. I'm like I cant have BS around that and think its okay. Because it's not.
The problem w/ trespassing is
The problem w/ trespassing is that your husband invited her in to start with. However, 3rd degree assault is a slim possibility. Did it hurt when she laid hands on you? 3rd degree assault involves injury, but "hurt" can be considered an injury. Also, she was attempting to really hurt you by trying to push you down the stairs.
Since you are filing the report well after the incident occurred, that is going to make the police less likely to take any action. Ask that all witnesses fill out a "witness statement" - if you think they will back your story.
I would definitely go for a restraining order through the courts.
DH should have been more than half assed between you. He should have been protecting you, especially when she was trying to push you down the stairs.
File the charges. Make sure
File the charges. Make sure you state that you were in fear of your life. (true - she tried to push you down the stairs).
Then buy a gun (legal, all registered). If she sets one foot in the house again tell her to leave. If she keeps coming, tell her you have a gun and will use it to protect yourself. If she still keeps coming blow her fucking head off.
That girl is is a drama
That girl is is a drama loving, bat shit crazy b*tch.
Did she bruise you? Did it hurt when she grabbed and pushed you? I would definitely get a paper trail on someone that tried to push me down any amount of stairs with a baby in her arms. If she's taking and stealing pills, tell DH no way in hell is she to be around DS at all.
You need to fill out a
You need to fill out a trespassing authorization form. Most police departments have them. You as property owner list on this form who is not allowed on your home and who can be arrested for being on your property. Add her .
If your DH had made it very clear to her that she wasn't allowed inside, then this wouldn't have been an issue. He is partly to blame her.
Exactly... and yes that will
Exactly... and yes that will be done as well.
Next time she acts like that while holding her kid, it may be against someone who doesnt have the restraint like I do and her baby could end up getting hurt. She's crazy that is for sure.
I'm trying to understand DH's
I'm trying to understand DH's pov. I would hope that my son would never act like that, but I try to think what if he did and what would I want DH to do? I know he is caught in the middle.
Everything you said about boundaries are so true. That is why I told her to leave. Had I said hi and just let her be at the house, all of her past transgressions would have been looked at like "okay" and she would repeat that same behavior. I 100%+ believe that.
This behavior is DH's norm.
This behavior is DH's norm. Not making excuses for him but he grew up in a BAD environment. He saw that behavior all throughout his life with his mom and her pimp and his siblings. Then BM would act this same way. So in some ways I think he is desensitized. Not saying its right, but I think this is partly why his reaction was the way it was.
Our life is NOTHING like his life with BM which was a lot of fighting.
DH said I was holding my own.
DH said I was holding my own. He didnt think I was in danger and that is why he was half ass about it. I was like she's going at me, I'm defending myself, you are in the middle of us, trying to get her out the door. It happened so fast, maybe the whole thing lasted 2-3 minutes.
I think in ANY situation if it's wife/kids once it escalates to violence someone should step in.
I told him, if she wasn't holding that baby it probably would have been a lot worse because I was being very mature and not reacting to her aggression as so much as just reacting to getting her away from me and out of the house. But we could have been in a full out fight and someone could have seriously gotten hurt. And no matter how I feel about her, I really dont want to have to fight my husband's daughter.
"DH said I was holding my
"DH said I was holding my own."
Who cares how you were performing in a physical altercation that was forced upon you?
If some strange guy attacks you in an alley he's just going to chill because it seems like you're fighting back okay? Your ability to fight back is irrelevant. DH should be concerned solely with the notion that someone was attacking you, as he would in the alleyway example.
As tog said, men protect their wives. You were attacked and he both introduced the possibility of it by letting his daughter in your home, failing to take responsibility for getting her out of the house when you asked him, and then hanging out while she attacked you.
Honestly, I don't understand why you would put up with him treating you like this, let alone make excuses for him.
Yes initially he did say she
Yes initially he did say she was fine. He thought because she was going in to say "Hi" because he told her too, that that would make all the other b.s prior okay. It's because he is delusional and just wants everyone to get along. What he doesnt realize though is that we are probably never going to get along.
It wasn't until I made it clear that she was leaving and no that she cannot stay that he backed me up. I think he was confused when I first told him she had to leave, he didnt know what she said to me in the livingroom.
In general though, he shouldnt have even questioned me. It's my house. I dont want her there (for legit reasons) so he should have told her to leave right away.
I went to the local police
I went to the local police station and talked to an officer.
My options are trespassing order or Protection Order.
I would have to go downtown to big city for PO, file and then wait for a court date. The PO would cover everyone in my house, including DH. Right now I am not going to go that route.
I am going to go with the trespassing order. The officer I talked to yesterday was supposed to call MSD and then call me back, but he hasn't. I am going to follow up with him this afternoon.
I dont plan on seeing MSD any time soon. Heck prior to this we would only see each other maybe 3 times a year in passing. So I think right now, I am good without a PO. However, if she does come around or I see her somewhere and she starts something, then I will not hesitate to file a PO.
I have a paper trail with talking to the officer yesterday. The no trespassing order should let her know that she's not allowed on the property and that I obviously have no issues going to the police.
DH and I talked about things. He understands my pov and backs me up. We are just going to move forward on this.
Oh I will.
Oh I will.
I only laid my hands on her
I only laid my hands on her to get her off of me. I was defending myself. I had to put my hands on her to push her away from me. Every time she put her hands on me I pushed her hands off of me or away from me. But I never put my hands directly on her unless I was defending myself.
When I talked to the officer yesterday I asked him if I did anything wrong and he said no and that I have a case for a PO because she was in my house, I asked her to leave, DH told her to leave (not right away though) and she still put her hands on me.
I wish I would have called the cops right away. However once she put her hands on me, it was a lot of back and forth and I was trying to get her away from me. If I had stepped back I would have went down the basement steps. I was trying to get her off the landing (we have a split level) and out the back door.
I hope you went to the police
I hope you went to the police and made sure the report mentioned trespassing and attempting to push you down the stairs while carrying her __ age child. Those two things specifically protect you in the future.
Take out an order of protection against her so that she cannot be within a certain number of feet of you. If she violates it she will be arrested. You will probably have to have a hearing to make it permanent, but the police report should be enough for that.
Ask the police officer that you are worried about her child's safety and the child could have fallen down the stairs. Ask if you should call CPS or if they will do it.
If you haven't done this then I don't know what to say. You know her next move is to try to get you arrested for assaulting her, so I hope you have enough sense to thoroughly protect yourself. If your DH is going to get mad at you for all of this, then I guess you'll be able to see where his loyalties will always lie.