On behalf of Keepsgettingbetters family - Thank You
I would just like to say thank-you very much for your thoughts and prayers.
Over the last month I have been slowly sifting through Dani’s personal items and came across her Step Talk log in details which prompted me to log on. At the time I wasn’t going to share about her passing I just wanted to read her blogs so I could get a better understanding of what she was thinking and feeling and what key actions I missed that lead her to think she had no other way out.
Stories by Steve – Maybe you are right and no matter what I would have said to her, still may have resulted in the same out come. There have been no suicides in her family that I am aware of but her brother does suffer from schizophrenia psychosis, which is a form of depression.
I have read some of the other posts that have resulted from Dani passing and I would just like to say afew words to areyouserious and NoDoormat. You can be angry at me cause I am more angry with myself as well.
NoDoormat, you said - BUT, WHERE WAS HE WHEN SHE WAS BEGGING FOR HIM TO MAKE HER MATTER AND VALIDATE HER WANTS AND NEEDS AS A SOON TO BE HUSBAND?
Your right. Where was I when she needed me?? This is a question I have been asking myself for the last 3 months and unfortunately I don’t know how to answer.
Areyourserious, you said - We really do not know the entire story BUT I do hope the husband takes a closer look at his kids the next time he ever chooses to get involved in another relationship.
My children and I are in counselling and have been for the past 2 months. I am trying my hardest to be the best father I can be for my boys, they loved Dani too and we are all certainly feeling her absents in our home. As for taking a closer look at my kids, this has hit them very hard as well, as my eldest boy blames his mother as BM kicked him out off her house to come and live with us, so he thinks that him living here was too much for Dani, so he blames his mother and himself for her death.
My children are not fantastic and I am doing my best with them as Dani would want, but please do not assume that I have rose coloured glasses on when it comes to my boys. As for another relationship, that’s a thought I can’t even digest at the moment.
To DPW and all of the other members who shared that they had once thought about this as well. Thank you. This is why I wrote about Dani’s passing to help others that may be feeling the same as her.
To those that printed this off to show your husbands, I truly hope that my blog has help them to understand that step situations are not easy for the SM and that they continue to love and cherish you as you deserve.
Thank-you again.
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Comments
Ok - I am bawling now too.
Ok - I am bawling now too. PLEASE do not blame yourselves, her depression is what made her do that, she was sick, poor thing, that is all.
I am glad you are seeing counselors as this will take a lot of time to reach any peace about it if ever. You have my deepest sympathies!!!
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham
I know not to blame myself,
I know not to blame myself, but it's very hard not too when you don't have answers as to why. I know this aching feeling will get better with alot of time.
Thank-you again.
I am so sad for you all, and
I am so sad for you all, and Dani.
Please try to be strong, for yourself and the kids. HUGS
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham
I work in the mental health
I work in the mental health field like Steve, there is never an answer to "why". Sometimes you have to tell yourself that "it is what it is", learn and accept. You only have control over your own thoughts and feelings and reactions. Dani had her's and she chose a different path. Sadly, when someone decides to commit suicide, there is very little anyone can do to stop it. There is no pushing someone over the edge, they were already there.
We all smile in the same language
I wondered if you'd read the
I wondered if you'd read the other posts of what others said... Im sorry for you. My heart breaks when I think of your wife and you and your boys. My continued prayers are with you and your family.
I'm so sorry for the
I'm so sorry for the terrible loss you, your boys and Dani's other loved ones are dealing with. You all will always be in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))
KeepsGettingBetter's Hubby /
KeepsGettingBetter's Hubby / Kat -
I fully agree with this KGB Hubby! Thank you for coming back to us and sharing.
God Bless you and your children with strength and peace of mind.
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
KGB Hubby - I pray for peace
KGB Hubby - I pray for peace for you and your children. I, too, reread some of KGB's posts. I never got the sense that she was that far down. All I can say is, reflect on it but don't beat yourself up about it. Suicides are generally a long thought process (not a "I'm having a bad day" option). I remember the first months after my brother chose this option. The anguish and guilt and anger were overwhelming, but they do become less in intensity IF you allow yourself to let go of some of it. As in any grieving process, the first year will be tough as you go through the all the "firsts" without Dani. You and your boys will find that as time goes by you will start to have more good days than bad days or maybe at first more good moments than bad moments. You'll always miss her and you'll find there are days when you ponder "why" more often than others, but you will redefine "normal". The new "normal" will suck for awhile, but you'll find a way to go on. Right now there is a huge gaping hole in your heart. As time goes on the hole will get smaller and it won't be so obvious in everything you do, but it will always be there. Somedays you'll be more aware of it than other days.
Peace and God bless,
Soverysad
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Thank you KGB for having the
Thank you KGB for having the courage to come up here and tell us what happened. Your story and your loss has really hit me hard. A lot of husbands do not realize what it is to be a stepmother. I wish you and your family all the best.
It pisses me off that fellow ST members would have the nerve to come up here and berate your situation like that. Like they are some shining shimmering pinacle of perfecion. Whether this is a public arena for blasting your opinions, that was totally uncalled for. Shame on them! I do not normally go out of my way to make comments like that, but it has to be said.
***I love you like a fat kid loves cake***
KGB's Hubby, my heart breaks
KGB's Hubby, my heart breaks for you and your boys. Hindsight is always 20/20 and, especially with an untimely death, we have a million 'if only's'. You did the best you could, in the situation you were in, with the resources you had, and I don't think you let anyone down. Why Dani made the choice she did we will never know, but it was about what she couldn't find within herself, not what she couldn't find in you. You are a loving father who is sensitive to his childrens needs, and you are doing all the right things to help your boys cope with this tragedy.
I wish you healing, hope and happiness. And I hope you stop in and see us from time to time.
K.
OH my... I have not logged
OH my... I have not logged on in a few days. I am heart broken reading your posts. I am truly sorry for your loss, and you will be in my prayers. Be comforted in knowing that your wife loved you! I recall her posts, and I know that she wanted what was best for you, and your kids. What a wonderful soul she was. Keep her spirit alive, and keep up posted on how you and the kids are holding up. God Bless, and take care!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~