he drapes his socks on the side of the hamper. instead of INSIDE the freaking thing!!! i mean if ya made it that far, could you not make it all the way into the basket?

He's messier than his three year old. When he cooks he fills the sink with dishes for me to wash obviously. We take turns with the" I cook, you clean" deal. I've gotten to where I cringe when he goes into the kitchen. He leaves cabinet doors open or the dishwasher sometimes. I was alway taught by my dad to clean as you cook so that when dinner is ready the person in the kitchen got to eat with everybody else. My husband has no understanding of this. His mom did all the cooking and cleaning and she always, even now, doesn't eat until after everyone else because she cleans up after them.

Oh and he has this princess moment where he refuses to eat hotdogs if he doesn't have chili.

DH likes to drink tea, but ONLY Lipton lemon Tea in the gallon jugs. For some dumb ass reason the super Walmart that I usually get groceries at has not been carrying this tea for months now, so when I get groceries I have to make a special stop at Tops for the stupid tea, and if they don't have it? then I have to stop at ANOTHER grocery store on my way home from work the next day! I mean really, I literally have to drive around TWO fucking counties looking for this tea because he won't drink anything else.

Then... when he finishes a jug of tea, he leaves the EMPTY jugs sitting on the counter... yesterday I came home to three of them! I'm about ready to shove them up his ass!

My DH is great, but he loses EVERYTHING. Would seriously lose his dick if it wasn't attached. At least twice a week I get summoned out of bed to help him find his car keys, or his wallet, or his shoes. Apparently he cannot use his giant brain to figure out how to put his stuff in the same spot every day. He's lucky I love him.

Conversation on the way home from work yesterday in the pouring rain.

SO driving and send a text

Me: Who are texting
SO: Do you need to know who I'm texting. It's my phone
Me: ignore
SO: Do you think I would text another woman right in front of you
Me: No, I just figured it must be really important if you are texing and driving in the pouring rain during rush hour traffic.
SO: I only text back at the red light
This was true but he was reading the text from his buddy while driving.

This is annoying because SO likes to brag about how open he is and how I can check his phone or computer anytime I want. But I can't ask who you are texting while driving in the rain. I value my life, sorry.

Doesn't listen when I say something and just replies 'uh-huh', or 'yeah'.

Takes for freaking ever to get ready to go anywhere. Talk about high maintenance, holy hell.

When he is sick or anything, he hates to cough, so instead will do this loud throat clearing thing, I don't know why but it is the most annoying thing ever.

Really not too much that isn't skid or BM related. I'm lucky in that regard.

He constantly wants to have long, drawn out conversations about politics, science or maths while I'm trying to read/crochet/watch TV. Well, I say conversations. What I really mean is he wants me to listen to him talk. And even if I want to add something, I can't get a word in for a minimum of five minutes. I have ADD, I can't concentrate that long!

DH flicks his cigarette ashes into the kitchen sink...and there is an ashtry a foot away. WTH?? And NO, he does not rinse the ashes down the drain. I have to do that.

And newspapers and their advertisements. I swear, I just threw a foot high stack of Christmas ads into the recycling bin. I have NO idea why he stockpiles the darn things - and there are many duplicates! He's so busy at work, he doesn't often get a lunch break so the newspapers don't get opened and read. So he brings them home...and they pile up. I put them all in a paper bag. Think we have 3 weeks worth now. I'm going to start pitching one here and there...

Probably my only complaint is that he talks incessantly about things that don't matter to me. It's useless knowledge - sometimes he even sits next to me near the computer and reads aloud the Yahoo headlines. (I fuckin hate Yahoo "news"!) Sad to say that I DON'T CARE about most of things that SO says. I know he's just trying to make conversation, bless his heart, but I'm really okay with silence over the drivel he spews. It's mindless chatter honestly. I wish he would either find another friend or find other things to do with his lips rather than tell me...

- When such-and-such sports player was born.
- What the weather will be on Thursday, and what it was in 1992 on Thursday.
- How old such-and-such supermodel is.
- How and when so-and-so actor died, who he's survived by, and his highest-grossing movie role.
- What deals you can get at Banana Republic this weekend (when we have ZERO plans to go to Banana Republic).

And the worst thing is that he's aware that he does this... and he says, "I know, babe. I'm doing it again. Useless knowledge."

Gah!

DW likes tea. I mean English style - hot with milk and sugar.

Unfortunately, unless we are sitting in a garden cafe in London, NO ONE will EVER get it right (not even me). So DW will ask for a tea after a meal in a restaurant and I cringe. The waiter/waitress will come back with a concoction that the restaurant believes to be tea but it isn't tea and DW will bitch and complain about it. She will never learn. Here in the USA, we drink coffee. No one drinks tea.

We stopped by a Dunkin Donuts once. I was walking in to get a cup of coffee. DW says "Oh! Can you get me a tea please?"

I froze. Turned right back around, sat back in the car and said "I changed my mind. I don't want anything."

Another pet peeve I have with DW...and this one boggles my mind as much as the tea thing, why does DW insist on asking me something WHILE she is brushing her teeth? WHY?

Even this morning she did it.

DW: "Oh Drac0? Aftrefork an oooeeekuurrmfrommlik?"

Me: "What?"

DW: *spit* "I said, after work can you pick up some milk?"

I love my DH, I truly do. He does most of the cooking, and he's a good cook. But every bowl, pot and pan, whisk, mixing spoon ends up dirty. As do the countertops. For a 3-ingredient omelet. He's retired, so he does most of the kitchen cleanup during the week. (I use "clean up" loosely.) And I do a thorough clean on the weekend.

But during the week the counter and sink will be full to overflowing before he deals with it. He hates unloading the dishwasher. He lets the trash go until it is overflowing onto the floor, and when he replaces the garbage bag it's half assed so garbage ends up on the outside of the bag on one side.

Once I asked him about this. He said he just doesn't like doing this stuff. I said I don't like doing this stuff either. So if he doesn't, then it's either me or the magic kitchen fairy and we're both kinda tired of his sloppiness.

Dh insists he does not need a hearing aid. This leads to some very strange conversations like a conversation a few days ago.

Godess-clueless..." wow, there were a lot of police showed up at the NYC Police funeral"
Dh......." a lot of baking soda showed up?"
Godess-clueless...." you need a hearing aid!!!"
Dh...." do not"
My sister's remark....." well, I always add NCYPolice when I bake.

ooo ooo i got one more - he has a habit of talking to me when he's facing the other direction or literally walking away. he has NO sense that the direction his voice is traveling is *away* from me!

Nothing more comical then listening to a half deaf persons replies. Even funnier when listening to conversation between 2 half deaf people!

I love my DH man-baby, really I do. But he does have his quirks:

- Cannot stand to be interrupted, but often interrupts me. Hates it when I ask him to please not interrupt me.
- Is so organized about work, yet physically incapable of filing...anything, ever.
- Squeezes the toothpaste from the middle. Gahh!!!
- Always leaves dirty clothes inside out, despite me asking him not to. Now, he gets them back the same way.
- Hates the way I drive. Complains about having to do all the driving.
- Is a big time history revisionist. Hates to be corrected.
- Wants the same cool toys his friends have. No DH, you cannot have a 60k UTV like Johnny has.
- Wants me to handle his kids & the in-laws for him. Hates that I quit being Cruise Director for his Titanic family.

Wow! That felt great!!

Boy, I could probably go on all day.....but I'll just throw out one....

He never believes what I tell him, even the most mundane question like "what time is it?" No matter what he asks me and how I reply, he always double-checks me. Like earlier this week.....

SO: Hey, what time is the championship game?
Me: 8:30
SO takes his phone out.
Me: It's on ESPN since you're looking it up.
SO: Huh?
Me: You are taking your phone out to double-check the time, right? Why even ask me in the first place?
**crickets**

My dad does the same thing to me, too! Drives me bonkers, but I call them out on it, which is always fun. Whenever I get **crickets** or the deer-in-headlights look, I know I'm right.

DH is a nester. Which means when he changes he drops his clothes on the floor in a giant pile. The pile moves around the house lol.