I surrender to this fate. There's nothing to do about it anyway. It's the only choice I have- acceptance.

I am not going to the job fair next week, as I looked at it more closely and it is in fact a bunch of recruiters, military included (which will trigger me I'm sure) looking to train and asking for money for their services. None of the jobs were local that each co had on their own individual websites either.

So...

I am going back to a low earning medical practice search. There are benefits to that profession, including medical, as well as great job security and there are always positions available.

My daughter's Dr is in a practice I worked for over 12 years ago. When I asked her how to help BD4 through this the Dr told me to let her know if there's anything else she could do. I said, "yeah, let me know if anyone you know is hiring." She told me to fill out an application there, though she didn't know if they were hiring.

This Dr lost her H 2 Christmases ago when he passed out in the snow and froze to death. She knows grief. It meant a lot that she didn't bat an eye on suggesting I apply. She wasn't in the practice when I worked there, but she must sense I'm a good person.

I took the app and it's been in my bin ever since.

I didn't want to go backward...

However, perhaps so much is changing right now, that somewhere familiar that won't require so much training would be a relief and less stress than somewhere new. I didn't work there at all in relation to my time married to my H, so it's not anything I relate to him. I don't think he's ever even gone to a visit for BD there, but I can't recall. Maybe one.

My cousin works there, and we only worked there at the same time for a few weeks, she took the position I left at the time.

Everyone else, besides the Drs are different staff. Familiar b/c my kids are patients there. But new in that other than my cousin they don't know me as a married mom. So single mom will be it.

I don't really want to go back to the ophthalmology practice b/c it is relative to my marriage. I left there to get married and some of them were at my wedding.

It's also a more stressful job, than the front office job at the Drs office is.

So....
I'm applying on Mon. Don't know if there's a job there to be had, but maybe they will be looking for summer help at least to cover vacations, etc.

Once I have a job I think I will feel better, more productive, have something else to focus on and spend energy doing.

Then I can think about moving forward in other ways that I can't without that first step.