Honest Opinions?
How would you feel if your SO decided to spend an extra evening a week with his/her kid(s) doing an activity you can not participate in?
(I'll give more info on this later but I'm wondering about the general feelings on this one)
- Thetis's blog
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Honest opinion? Wouldn't
Honest opinion? Wouldn't care. It would be one evening a week, I could spend just focusing on my own kid. No husband, no s/kid in the mix.
I can not say I would be
I can not say I would be happy at all. If he wanted to spend an extra day with my Stepchild then he would have to spend an extra alone day with each of our Bio children also. So he would not be home 4 days a week!!! I think a dad and all kids special event together a couple times a month would be great!!
Yea... see thats kinda how I
Yea... see thats kinda how I feel. But the way things are going, he's not going to have time for me and our child. He works an extra day on the weekend when we don't have SD, and helicopter parents the weekends we do. (He has been getting slowly better)
well i think it would depend
well i think it would depend on why you cant participate
for example if its because of bm or something like that, then i would not like it at all and i would strongly suggest that dh not participate, for reasons being skids see they can separate us.
if its something gender related, or you are working when activity is taking place i would say it wouldnt bother me, for example, if ss was a boy scout and dh helped and it was a boys activity, i wouldnt care, just as dh shouldnt mind if bd and i did girl scout stuff together
I'm allergic to the chlorine
I'm allergic to the chlorine they use in the swimming pool and he's going to be taking her swimming then out for dinner. Plus in my preggo state my bathing suits dont fit and I have been saving to buy something nicer for the summer. (With a suit I could at least sit in the hot tub.)
This wouldn't really bother
This wouldn't really bother me. I'd find something fun to do myself and enjoy the peace!
On a side note - I don't think you're supposed to sit in the hot tub when you're preggo. Check with your doc before you do this.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
hahaha You're soo right...
hahaha You're soo right... slipped my mind...
Pregnancy brain lapse? I am
Pregnancy brain lapse? I am so jealous.
I just read one of your other responses. If dh never had time for me and then scheduled more time with Creature, I would be upset.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Well its weird because the
Well its weird because the lawyer told him to try to get more time with Sd, and if that was the case I'd understand completely. But he says he does not want to go back to court and that is NOT why he is doing this.
So I'm supposed to sit at home wondering how long this is going to last. It killed him when we lost the trial and I don't think it would be good for anyone involved if he has to go through that same type of pain again. Bm will probably move again in the summer time (it has been her trend for the last two years) and then he will lose his daughter again and have to deal with that pain so close to my delivery date.
i would be bothered too, if
i would be bothered too, if i felt skid was getting more time with dh than our own kids.....it should be fair. also, why does he have to take her out for dinner? why cant he bring her home after wards and pick up a pizza or something so that all of you can have dinner together
Very true SS - I didn't look
Very true SS - I didn't look at it that way
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“Got Boundaries?” ~BitchBitchBarbie~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmbz8LpQry0
also, don't public hot tubs
also, don't public hot tubs use chlorine as well?
I think its either the hot
I think its either the hot tub or the baby pool at our Rec Centre that uses salt
Salt and not chlorine? Are
Salt and not chlorine? Are you talking about an ocean/ body of free flowing water(s)? I'm confused.
Gawd I hope so.
Gawd I hope so.
You could just go in the
You could just go in the buff. (some guys love prego women) I'm pretty sure that you do not want salt entering your vaginal area while pregnant either. Sea salt, yes...Chlorine comes out of your tap water, fyi.
Not in my town. We don't
Not in my town. We don't have anything like that in our water, but places as close as a 15min drive do. (I know this is going to make me sound dumb but I live in a tiny town in northern BC, canada.)
You mean time to be alone
You mean time to be alone with myself??? Woo hoo?? Where can I sign up?? LOL
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“Got Boundaries?” ~BitchBitchBarbie~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmbz8LpQry0
Thats how I'm trying to look
Thats how I'm trying to look at it. Maybe I can start going to the library while he's swimming, since they're in the same building. I just still have that resentment/jealousy issue where I don't get a date night because he's too busy, so why does he have the time for this?
I guess we'll just see how things go. I need to get out more.
Thetis I can't remember if
Thetis I can't remember if you said that you had talk to him about this yet? Does he know how you feel?
I think it's very important for couples to have a date night, atleast once a week, or even every two weeks..no matter how long you've been together. It gives you something to look forward to, and keeps you guys connected. He needs to set some time out just for you.
______________________________________
“Got Boundaries?” ~BitchBitchBarbie~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmbz8LpQry0
I told him that I will be
I told him that I will be fine with this idea when he designates a day for us. Date Day! But he says that it is unfair of me to want more of his time just because he wants to spend more with SD. He's very overwhelmed right now and does not feel like he has any time to himself after family time and work. I just wish if that is how he feels that he would stop this crazy habit of taking on more responsibilities.
Just because he is
Just because he is overwhelmed doesn't mean you should be put on the back burner. He needs to prioritize and make you a priority too. It is fair of you to expect time with him if he has free time for sd, then he made that happen because it was important to him. It is fair for you to expect that for you and your kid too.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
But you are projecting that
But you are projecting that he won't have time for you and your child (child's not here yet, right?). Why don't you give him a chance to see if he makes the right choice on his own once the baby arrives? He might surprise you.
I wish I could help here...
I wish I could help here... we do everything as a family. There are occassional times when my girls and I go do "girl things" and the boys do "boy things"... but other than that, it is a family. Every day of the week.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
See this is another thing
See this is another thing that kinda of bothers me. Dh is constantly at me because we don't do "family" things, but then he plans activities that he knows I will not be able to participate in. I think this is just easier for him because he doesn't have the attention span to pay attention to more then one thing at once, but why can't we find a family activity for those days? Maybe movies and a pizza, or a picnic (when the weather is better) or a trip to the museum (which has a super cool section for younger kids where they can play with replicas of forest industry equipment). There are alot of things that we could do together, considering the fact that he has stepped up and spends more time with her now on his weekends.
that would really bother me.
that would really bother me. family things are not the same as one on one time with you! if he can make time for sd, then he can make time for you. why is she more important? why does she get that but you cant? thats how i would ask my dh if this were our situation. id back him in a corner and make him see just how unfair he was being. why is time with her more important than time with you? if baby is coming along soon, then one on one time is going to get far and few im assuming, and he needs to really prioritize.....maybe you can write down his schedule and the things he usually spends time on. see how much time he actually is spending with you and sd, together and individually....then maybe you can show him so he can visually see how he is prioritizing things.
Ooooh a project!!! Thats a
Ooooh a project!!! Thats a great idea! I love trying to do things like that to get a different perspective on things. My councillor laughs at me but she hasn't told me if its a bad thing or not yet so I'm totally going to do this!!
yeah, i need to take my own
yeah, i need to take my own advise too....i need to find a way to evaluate things before i nag my husband to death because he usually is able to show me im over reacting....but to my defense i have a tumor bigger than a golf ball on my thyroid and its making me a bit nuts
We do everything as a family
We do everything as a family as well. I told DH if he wants me to treat SD like she was my own, he needs to treat "us" as a whole as if we were a nuclear family. Don't guilt on time just because she isn't here everyday. We try to have as normal a routine as we can, just like a nuclear family would. My parents didn't try to do the whole "individual time" thing. They were together, so there they felt no need to "make up" for anything to us.
We do have SD 50/50, and that might make a difference. But still. I would be against it because right now she (my SD) is at a place where she needs to know her role in this family, and she would see Daddy taking time out JUST FOR HER as her somehow being more important than me. At this critical stage where we are right now, we can't have that.
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
It depends. What is the
It depends. What is the relationship with the skids like? I know for my own sanity and the needs of my DH and his daughter, I let them spend a ton of time alone together. It doesn't bother me unless it is something that they specifically want to exclude me from, then my feelings get hurt. I also can't stand it when I come home and the SD is there and I say hi and ask how its going and they act like I am not even there. That really hurts and makes me angry.
You have every right to feel however you feel about it. Just because some other people may not get upset or hurt over something like that doesn't mean that you are not justified in your feelings. We are not in your situation and don't have the relationship that you have with your SO. It would be completely unfair to tell you that you can't feel one way or the other.
Thank you for your pov on
Thank you for your pov on this!!! I'm just trying to get ideas from other people and maybe a reality check. It obviously upsets me or it wouldn't be on this site, but I want to know how other people feel about this because I have a tendacy to over think things into negativity. I want my Dh to have a good relationship with his daughter but I cant help feeling left out, and I still have not go over grieving what I feel like is my loss of her due to the trial.
My DH used to spend one
My DH used to spend one night a wk with just SD. It was my suggestion but I had to really convince him to do it. It lasted for about 1 yr. but has since stopped. He felt that SD was there it visit all of us--him, me, and BSs. I thought otherwise.....
Anyway. it worked out pretty well for us (me and BSs!)
I really don't see what the problem with it all is. It is just one night, gets them out of the house.....lots of benefits.
I wouldn't care as long as
I wouldn't care as long as BM or BM's family wasn't also spending time with them. And only if it is only one night per week.
lol these "one night a
lol these "one night a week"s are adding up though. I need to get out more, I miss my wine....
Personally I would LOVE it!!
Personally I would LOVE it!! An evening to myself.....I could do that.
You know Thetis when I was
You know Thetis when I was pregnant with my DD's (sorry to say 30+ years ago). The doctor actually told me to drink one or two glasses of wine in the evening to "help me relax". I don't think I did drink wine everynight back then, but I do remember drinking wine,although not to the point of intoxication, while pregnant. I had trouble free pregnancies and my DD's were both very healthy babies. Not going to say for sure that was because of the wine though!
In regards to your blog, it
In regards to your blog, it would bother me to some degree, but what I would do is " Have a little me time".
If your SO wants time to his children without you, then you have some time without him and his children. Pedicure/manicure/hotbath and some music/ night out with some friends.
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore
I told my DH that for now
I told my DH that for now till Aeternity MWC only would play a part in XXX activities with lots of pot and that I wanted a weekly visit to our local Hookah Hut.
So far he seems to be on board.
(I just can't adapt to the board games and spongebob shows.)
if u are upset about it than
if u are upset about it than there is a reason.. cause if it was something that gave you some freetime or was what the lawyer said to do or whatever you would be OK. But u r not so.. it must not be right. Even if it was not your idea of great but u knew it was a good thing you would be fine with it eventually.
I believe if u follow this rule all will work out....
GOD
MARRIAGE
CHILDREN
In that order step or not.-IAMTHEMOM