My husband was right!
BM is insinuating that my husband is not SD8's father!
She has sent him numerous emails, including one to his work email, which she has never done before. She's desperate for attention. One of the emails asked him why he won't talk to her on the phone & she said, "this is more important than you may realize". Another email asks for his blood type. Hmmmm...so she hasn't come out & said it yet, but it sure is sounding like my husband's suspicions were right.
He keeps telling her that he will not talk to her on the phone, that he wants everything in writing. If it's really that important, she can write what she has to say.
Yeah, I can see the conversation now...BM telling my husband that she had been cheating on him during their relationship/marriage. REALLY?! Gee, what a shock that would be. I doubt that woman has ever been faithful to anyone. My husband's stepmother is going to flip over this one. (She hated BM from the beginning & tried to warn my husband about her.)
Of course, there is a chance that BM didn't actually cheat on him & is just making this up to try & delay the court proceedings. My husband is going to go through with a paternity test (without telling BM). I know, this is tricky & we don't want to hurt SD8, however, I can guarantee that if BM finds out that SD8 isn't really my husband's, BM will tell SD8 in a heartbeat. BM won't even consider how this is going to affect SD8. My husband wants to know the truth, no matter what the outcome is.
So is it bad that in a twisted way I wish that SD8 isn't my husband's? Obviously, my husband is going to be hit hard by this & be heartbroken, and that part I'm not ok with. However, this would get BM out of our lives...because I know that BM will destroy what's left of SD8's relationship with my husband. BM will make sure my husband eventually gets cut off completely. I see the control BM already has over SD8 & what BM did to destroy our relationship with former SD11. Yes, I feel bad for even thinking it, but I can't help but seeing the only silver lining to this...
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That is just
so sad these women do this to their childred they supposedly love! all along making them look like sluts that they say oh you really aren't the dad.
StepG...
That's exactly how I feel! I called BM a few choice words after hearing this. If she wasn't sure if my husband was really the father why wait until now to say something? Oh yeah, because we're fighting for full custody. But a few months ago, my husband almost let BM have full custody & would have had to start paying child support...but no mention of a paternity question then...hmmmm....what is BM after, I wonder??!
No win situation
I would be glad to get rid of BM too but not sure you ever will. You can certainly eliminate financial obligations to BM but will DH really just abandon SD if she is not his biological daughter? Somehow, I doubt it-unless she has already PAS'd the kid not to like him or something.
Sorry, you all have to go through with this. But I think it is better to know the truth than have it hiding there waiting to blow up.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
Abigail...
The only way we'll ever be rid of BM is if SD8 is out of our lives completely, which my husband wouldn't want to happen. If my husband isn't her father, I can definitely see BM PAS'ing SD8 until there is no relationship left. I'm not sure how this all would work, so it would really depend on the outcome, my husband's feelings & the court. I would never want to get rid of SD8 just to be rid of BM. I'm not that mean! I'm just dreaming of a life without BM's constant interference. (As we all probably do.)
Of course you don't want SD to suffer
I totally understand. Really, truly I do because if I could get rid of your crazy BM I would.
From the sound of it, she probably will PAS the little girl. How sad to do that to a little girl but there is nothing you can do about it. You really are stuck. You need to find out the truth so BM doesn't feel like she's got something over you and spring it on you in some time in the future (it sounds like she would)
I feel the same way about DH's skids. I have no control over her PAS the skids. As sorry as I am about that, I am not willing to let her completely control our lives so she doesn't retaliate against the skids. At the end of the day, I know that I am not the one that hurt them, their own Mother did. All we did was stand up to her and not give into constant abuse and ridiculous demands for money.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
I would for sure go through
I would for sure go through with this... so that he can shut her up when he knows for a fact either way.
Go to Walgreen's
and buy a home paternity test! Quick and easy and much cheaper than a dr's office.
Wicked_Step-Monster
My husband went to our local drugstore on his lunch break today to pick one up. My mom happened to see that they had them & told us the other day. Just in time!
My brother had to use one
about a year ago after being accused of being the father of his ex-gf's baby... well turns out he was NOT the father after all. What a relief when we were able to login on their website and find out that NO it wasn't his after all her drama. Quick, easy and confidential!
Keep in mind
JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
home paternity tests are not admissible in some courts - in IL the court requires it the test be performed at a certified lab. It cost us about $400-500
Been down that road Squeegie
JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
and it's not pleasant. When DH was finalizing his divorce, he had to do a paternity test re SS15 (then 13)and found out SS wasn't his bio child. BM had been hinting at it for a long time and even stated he should have SD18 (then 15) tested too because she wasn't his either. (He didn't get her tested, I believe he's afraid of the results.)
BM was a lying, cheating whore throughout their marriage; DH would be gone to work and BM would be out "working" the truck stops leaving the kids at home alone, although sometimes she would bring the men home with her - that's how DH found out, SD told him about mommy bringing home strange men. How sad that you have to hear something like that from your 3yr old kid. BM laid into the kid, cussing and calling her names and telling her she was a "daddy's girl" because she told on her. The truckers weren't the only ones getting a piece of the action - BM screwed anything in pants, including one of DH's "friends".
Although I believe children should know the truth about their parentage, the way BM went about telling SS was just awful. The lies, the accusations, the poor kid wasn't and still isn't mentally stable anyway (thanks to BM) and he was just blown away. DH has tried to maintain a relationship with SS but it's very shaky at best. BM introduced SS to his "real" bio father, but the guy doesn't really want anything to do with the boy. Like you, I felt bad for hoping DH wasn't the bio dad but it was one less tie to BM. And I still feel bad for the boy, but short of BM falling off the face of the planet, I don't know what anyone could do to "fix" this - he's been in & out of counseling even before the paternity test and he's medicated to the hilt - BM has him brainwashed.
I only hope when's he's older he'll understand & can cope with this mess a little better.
dorothyparkerwannabe...
No kidding! My mom almost fell over when she saw them in the store. Unfortunately, she thought of us because my husband's never been sure that SD8 is his. It really is sad. I can't even imagine how he's feeling about all of this. For it to actually be a real possibility. He said that none of this has set in yet...he's still just trying to take it one step at a time. Poor guy.
lol
or Jerry Springer?
Squeegie
I don't blame you for wishing for this on some level. BM has put you through so much, I'm sure it's hard not to fantasize about a future where you could just say "F you" to her and never speak to her again. I don't know what you and your DH would do about a relationship with SD if it turned out he wasn't the father, but regardless, you should know the truth so you can make decisions with ALL the information. Whatever you do, though, continue to stay tough and don't let BM manipulate you by dangling this in front of you. Stay strong!
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
Carbon Copy
BM tried this to my SO for about a milli-second. We laughed so hard we cried. Both of my SS are clones of their father. Same ears, nose, eyes, chins. The youngest one looks so much like dad that they even walk the same way!