Three days ago I left some quarters on our bathroom counter (not the norm for me). Yes, it was a spur of the moment test, as only I and my step-son, soon to be 19, were at home. Money has disappeared from time to time around here, most recently a twenty dollar bill out of my 11 year old son's wallet. I left the bathroom, said stepson used it, and when I went back in, oh, twenty minutes later, 4 or 5 quarters were gone. Not alot, but it is the principle. His father, my husband, asked him if he took it and he said no. So yesterday I confronted him, as is my parenting style. All hell broke loose. Yes, I called him a thief and a liar. He called me a "cunt" and told me it was "more his house than my house" (his father and I have only been married a year) and to "fuck-off" and "get the fuck out of here". He was not told how much was taken off the counter and yet he stated "I have a jar of change in my room, why would I need to take your DOLLAR?" Immediately following the disappearance of my money, he went to get his father's car and drove to town to buy cigarettes. He is a strange, lazy, coddled child, likely because of divorce guilt on his dad's part. His mother was never much of a mom and has been gone for years. I have had very few one-on-one conversations with step-son but during our first one he told me that he has been stealing since he was 9 or 10, when his parents divorced, and they never knew about it. During my one of my few other conversation with this "child" he stated "I don't care about anyone but myself".
My own children, teenagers mostly, can not stand my husband and his children (they think that they are "creepy white-trash racist rednecks" and I suppose they are). My children are bright and motivated and pretty much do not live at my husband's house (the house itself they also find "creepy"). We have another residence, in the same town, and I am with my children daily. We are close and they think that I should get out of this situation.
My husband IS sweet, as only a wife would know, and I Love him dearly. He Loves me and my children but does not seem to know how to discipline his own.
The question that I have is mostly: WHAT SHOULD THE CONSEQUENCES BE FOR STEP-SON'S BEHAVIOR, NAMELY, THE STEALING, LYING AND VILE TALK DIRECTED AT ME? This is my first time at this or any step-parent site--I am a happy, busy Mom and Wife--I run an antique and book business from home, as my husband does not want me to work outside our home except for myself. (This suits me fine, he pays all of the bills and takes good care of our every need, and I am happy that my time is my own.
Some insight please...