DH Called Bio-Daughter (14) A Dumbass To Her Face And In Front Of Her Friends (HELP)
My bio-daughter was at home alone with DH as she is out of school and he had the day off. Two of her friends came over to walk to the pool with her. They were standing in the living room while DH was at the computer when my daughter told her friends to go on and she would catch up. Her friends said they would wait for her and DH then turned to her friends and said, "Dont wait for her, Id leave her dumbass here."
Im at work when my daughter and her friends call to tell me this and Im so pissed that I want to tell DH to get out! Any advice before I blow up???
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Something more had to have
Something more had to have happened. Why did SD tell her friends to go on and she'd catch up? What happened before your DH called her a dumb ass?
or was it said in jest? It
or was it said in jest? It may not be the most appropriate thing to say, but maybe it was meant in a joking manner...That's something my brother has called me but when we were joking with each other...
I agree. I can't see someone
I agree. I can't see someone saying that in a harsh manner out of no where.
It hits a nerve with me though because SS will tell DH something like this and forget to tell DH what happened before I said whatever he thought was too harsh.
yes, I know what you mean, my
yes, I know what you mean, my son has done that same thing to my DH..."mom..SF said to me XYZ" then turns out they were being silly and joking and my son was playing the guilt card...
She said that they were
She said that they were getting ready to leave and walking towards the door when DH called her back and said he needed to ask her something so she just told them to go on.
Something just doesn't sound
Something just doesn't sound right. Did you ask DH what happened?
it doesn't sound like he was
it doesn't sound like he was trying to be mean, maybe just explain that even though he meant it joking, to please not use that term.
It'd be a different scenario if he said something like "your just a stupid dumbass" or "get your dumbass over here now!" then I'd say take the gloves off..I think this sounds like a matter of perception...
I would get the whole story
I would get the whole story first from your DH and then hear your daughter's side. I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Is this the first time he ever talked to her this way? If so then something must have happened for him to say that. Hear both sides that's all.
DH wont answer my calls...he
DH wont answer my calls...he has never called her a dumbass to her face but they argue all the time. Im really trying not to be pissed off but my daughter has never called and complained about DH, she was crying also.
she was probably
she was probably embarassed..understandably. Try to take a deep breath and find out the whole scenario before you string him up by his toenails...if he deserves it that's different, but find out first.
funny how the "mama bear" comes out in us with our kids when we think they've been hurt or threatened.
One question comes to mind.
One question comes to mind. Was he yelling at her, or talking to her?
Regardless of what happened, he shouldn't have called her that. I've been the skid being called derogatory names before. I think he owes both of you an apology and an explanation.
Thanks for the advice guys.
Thanks for the advice guys. I guess its hard to tell without knowing DH and my daughter. He does not call her names but he tends to try and push her buttons on purpose. My daughter has NEVER called me like this before and is generally pretty easy going. I beleive that he did this its just a matter of how to deal with it.
Crystal, we as steps know
Crystal, we as steps know what it is liked to be blamed for something that we didn't do or say or what we said was taken out of context and blown way out of proportion.
That being said, I also know what it is like to be verbally abused. My mother called me names throughout my childhood and it took a lot of work for me to repair the damage. So - IMO - name calling is as bad as hitting a child.
But you owe it to DH to find out the whole story. You are not going to be able to solve this at work. I would suggest that your daughter go to a friend's home so that both DH and daughter can cool down. Then get the whole story when you go home.
Thanks, Glynne. As a SM to
Thanks, Glynne. As a SM to DH's two daughters I also know what its like to be a step and I know that I would NEVER call either of his children, or my own for that matter ANYTHING derogatory. I will get DH's side of the story when I get home though Im willing to bet the reason he isnt answering my phone calls for several hours is because he knows he f**ked up. I will update tomorrow! Thanks again everyone!
My husband also won't answer
My husband also won't answer the phone when he knows he has screwed up. It's as if he thinks if he ignores me I will go away, but in reality I just go green eyed monster on him instead.
I agree with other posters that name calling is a HUGE no-no. My mom called me and my brother (more my brother because I was the favorite) names growing up. I know it definitely effected both of us negatively.
DEFINITELY talk to DH before
DEFINITELY talk to DH before getting upset, and try to calm down before doing so. Being a step-parent is really hard.