BS14 Hears BM Having Sex

My BS14 spends every other weekend with the BM. The last few times he has been with her he has come home quite upset. When I asked him what’s wrong he tells me that at night when everyone has gone to bed but he is still watching TV (which is right outside BM bedroom) he is hearing his mother going for it with her partner. SS14 has told his mother that he can hear them and he thinks it’s disgusting but to his surprise her response was turn the TV up louder then or go to bed. If I want to make noise while having sex I will. :jawdrop: Now BS14 doesn’t want to go and see her anymore because of it.
Should I say something to BM or leave it?

It’s times like this when I really miss Dani. She would’ve known what to say.

KGB
Formally known as Dani - RIP Baby Girl

KeepsGettingBetter's blog
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(((HUGS)))

(((HUGS))) KeepsGettingBetter. I've been praying for you & your family.

I do think you should talk to BM about it. You could say, in a calm, civil tone, "BM, BS says that he has heard you having sex while he is at your home, and he has tried to talk to you about it. It makes him very uncomfortable, and in the interest of his comfort, he'd really appreciate it if you would not be so loud."

Thanks Anon. It's a very hard

Thanks Anon. It's a very hard subject to bring up with someone you had an unfulling sex life with to begin with.

KGB
Formally known as Dani - RIP Baby Girl

You're welcome. I am here for

You're welcome. I am here for you!

Perhaps you could type this out in an email to BM. That way, you can really think about what you want to say before you send it. Feel free to post the final copy here so we can give you advice and help you tweak it if necessary before you send it off.

But most of all, please remember that we at ST are here for you and your family!

Thank so much Anon, I'm

Thank so much Anon, I'm starting to now see why Dani loved this site so much.

I think the email is a great idea, at least it would save the embrassing conversation with her.
I'll draft up something and see what you guys think I should add and take out. Having a bit of a sad day today so I may do it tomorrow.

Thanks agains.

KGB
Formally known as Dani - RIP Baby Girl

great idea Anon...email..yep.

great idea Anon...email..yep. That'd be the way I'd go, don't have to see them face to face or be uncomfortable or embarassed.

You're so smart.

It happened to me. Sd 16

It happened to me. Sd 16 lives with us and she used to go to bad 11 o`clock. Now she tried to be as quiet as she can and was watching a movie til 1 o`clock in the night. We thought she was sleeping and we were not that loud. Next morning she said she heard us. I was so embarassed.... I said I was sorry

When my OH first moved in &

When my OH first moved in & we started having SS(then 9) overnight I was so paranoid that he got no nookie those weekends! Even now it's rare (and incredibly quiet as our bedroom is next to SS10's) as to be honest we live with each other, so have the other 26 days of the month when we know we're alone!

I agree that an email might be the way to go, as it would be soooo embarassing to have to talk it through for both of you - can I suggest a placatory sentance suggesting you're only mentioning it because you're worried about her relationship with your BS? That way you're not being directly accusatory, but more "BS is 14 now, which is a difficult age for all kids, and he's getting to the age where we can't make him do stuff"

Good luck!

Maybe just tell her that her

Maybe just tell her that her son doesn't want to spend the weekends any longer, I am sure she will ask why, you can then simply state He is uncomfortable listening to you through the walls. If her son is important to her, she will hopefully be respectful of him when he is there, if not...then maybe he is better off with you.

That would be an uncomfortable situation for sure, sorry.

I think Dad should talk to

I think Dad should talk to her about it- because it is inappropriate now that she's aware he can hear her. And you and Dad should also talk to kiddo, while mom was unnecessarily crass, she was right- he can remove himself from an uncomfortable situation. This is a lesson everyone needs to learn in life at some point- the world and everyone in it are not there to accommodate my comfort/feelings- I am the only one who can ensure that.

or....you could send her a ball gag from a secret admirer (ok don't do that- but it would be hilarious wouldn't it....)

pssst...Gestalt, KGB is the

pssst...Gestalt,

KGB is the Dad.. He is trying to figure how to handle this for his son...

and the ball gag would be freaking hysterical...lol

Sorry about that!!! sheesh, 2

Sorry about that!!! sheesh, 2 days in a row I say something idiotic LOL

I walked in on my parents

I walked in on my parents several times during my older child and teen years. That is life. A child should be aware that their parent(s)have healthy caring affectionate relationships.

However, "to his surprise her response was turn the TV up louder then or go to bed. If I want to make noise while having sex I will" is not an appropriate response to your BS-14 expressing his feelings about her passionate vocalizations.

I think a reconfiguration of hte TV room at BMs house is in order to minimize the issue.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

Or even a tv in kiddo's romm

Or even a tv in kiddo's romm maybe...

Thanks for all of your input.

Thanks for all of your input. I was actually drafting up an email to BM last night when she called BS14 on the mobile. I told BS to tell his mother that he didn't want to go to her house this weekend because of what he heard the last time he was there. BM apparently apologised to BS and said she didn't realise how much it bothered him. I was very pround of BS when he then said to his mother, I know that's how I came in the world mum, but I don't want to hear it, just like you don't want to hear my brothers scream when I'm playing with them, I don't want to hear you scream when you and fiance are playing. BM said she understands and it wont happen again.

So I didn't need to say anything after all , thank God, I was absolutly dreading it :sick: .