Is it worth it? I don't know?
I am a widow dating a divorced man who has two teenagers. He has 50/50 custody with his ex. His EX has made it a point to make the kids dislike me. Fortunately my boyfriend sees this. I am a good person and have tried to read/research on how to get along with his children as he has also. I, myself, have kids with only one under the age of 18yrs. The rest are grown and in college. My kids accept him in my life. They see we are good together and love one another. His family all like me and also accepts me. The only ones that do not are his two kids. Sometimes I feel sure of this relationship of over a year and then some drama happens with his EX or his kids and I want to give up and run away (not because he takes his ex side). I am just not sure I want so much drama in my life or have to deal with the attitudes of his kids. Is it worth all this? I don't know? He is good to me and my kids. He feels relaxed, happy and appreciated in my house. He helps me with things around my house and teaches me how to fix things (because I ask him to teach me otherwise he would fix it). His mother said she has not seen him so happy since his college years. BUT the kids will always be there (and I do not expect them not to be) and his EX will always try to cause problems. It's all so much. I am tensed and stressed when his kids are around me. They always through their mother at me. Example: "Dad mom liked you having a bear and mustache." I have been patient but losing it. Help?
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Maybe stay with him but stay
Maybe stay with him but stay in your own home. As the kids get to know you better they'll come around, and if not, they're teenagers so you really only have a few years to wait anyway. Tough situation. As he realizes what's happening he'll talk to them and let them know their attitudes and comments and actions are keeping him from someone he loves and he create the changes you need to see.
You're in a tough place and
You're in a tough place and as Steve pointed out, at least you do have an idea of what you're getting into more so than a few of us STer's who got ourselves in too deep by being so naive!
My DH's two daughters (19 & 23) have never liked me, nor tried to get along with me in the 3+ yrs we've been together. Unfortunately I can't blame it on the BM because she's rarely in the picture but it's still not easy to deal with even if you have your DH & his other family member's support. In my situation, no matter how hard I try, I'll never have a place in their lives let alone their hearts and this really hurts. I'm a sensitive person so I may be taking this harder than some; as much as I love my DH, I can't honestly say I'd do this all over again because of the kids. Sometimes the heartache just isn't worth it. That said, if you can grow a thick skin and if the kids attitude towards you really doesn't matter one way or another to YOU, then by all means go for it.
Thank you "I am confused".
Thank you "I am confused". He has talked to the girls and we have been having dinner together once a week at his home so they are comfortable in their own home. He has told them I make him happy and we love each other. He has told them he loves them and they will always be in his life. Unfortunately his EX makes things difficult. She talks badly about me and his kids are faithful to their mother (understandable). His EX has an older daughter (in her twnties who he raised) who has accepted me and will not communiate with her mom till she learns to be one (ouch). But she is older and sees things differently and knows why her parents divorced.
My thoughts have been heading in the same direction you mention. I feel our relationship will not progress till his kids are adults. I am not getting younger and I would love to share a life, friendship and so on with this man. BUT, I do not want to end up like some who wait and then it never happens. It ends after years. We shall see how things work out.
Thank you all for the advice. It has helped me know I am not as crazy as I thought I was. LOL
This is all so much.
JMC I am aware of the
JMC I am aware of the situation and it's overwhelming. That is why I am researching and on this site. The more I learn the more I am able to make a final decision. My kids and I have been thru a difficult period when my soul mate (their father) died. I just don't want my kids affected my all this drama. So far, my boyfriend and I have kept it from entering my house. His EX does not know where I live. The good thing is we see each other every other week and he looks forward to our time together. I do not change my routine for him and he doesn't change his when we are together. We just are good together and there is no drama at my home. Because we are great with each other is what makes me hesitate calling it off completely. We have tried but we miss each others company. He comes to my family functions as I do with his. Both sides of the family are having a wedding and invitations are made out to both of us. Hopefully his EX will find someone and be happy. I could only pray.
i feel bad saying this but i
i feel bad saying this but i think if you are not entirely in love with this man you might want to run. it doesn't sound like it will be an easy situation for you. at the very least, perhaps you can cool it down until you are sure about what you want? I certainly would not move in.
i believe that my DH is my soul mate, and I think that feeling is necessary and essential to my ability to cope with the stress of stepparenting. for anything less, i really don't know that it is worth it.
Like your BF, my BF is a good
Like your BF, my BF is a good person and is good to me, which has made it very hard to leave, but the other stuff with BM and SD have outweighed the good, even though there is a lot of good.
How long have you been together? Like the other posters...don't move in with him. We moved in together and it ruined what we had.
You say his kids are teens...maybe you can live separately and stay together until the kids are grown? Are they close to leaving for college?
I have been with this man
I have been with this man over a year. We currently live 30 minutes away. We have been discussing it and we are putting things on hold. He knows that I will not move in with him until he gets his drama under control. He understands and agrees. We both know his kids and EX are the issue. We did not meet each others kids till five months into the relationship. He is trying to do a lot of communication with his kids. He has now kept all communication with his EX thru emais and texting. Every time they speak on the phone or in person she yells or threatens him. When she seems to be chaning and is "nice" there is always a motive behind the "nice". He has set rules down in regards to picking the girls up and other issues. Unless it's a 911 or medical emergancy he told her to stop calling him. If she calls he lets it go to voice mail and then textes her if it's important. Usually she calls demanding things and issueing orders. She at one point wanted to hang out at his house and felt she had a every right to walk in and make use of his home (a house she never lived in or has any claim to). All this after she found out he had me in his life (even thought she already was and I repeat was living with her boyfriend). He is a good dad and she does not realize how good she has it. He could be an absent parent or a difficult one but isn't, more the oppisite. They will probably not enter a college.
I will definitly not move in. I believe that is best after reading all the comments. Thank you for all the advice, opinions and comments. I just wish I knew where this relationship will end up.