What you need to do is go out and make yourself an appointment during the time he "arranged for you to babysit without your consent".....pronto. I don't care what it is....nails, hair, or just a latte at the local coffee shop. DH used to do this, until one night I had plans. He huffed and puffed about who was going to watch the kids, and I shrugged and sweetly said, well next time you should make sure I'm available before you book me as a babysitter.

To me the issue is that he didn't consider asking you if you had anything going on, rather than it being an issue of skid vs. biokid.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

All I can say is stop doing it. But thats easier said than done. Until you stop him he will carry on doing it. Trust me, I know.

Some men assume that since you are in a relationship with them and they have children that you are taking on the responsibilities of the "Mom". I don't think it's evil. I think he also would rather you kept the child because his Ex is his Ex for a reason and most of us don't like dealing with our Exes...so it's just easier. I think most times what men do are just what's easiest at that moment in time. I believe it is an issue worth putting out there in no uncertain terms though...if as you said you've been told you are NOT the parent and they assert that clearly then you have absolutely NO responsibility. I think Responsibility EQUALS the amount of parenting rights you have....otherwise you are correct, you are just a free and easy babysitter while they retain every lick of power and respect as the parents...a sweet deal for them but its also known as slavery.

I've been there too, no you shouldn't be responsible, especially when they disrespect you in the "parenting" role and verbally and loudly exclude you. My bf used to always "Make it Clear" that I wasn't the skids parent also. He is a little more respectful now because I go on about my business. I schedule appointments and go to the gym, go shopping and don't take sd8, which she hates.
I feel like he needs to stand up to BM and say well what are you going to do about taking care of her, I'm at work. I had to disengage from the skid situation and it sounds like you too need to disengage from taking responisbility and SO MUCH OF IT for their daughter.

p.s. I'd make some appointments during the week too... snarl... It'll be ok. The men pout a bit during the transition, but he'll step up.

Make plans. I'm sorry, I'm spending the day with some friends. We're going to see a very adult "r" rated movie and have cocktails so it is not a kid-appropriate event. You'll have to find someone else to babysit.

Sorry to blog hog but it occurred to me as i was hitting send on my last that my DH did this to me for a period of time. Before we were even married, he got promoted but it meant he had to work some shitty hours (like Thursday through Monday). He couldn't switch his visitation because his daughter was in school during the week and school was too far away for him to drive her the hour there and back every day on his days off. Sooooo, he asked me if I would watch her on the weekends. At first, I was fine with this but then it really started to get to me. I work all week, and then have two kids to watch by myself all weekend. Meanwhile, BM didn't work at all and had all of weekends completely free and DH had his days off (Tuesday and Wednesday) all to himself while I was at work...Thankfully the problem corrected itself and I didn't have to do much about it but man did it ever cheese me off. I'm sorry you're dealing with it.

I have had this problem at my house too. In our case, BF wants SD around BM as little as possible because she is a neglectful mom and a poor influence due to her bipolar and personality disorder. This was confirmed through a psychologist when they were battling it out over custody and BF requested and was granted a custody evaluation. I can understand that but at the same time I did not like just being expected to sacrifice things I wanted to do to watch a child I did not give birth to or have legal resposibility for. I solved my problem by seeking other interests that kept me busy and away from the house some, like going back to school at night, working out with friends and seeing a therapist - that gets me out of the house several nights per week. He learned that either he could accept this or find his way back out the door. At first he would have his mom or sister watch her, but now he is taking SD with him more when he has places to go or he stays at home with her. He finally realized I wasn't here just to make other people's lives easier while making my own life harder. He may not like it but that's the way it is.

It was something I had to do for ME! About two years ago I had some anger issues that were consuming me. I had to talk to somebody. Therapy has taught me a lot about setting boundaries and limits. If I didn't these people would have just run over me and consumed my life. BF does not like psychologists and refuses to attend with me but he does not care if I go. He only went to one for the custody evaluation because it was in his best interest for obtaining the outcome he wanted. You know, they always think we are the ones with the problems anyway. Fine, let him think that. It gets me out of the house and has helped me turn the tables. Glad you got a chuckle from it.

I used to watch DH's son, just assumed the role of 'mother.' Then the BM decided she wanted to ban me from her house (can't go on the property now, so I don't go w/ DH for the pick up or drop offs anymore, even though SS7 wants me to come along.)

So whenever she requests for DH to watch their son, and if DH has something to do during that time, I ask him, "are you going to be able to watch him AND do whatever you have to do at the same time? Because you and I both know SHE doesn't want ME watching Ched."

He has to think about that and sometimes decline it. I've stepped back quite a bit, because I don't want the BM to accuse ME of doing something inappropriate. WHY give her ammunition?

~*~It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye; then it's a game: Find the eye.~*~