new to ST- need some advice- kinda long
Hi!
First of all, wow! I didn't know there was a place for this but I'm sooo glad there is!
I've been married a year and a half and am getting a little fed up with the Skid situation. Please see bio.
I think there should be a little more respect for boundaries and a little more truth for the kids in regards to who belongs to whom, what that implies. and I'm not talking spilling all the dirty details, but I think kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.
Last weekend we went to my MIL's house to see the girls, (i think we should only see one, but that's just me) and saw not just one, not just two, but THREE! it's becoming a regular occurrence and is part of why my DH has not been allowed to have them at our house for over 6 months (which I must guilty admit doesn't bother me much).
However, he misses them, so that's a problem. My other problem with this situation is that even though there are no formal papers with the court for child support, DH is giving BM $ for SD1/2 and SD. I found out that in addition to the money BM gets from DH, she also gets court mandated child support for all three of her kids from the other girls BioF. Let me know if I've lost anyone with that.
being totally selfish for a min. - what I'd like is custody of the one child my DH fathered, and no financial help from us going to BM. (am I wrong for this?) I'd also like to not have to see her other kids at my MIL's, but that is something totally different.
advice, comments, questions are welcome.
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Comments
Okay, so the BM has three
Okay, so the BM has three children, but only one is a biokid of your husband's? Why would the other two be at the MIL's in the first place?
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
because his mother is
because his mother is stupid.
the reason is that when the oldest was born and there was some doubt about it being his, his mother an brother were soo wrapped up with the idea of a baby in the house that they told him something along the lines of "it takes a man to raise a child". He was only about 20-21 at the time and was getting bad advice all around. So he stuck around for the kid.
BM's new boyfriend wants all the kids gone on the weekend, so he makes her ship all three of them off to the CS paying dad, or to my dh's mom, but only if she takes all three. If not then she doesn't get to see any of them. (she considers the oldest two as her granddaughters)
Which is why we haven't seen them, because we refuse to take all three.
Sucks
Girl, you just made my life
Girl, you just made my life seem easy! Thanks. LOL!
Seriously, I am not sure how long your DH was married to BM and how much bonding went on between him and her bio kids. However, I tend to agree that regular visitation should be only with HIS child and I sure as hell wouldnt be financially supporting her bio kids.
The tough spot is that no matter the situation they are kids, I feel bad for the whole lot of them!
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
it's difficult to get him to
it's difficult to get him to acknowledge that he's only responsible for one because the other BioF is such a loser. He's constantly yelling at the girls when they are there, or ignoring them all together. MY argument is that you can't help everybody, so why not get custody of his and do the best we can for her so that at least one of them doesn't end up like the BM. I know the other dad won't give up parental rights, and trying to get custody of the oldest would be a waste of time.
While I agree that his only
While I agree that his only financial obligation is his biochild, you also have to try to view this from his perspective. I don't know how long your DH and his ex were together, and depending on that, your DH could have established a loving relationship with these other biochildren, and vice versa. If anything were to ever happen to me and DH, I would still want to visit with his children, I love them, I have cared for them for a few years now and would miss them terribly if I couldn't ever see them again. Anybody after DH would just have to be understanding to that or hit the road. You have to seperate the love and care for these other bio children, of that from his ex. Just b/c he still cares for these children, does not mean that is a sign of his feelings for her.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
I'm curious why DH is paying
I'm curious why DH is paying non-court-ordered child support rather than making it official? The court would obviously only require him to pay CS for his own bio-child and you may be able to get joint physical custody of her so that DH has the legal right to see her even if you refuse to let BM dump all the kids at her house.
Because most men are
Because most men are freaking idiots and don't have any idea how to cover their own asses. A co-worker of mine had the same issue. No matter how many times I told him to give the BM money orders or checks he weekly gave her cash payments as CS for their daughter. As SOON as said co-worker moved in with his GF BM decided to take him to court for CS. Since he always gave her cash, he had no proof of previous payments and they made him pay tons in arrears. Men are just really dumb sometimes.
WHAT!!!! I think I'd fight
WHAT!!!! I think I'd fight tooth and nail to keep DH from paying CS for the oldest if it came to it.
She and the youngest sister know that he is not their dad and that the other guy is really their dad.
He was giving BM cash a long time ago, but stopped when he couldn't prove where it was going. He pays things like day care, directly to the day care co. so it's all on his bank statements. Other things like clothes and shoes he keeps the receipts for.
I asked him why it's not through the court and he said it's because they both agreed not to for his benefit. His job pays him by commission, so some pay periods are not as great as others. I bring up the issue occasionally to get at least joint custody of his BD so that everything will be spelled out on paper. Anyone know roughly how much lawyers fees to do this are? or can we do it ourselves? (fyi TEXAS LAWS)