A Baby and SS
We found out about a month ago that H and I are having a baby. This is my first child and all H has is SS. So we are very excited as we have been trying for a while.
We have told SS about this and he is over the moon about it. He has not left my side while he is with us. He is all "can I get you something to drink StepG" "do you need anything StepG" "Dad let's go sit in the other chair so StepG can lay down she does not feel good". He is totally sweet and loving and talks non stop about what he is going to do for the baby when it gets here. He is almost 9 years old and he wants the baby to be a girl. Now SS has a little brother from BM and her BF who will be 3 in January. SS loves the ground that kid walks on and acts like his little daddy. When BM was pregnant with the little brother SS was very clingy to his BM but not like he is with me. He was more whiny and wanted all BM attention. With me it is total let me take care of you StepG. So I am please with his reaction to the new memeber of the family coming and the way he talks about all the love we gonna give the baby.
So my issue is on Wednesday H and SS went to see Transformers and they had conversation that makes me sad/concerns me:
SS: hey dad you remember the other day when StepG dropped me off at my moms?
H: yes
SS: well I went in the house and to my room and shut the door and just cried
H: son why did you cry
SS: I been thinking that I do not want you and StepG to leave me
H: why would you think that son?
SS: I do not know I just think about it sometimes and I am scared of ya'll leaving me when I get older
H: Did your mom see you crying?
SS: no I was in the room with my door shut
H: Do you feel the same thing is going to happen with your mom?
SS: no I am not worried about her leaving me, Dad please don't you and StepG die
H: son you are too young to worry about those kinds of things Me and StepG are going to be here for a long long time
SS: and the baby too right?
H: yes son please do not worry about those things
they go to see the movie have a great time. that night at bed H reinforces to SS to not worry of those things and he loves him. H said when SS hugged him he squeezed his neck so hard that H had to tell him to loosen his grip.
Now I guess my thoughts are if he is thinking about death why would he not be worried about his mom dying as he LOVES his mom. SS LOVES me and H as well but it is a very different love than he has for BM. It is easy for SS to love us it is a job that he could potentially fail at when it comes to loving his mom and he knows that.
The next morning he was in GREAT mood and now rather than hugging me which he does several times daily he puts his hands on each side of my belly and lays his head on my belly and kisses it and whispers to the baby I love and I am going to take care of you.
Have any of you dealt with this with Bio or Skids the death thing and them being left without you? I wonder if a new baby has anything to do with it or has BM said something to him?
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Who knows, maybe he saw a movie that got him to
thinking about it. And about the comment about his BM, he probably just means that he isn't worried about her dying, not because he isn't afraid of losing her but because she is always there.......he probably feels like he can never get away from her as it is! lol!
My own Bioson had issues with death. His idiot father told him that he would be shot down by the iraque's and wouldn't come back, but to hold on to his memory after his death. My poor son was TERRIFIED that his father was going to be killed. I said, well son there's nothing to worry about, I could be driving to work and get hit by a mac truck. His response, "yeah but mom you won't". I don't think it meant his was any less concerned with me dying, it was just more along the thought process of "mom will always be here, dad may not" kind of thing. Maybe that's what he was thinking as well? I dunno.....
~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~
StepG....
Wow, what an interesting blog! First off, congrats! How far along are you? I just found out a few weeks ago that I'm pregnant also. (I'm at about 9 weeks now.) Like you, this will be my first child & my husband's 2nd (he has a daughter, who is almost 9). We, too, had been trying for a while, so we're excited!
I wish SD8 had the same reaction that your SS had! When we told her last week, she asked if we were adopting a kid! (What a weird response! I can't help but wonder if BM put this in SD8's head. Like, since I'm 30 I'm too old to have kids now. Of course, BM is my age, but she got started at 17! And she's told the kids that she's done having babies.) ANYWAY, so once we told SD8 that I was HAVING a baby, she smiled & seemed ok with it. (In the past, she threw fits if we even mentioned having a baby someday! She would leave the room & go pout!) But that was pretty much the only time SD8 gave the baby any consideration. She didn't even tell the daycare provider on Monday (who we'll all pretty close to). It's like she's trying to forget that it's happening. I mean, it could be because it's so early & I'm not obviously pregnant yet. Maybe once that happens, she'll remember? SD8 is really self-centered.
One thing that SD8 did say was something about the baby being her stepbrother or sister. I made sure to correct her...it'll be her HALF brother or sister, just like her older sister is. I wanted to make that clear because I know BM is going to have a field day with this (if SD8 even remembers to tell her, lol).
Your SS sounds very sweet & caring. The day SD8 asks me if I need anything or realizes how lousy I feel will never come. Like I said, she's self-centered & is unable to empathize for people (just like BM). It's too bad because she has the potential to be a wonderful little person...it's just hidden under all the baggage from BM.
The worrying about you & your husband dying is very strange. It could be so many things. BM could have said something to him. He might just feel more secure with you both that he started wondering what would happen if you both were gone & it was just BM. I really don't know. I think it's pretty common at his age to start thinking about death. SD8 hasn't, but when former SD11 lived with us, she went through a phase when she was about 8 or 9 where she cried every night because she was worried about people dying. I'm guessing that's fairly normal, but in this case, my husband & I had wondered if former SD11 overheard BM & her "new agey/hippy" friends talking about death. BM always has completely inappropriate conversations with or around the kids. And former SD11 is a worrier, so she would obsess over something like that.
I would just keep talking to your SS & make him feel secure about his position in your family. It seems like you both already are doing that, so keep it up! He sounds like a wonderful little boy!
hello
I am almost 11 weeks looking at a due date of Jan 14th. I wish your SD were as excited as my SS is as well. That by far is my SS best quality is his love no matter what.
You make a good statement that really I already knew but did not think about it when I posted this:"He might just feel more secure with you both that he started wondering what would happen if you both were gone" SS feels more secure with his dad and I in the sense that he knows he does not have to prove his love to us or that we will stop loving him because of something. I know he feels this way about his mom that he has to prove he loves her and afraid she will not love him if he is honest about his love and family with us to her. I know that he would be DEVASTATED if something happen to his mom. The feeling secure I believe is so right on.
Thanks for the input and congratulations! What sort of due date are you looking at? I would susupect somewhere the week after mine. What state are you in?
BTW
You mentioned you are 30 and this is your first - I am 32 and this is my first! I will have just turned 33 when it arrives!
Pretty amazing...
the similarities we have going on!
I can't remember my approx. due date, but it's probably a week or so after yours. I had my first official appointment last week, where they grilled me about my history, family's history, husband's history, etc...so with all the questions & info being thrown at me, the date escapes me! I think it might have been around Jan. 28th because I remember it being near my brother's b-day, which is the 25th.
I live in Vermont. Now I have to see if your profile says where you live. Probably not near here!
I'll be 31 by the time I have the baby. My birthday is in November.
I'm trying to remember if we've conversed in blogs/posts before because I seem to remember talking to you before. I'll have to go back & look when I have time!
Awwww
that is the sweetest thing I have ever read. What a doll! CONGRATS on the baby!!! I hope that BM hasnt told him that if "daddy has another baby, you wont matter" or something to that effect. Our BM did that and the girls thought that we werent going to see them anymore.
Sometimes kids just think about strange things. My BS11 thinks about death a lot and I have NO idea where he gets it from. I dont let them watch movies with death in it, particularly him, etc., so I have no idea. Maybe it will pass.
Again, congrats!!!!
Oh yeah I wanted to add that
when my son found out I was pregnant with his little sister he cried like a baby! He was so happy and would do anything for me!
When he found out that his dads GF was pregnant (which has since been uncovered as a sham to get out of paying more CS, which now they've admitted she was never preggy..sick I know) my son was furious!! All he could say is great.....now I'll never ever every get to see my dad! Once a year is bad enough, now it'll be never!
I felt so bad for him. But I calmed him down and made him call his dads GF back and apologize and tell her that he was very happy for them and would do anything he can to help her out. **of course, this was before we found out it was BS**
~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~
StepG
"...he puts his hands on each side of my belly and lays his head on my belly and kisses it and whispers to the baby I love and I am going to take care of you."
This was the cutest thing I have ever read. Congrats on the baby!
~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.
What a sweet little boy you have!
I think if SD could have pushed me down the stairs while I was pregnant, she would have. Right after the baby was born she started a campaign of insolence and abuse, like throwing the phone at me while I was holding the baby and nearly hitting her in the head. It is so sweet that SS loves the baby and you so much!
I don't know why SS is so worried about you and his father leaving him. When I was a kid, I had a very vivid imagination and a lot of it revolved around my father dying. In my mind, that was the most horrible thing that could happen in my life, so my mind kept replaying it. But I never told anyone about it. Just keep reassuring him, but don't tell him you're NOT going to die. He needs to understand that people do die some day. My BD5 is always asking me how old she will be when I die. I just keep telling her I don't know but that things will be fine.