Counselling session was last night.
It did not go well. I'll try to keep this as short as possible.
We pulled into the parking lot, BM and SD pulled in behind us. They did not look at us, they went right in. BM came back out without SD and went to DH's window. This is the conversation:
BM "she'll wait out here!"
DH "no, she's coming with me"
BM "it's none of her f'n business!"
DH "yes, it is, she's my wife and we have no secrets"
BM to me "it's because of you that we're here, we want to talk about you and if you're there we can't!".
Me "I think I have every right to defend myself against your lies"
BM to me "shut the f%^& up! I know all about you"
Me "You haven't even been in our house, you don't know anything"
BM to DH "come on leave her outside"
DH "no, if she's not going then neither am I"
I must also add that she was screaming at the top of her lungs. I have a very high tolerance for bull sh1t (which comes in handy, lol) and I just calmly spoke to her. It made her look like a crazy person, I can still picture her standing in the parking lot screaming :O
So, we went in and SD never even said hi to DH. She never even gave him a fathers day card this year. When it was time for the appointment BM turned her back on me and said "this is SD's father" the counsellor asked if we were all going in together and BM said "She's not!" so DH and I left. Not very productive for SD but we did accomplish one important thing. We showed SD and BM that we are a team and that when they try to create drama DH and I will stick together. Maybe TMI but we came home and had a great time, lol. I'm so glad that DH sees them the same way I do and that he agrees we need to put our marriage first.
So, it does bother me that SD will probably not be coming this weekend or if she does she'll be angry, screaming and breaking stuff. I think it's almost time for her to stop coming, perhaps dh and her can go for dinner once a week or something but if I'm as bad as they say wouldn't BM want to keep her away?
I made a counselling appointment with our marriage counsellor so we can get his advice on this. It's not working very well the way it is. BM bad mouthing us all week and then SD coming with her attitude, we need help.
***update***
Yeah, she's not coming this weekend. She thinks this is some form of punishment for us :?
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Comments
I think that, as far as SD's
I think that, as far as SD's counselor goes, you guys should make appointments with her, just not with BM present. That way, the counselor can hear all sides of the story and not just BM's, and DH can talk to the counselor about how to help SD. Because if the counselor is only hearing from BM, that is not going to help DH or SD.
your bm sounds like a piece
your bm sounds like a piece of work.... more like a piece of shit....
what a zero productive session that was.....
very impressed with you keeping your cool and equally impressed with dh sticking with you and making that united front.. very good stuff!
good luck on sd & bm acting human!
I was very impressed with dh.
I was very impressed with dh. On the way into the building I said to him "I'm remaining calm although I'm very upset on the inside!" We were pretty sure she'd act like that so it's not like it was a surprise, oh and yes she is a piece of poo, good call!
Yes, I agree, the counsellor
Yes, I agree, the counsellor is hearing one side and it contains many lies. How does this help anyone? Our marriage counsellor actually works in the same building and I know he'll help us out with getting our side on the table. I think that if BM told the counsellor not to discuss SD with us then she won't make an appointment. BM can do that apparently as she has primary custody and DH is not listed anywhere as the father.
Yes, I thought so too. What
Yes, I thought so too. What father would stick with a wife that had supposedly done nasty things to his child. Wouldn't he have snuck off to the meeting without me? I think BM's behaviour probably showed through, I just don't know what we can do about it.
Ack, I'm glad I didn't have
Ack, I'm glad I didn't have to go through that. We had the opposite experience in that WE were the ones who put SD in counseling and WE were the ones who took her to the appointment. Both DH and I spoke to the counselor, and then the counselor wanted to speak with BM. That was it. No more sessions. BM refused to go and refused to allow SD to go either.
Good for you for keeping your cool, and good for DH for sticking by you!
Why does BM think that she
Why does BM think that she can't talk about you if you're in the room? Sounds like she has something to hide or will be lying. If there's nothing to hide or lie about, there should be no issue having you present. Beware of BM! I agree with the PP who stated that you and DH should schedule a session without the BM so the counselor can hear all sides of the story.