Thanks to a recent post on this forum, I discovered the book "Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do", by Wednesday Martin. It is a relavation after 29 years of being a stepmother. After all these years I have finally found a book that perfectly describes what I have been through, and why all my attempts to be the perfect, loving stepmother have been futile.

We have been led to believe that as stepmothers: "remember that his kids will always come first; leave disciplining to him; you will regret forever if you lose your temper or say something nasty to your stepchildren, so whatever you do, don't; with patience and love they will come around". Does this sound familiar? Does it describe how you handle your marriage?

If a spouse repeatedly takes the side of his children it is a strong message to the children that the stepmother has little value. A father and stepmother that do not present a united front to the stepchildren will only reinforce the divide that so many stepchildren use, and are usually successful in obtaining.

You can pull the book up on-line by going to Google books and typing in the title. You will be able to read many of the pages of the book, but not its entireity. It will be a wake up call to all of you!

I could go on and on about what I have discovered from this book........If you intend to remain in a marriage with stepchildren, then read it now to insure your sanity!!!!!!!!!! It might even help those who have not yet entered into such a marriage, and it will surely act as a caution that I wish I had had those many years ago. If you aren't making any progress with your significant other prior to marrying him, you are headed for a very painful uphill battle; one that usually the stepchildren win. Beware and be warned!