Dh and I have 1 together so far. DS is the new baby of the family. I think that's what makes SD so jealous and bitter - because DS took away her 'baby' status. It's sad that at 20 yo she can't get past it. But I never thought of myself as the 'golden uterus'. Platinum maybe.

I have perfectson17 from EH, DH had 3 kids already... no more for me! I've had a hysterectomy but once upon a time my uterus was indeed gold! 24k and diamond encrusted!

Dh and I do not have a biological baby together because I can no longer can have children. I never thought that it gave BM more status then me, or in DH's mind she has more status. Im not sure if Im catching on to what you are saying.

I totally get what you are saying! I hate that BM has the status of "mother of his children". She thinks it gives her an important position in his life and uses it as a reason to be involved in our lives and make her crazy demands. I would love to have another child and break that hold she has over him. "His kids need this and his kids need that" I would love to be able to say, "well our child needs ____ so back off"! DH has 3 (7,15,16) and I had BD9 when I was 18 years old. I always hoped to have another. When I met DH we thought long and hard about it because together we already had so many and to start over with a new baby would make DH a parent for almost 35 years. We may still try... We'd love to raise our own child together!

I can relate to the "status" issue. I plan to have a child of my own, and I think that will really help me with a lot of my issues about this blended family situation. There'll be less resentment, anger, and insecurity.

This reminds me of what SD said to me the other day, she said "You should give BD a baby brother." I was completely speechless. However, me and BF aren't married, and he's had a vasectomy, so a baby isn't in our future at all. Which I'm fine with that, BM can have that title. I remember BF telling me that he didn't think him and BM would have lasted any longer than a year if they didn't have kids so soon.....so I get the pleasure of our relationship and love for one another being the reason we are together, not kids.

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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”

I actually had my BM use this with FH.. mother of his kids. Now that I had BD she uses mother of his only sons. Sheesh I can't win lol. I don't give a shit tho she looks like a cyclops n I don't!

Yes it gives me some weird satisfaction to know that I had my husbands baby too. It actually really used to bother me to the point of being depressed about it. I wasn't sure I even wanted more kids as I have a BS 13, and a SS 7...but it did not feel right that he parented with this other woman, and shared the experience of child birth with her, and not me. I didn't for some reason in my way of thinking, think that it was fair or right. So I made the big decision and had a baby... don't get me wrong... wouldn't trade my beautiful daughter for the world.. but it DID change things, things DID become different. I felt somehow better to be able to share the parenting experience with my DH rather than watch him parent with someone else. It now no longer bothers me when they parent together...

"I felt somehow better to be able to share the parenting experience with my DH rather than watch him parent with someone else. It now no longer bothers me when they parent together..."

Very well said. This is how I imagine it would feel.

i cant wait to say this back to bm! infact she knows that she will no longer be able to try and make me feel bad by saying it to me, and because she is so wigged out about us having kids the mediator told her (among other reasons) she has to attend counseling to get over her issues!!

We are too old, LOL--plus worn out raising our 4, two each. If I have a regret in life, it's that I didn't have his child--he is a sweet awesome dad and I would have loved that moment together. Cherish it, you lucky ones!

Yes, DH & I have one together, and he is dying to work on a 2nd, but I'm trying to hold off until next year. BM knows she can't pull the mother of his child card, even before we had one, because we know SS is not his child. I do deal with this with my EX's GF though, she is jealous that I am the mother of his child, so I'm told. I said, trust me, I wish he wasnt the dad!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Nope. I don't need to poop out a kid to be his number one.

And I say that with NO DISRESPECT to any of the SMs here who have had a kid with their BF/DH. I only say that out of disrespect to the pitiful excuse for a human being that is DH's ex-wife.

UCSM (BB)

"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin

Dh and I have 2 boys together. I dont know if I feel any more validated having his kids or not, but it does make a stronger connection with DH I think.

I think that having our BS made us feel like more of a family. I am the mom of this house and having a child here full time to mother makes it easier to mother my step sons w/o infringing on their mom's status.

It had a huge effect on my relationship with DH's family. I really feel that it is a big reason that I have such a great relationship with my inlaws. They were very close with BM before BS2 was born, now not so much... now they hug me, babysit for us & email & just come over for visits. Yesterday I had 14 people over for sit down dinner with our families for SS12's birthday. My MIL actually told SS9 to ask his mom (me) for a pen and then had to correct herself & use my name.