Oops he did it again
The drama continues and so does my rant. So about a week ago ss22 tells me to f*ck off and he gets kicked out of my home. Less than 72 hrs later he texts his father that he needs $350 to move into an apartment something he was supposed to have done 2 months ago. So DH genius that he is gives SS the money with the condition that SS shows up and signs a payment agreement as he already defaulted on two previous ones. What do you think happened? That's right ss never showed! DH rants and raves all weekend that SS is dishonest and he is a liar. No arguments from me on that but for the sake of the shadow he was asking for it. To demonstrate how stupid DH is and how he is so in denial, he gave ss the money first as it was an "emergency" to sign the lease and agreed for SS to return after signing the lease to sign the payment agreement. Flipping dumb right? But he still holds unto the fact that he has a verbal agreement from SS to be paid back by Thursday. Thursday comes and what do you think happened? That's right SS never paid him back and has all kinds of stories how he is getting a second paycheck next week.... yadi yada... Now DH wants to feed me all kinds of BS how his son was trying to pay us back but was busy on Thursday, he has to leave for the weekend on Friday, the dog ate his homework etc so he can't pay us back until next week.
I am so f*ing tired of dealing with this continuous drama around SS. He is feeding DH bsh*t, DH is swallowing it dutifully and expects me to eat it too. Won't happen! Why does DH expects me to be as blind, stupid and disfunctional as he is? I just want his dishonest, mooching liar of a son out of my life for good. Why does he have to continuously excuse his despicable behavior. That young man has absolutely no integrity at all. Who would be willing to employ or coexist with a person like that?
To add to the drama, SS comes over to the house yesterday to "pick up his belongings". DH faciltiates the whole thing of course. Note SS was too busy to drop off his payment or sign the agreement but not too busy to pick up his crap. It was late in the evening and I did not want an argument so I try to be get along, went downstairs to my office to work so I don't have to interact with SS. 15 minutes later I walk upstairs to grab something and what do my eyes see SS is getting cozy on my couch smoking POT and having a grand old time. I almost lost it, told DH to get this piece of work out of my house NOW. He goes into the room ask SS "are you done packing buddy?" then proceeds to tell me to chill out. OMG I am getting ready to divorce this idiot.
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Comments
Pretty simple. Tell him to
Pretty simple. Tell him to get out or you're calling the cops to tell then that he's smoking pot and you don't want illegal shit going on in your home.
Now that he's out change the locks, tell DH that SS is no longer welcomed and if he is you're leaving, and make the kid take care of himself.
man I have no idea how you have put up with this shit this long. You're either a saint or a nut... or a nutty saint.
Hang in there! I'm rooting for you.
You are right, probably a nut
You are right, probably a nut for putting up with this. The problem really is DH. We have changed the locks before BUT daddy starts feeling sorry for SS right about on day two and proceeds to manupulate me to try to pave the way for his son's return into our home. I am not sure I can deal with this on the long run.
Then you have to do this
Then you have to do this (keep in mind I set down some parameters and said "no more" and they recently cost me my relationship so BE SURE it's worth it to you): Tell him, "I'm done with SS22 until and unless he gets his shit together to my satisfaction, and I WILL DETERMINE when that will be, and if he's back in this house smoking dope, or staying overnight, or cursing at me, I will leave and I won't come back."
And if it happens you HAVE to leave or else your demands mean nothing and they will both walk all over you until the end of time. I finally put my foot down and she basically told me to screw off and we're done. So be prepared.
If and when she decides to respect me and comes back I'll change my tune. And if your husband says he'll change his tune or if SS22 gets his shit together, give him a chance, but if not stay gone or you will be setting precedent that you can be shit on, and that's never good.
Sooner or later the bullshit outweighs the love and that's what happened to me. Everyone has their own point and only you know yours.
Good point. He could have
Good point. He could have given that $20 to his dad and said "I'm sorry man this is all I have but I am working on it."
Instead he took the loser way out and bought some doobie.
didn't catch that...
Wow , I give you a thumbs up
:jawdrop: Wow , I give you a thumbs up for not loosing it. Hope it all works out for you.
No doubt, when you raise your
No doubt, when you raise your kids responsibly they learn integrity. I loved your last sentence but on second thought don't tempt him we had enough smoking in our house already.
while I thankfully have not
while I thankfully have not had to deal with the pot smoking I'm right there with thinking of leaving DH because of the kids - how wrong is that?? when it's DH and I were perfect - i get so pissed and completely not myself when skids are there it's amazing. even to myself!!
Wow. Your DH is so far into
Wow. Your DH is so far into denial it's unreal. Just wow.
I am so confused about this
I am so confused about this too. He is a super intelligent person yet at the same time he is a fool. We have tried therapy but it does not work. When we are in therapy his common sense takes over and he appears to see things clearly, but when its time for him to put it into practice he just can't do it.
Yep our therapist did call
Yep our therapist did call him on guilt parenting and DH agrees, he agrees that it is wrong, it does not work, and agrees he needs to change. It's like he has multiple personalities, when we ar in therapy or talk between us, he knows and agrees, but the moment he interacts with his son the guilt takes over. I also have to add that SS is a MASTER manipulator. Oh he knows so well how to pump daddy, mommy, grandmother, uncle. He is very talented at figuring people out and using their weekness to his advantage.
No balls syndrome.
No balls syndrome.
Too bad he came and got his
Too bad he came and got his stuff. I would have sold it.
Thanks for everyone sharing
Thanks for everyone sharing their thoughts. Just came back from riding and all is well in my world now. OK at least temporarily. Honestly if it wasn't for those 2 hours spent with my horse I think I would be institutionalized.
I'd kick both husband and
I'd kick both husband and stepson out if either of them were smoking anything in MY house. Your husband needs a swift kick in the butt if he thinks his son's behavior is acceptable and by not doing anything he's letting ss know ss can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I wouldn't live like that. I'd pick the phone up and have the police pick up the unwanted guest who is refusing to leave while doing drugs in my house.
True. Let's be clear, if the
True. Let's be clear, if the kid can say "f^%& you" to SM and smoke DOPE in the house, what the hell can't he do? I guess he can steal from either of them, burn down the house, and punch SM in the mouth. Clearly DH sets NO BOUNDARIES AT ALL.
At this point you can't even blame the kid. It's the life to which he's become accustomed. Smoke a little grass, eat all the food, screw the GF in Dad's house, bum money, curse out the stepmom... Good grief... He's gonna shit himself if he ever has ANY RULES of any kind.
He's gonna end up in prison at this rate. Then you won't have a problem at all...
I am so with you on nipping
I am so with you on nipping it in the bud, just don't know how. When I throw a fit I am deemed unreasonable and unfit to talk to, when I am calm we agree on rules and consequences but DH simply just can not and will not enforce them. It's like he is paralized by fear of losing his son or that his son can not do without him. If you read my earlier blogs he even comes up with outrageous claims that if we are too "harsh" with sonny boy he may commit suicide. Are your freakin kidding me? Why the *#$% would he commit suicide, and what idiot comes up with a claim like that? SS never showed any suicidal tendencies, no prior history nothing. As a matter of fact that loser is quite content with life as is, having the entire family wrapped around his fingers and catering to him. Sometimes I wonder if DH is sane.
I think one thing you need to
I think one thing you need to do is scare the shit out of him about what he's doing to his kid. Do it calmly, and rationally, but let him know in no uncertain terms that HE is ruining his kid's life, and sadly it may be too late. The kid is old enough to live on his own now and doesn't HAVE to listen to daddy, and he may be too far gone.
When a person has no boundaries and no rules by which they have to live, inevitably bad things happen. This kid won't be able to handle being told what to do by a boss, so he won't be able to hold a decent job. He won't be on time or care to perform, so he won't even be able to work for himself (like doing landscape work or whatever) because no customer will tolerate the shit his Dad did.
His Dad may be afraid of pissing off his kid and losing him for however long he does, but what he should be afraid of is destroying his son's life, which is EXACTLY what he's doing. His #1 job as a parent is to raise a self-confident, independent, adult who can stand on his own two feet and one day have his own kids and do the same for them. As it stands your DH may be succeeding in keeping his kid around him, but he's failing miserably as a parent.
Time for you to take the reins.
He'd probably be too high to
He'd probably be too high to commit suicide anyway. Pot is just one of those things that makes you too lazy to do ANYTHING, much less put together enough coherent thoughts to complete a complex task like suicide.