Best timing to tell skids I'm pregnant?
Maybe it sounds selfish or stupid...but I am dreading telling the skids that I'm pregnant because I don't want BM to know yet. The main reason right now is that our families don't know yet (including my dad and fiance's mom), and I don't want someone I can't stand to know about the happy news before my most loved ones do!
For that reason, we are not telling the skids yet. They are almost 3 and 5 and are very excited about me and DF getting married and have asked a few times when we will have a baby. I know they'll be excited. I'm thinking I will wait until I'm showing a little bit so that they might understand better (I am only 6 weeks now)? Right now I'm not sure they'll "get it" anyways (SD5 will but not SS3). I just don't want them running home to BM and telling her right away. I wish we could get them to keep a secret because I so want to share this with them! We are telling most of DF's family this weekend so I'm excited for that -- but it also puts us in a weird situation with the kids not knowing yet.
Should I just suck it up and let BM know? Or keep it quiet longer? I don't want BM drama to rain on my parade yet!
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Keep quiet longer. When we
Keep quiet longer. When we told my SS10 (who was 6 at the time) that I was pregnant with my first son, he told his mother immediately. The day before she found out, she called crying about how her boyfriend kicked her out of his house and called her a whore. When she did find out, she called up and congratulated us. Then all of a sudden, she and her boyfriend were fine and they seemed to be working on their relationship.
She ended up getting pregnant by her boyfriend (the one who tried to break up with her) about one month after finding out we were (I figured it out because I was 4 months pregnant when she found out and her son is 5 months younger than my son). Not only is that psychotic but it was very annoying.
Noble idea but completely
Noble idea but completely impossible! We see BM at drop offs and pick ups on a weekly basis and we have the kids half the time (4 days a week or 3 days a week) so it'd be impossible to hide!
fabumom, I'm expecting the
fabumom, I'm expecting the same reaction from BM if the skids tell her the news. I agree with you that she may react badly and say retaliatory things about the situation to the kids if they are the ones to tell her. I was actually just going to discuss with my fiance today how I think he should handle it. I think he should call her on the night that we are going to tell them, because I feel she can't be trusted to keep the secret from them if they're in her care. She'd go ahead and steal the glory of telling them.
I also want him to have a discussion with BM about how we want to make this a positive thing for the kids and make the changes in their life go as smooth as possible and get them excited about being big brother/big sister (again). I want him to tell her that he'd really appreciate her support with them so that they have an easier time accepting these new changes. I'm specifically thinking that she will start to baby SS3 and say, "poor you, you won't be the baby anymore...but you're always going to be MY baby..." and stuff like that, which will make it seem okay for SS3 to have bad feelings for the new baby. Where instead he could be excited about being a big brother!
This is awesome advice,
This is awesome advice, Fabumom.
I have a 6 month old. We did not tell the kids until I was 5 months along but that's because I was out of the country for months 4 & 5 and had no choice but to tell them when I got back.
DH told BM first, during month 5, when I wasn't around. He did this because she went bonkers when we got married without telling her and then proceeded to dig his eyes out for more CS. During month 5, he got a cut in salary, so he wanted to make it very clear to her that she cannot pull that same bullshit again just because we were pregnant. He asked her not to tell the kids and I believe she complied. Things were pretty good until we told the kids and they were all excited. After that, it went downhill a bit, possibly with the encouragement of BM, who insisted that since her kids came first, they needed to be put first always. DH managed to clear that up a bit, but jealousy still lingers on all sides.
Definitely make sure you tell YOUR loved ones before telling BM and the kids. Wait as long as you can (until showing) before telling BM and kids as well, because it's probably going to bring up all kinds of emotions for you and them to battle. Enjoy the current serenity.
I think that given their
I think that given their ages, there's not a need to rush to tell them, but I would let them know maybe a couple of months ahead of time so that they can start to prepare for the changes that will take place in your home. They need some time to adjust things in their minds before things just happen.
We successfully hid it for 6
We successfully hid it for 6 mths. I wanted to wait til after the holidays and the skids bday as the ex can be CRAZY..
So, I wore oversized clothes.. and for the most part they were not observant.. they were 10. I also stopped going to drop offs and pick ups so that the ex wouldnt see me, as most adults realized right away.
Anyway, a month after we told the skids (which = her knowing) she got pregnant, and told the skids to not tell us.. and they didnt. my MIL asked me if she was, as she thought she looked it..
CRAZY had a spite baby!! nice!
Good luck in whatever you decide, but the skids are the LAST people I would tell.. first it would be my family (as they can keep a secret) and then his family, right before the skids, then she can find out from the grapevine!!
CONGRATS!
Read my post in this blog. My
Read my post in this blog. My husband's ex also had a spite baby! I felt really weird knowing that kid (who will have a messed up life)is partly in this world because of me. Spite baby's are creepy and ackward! She also told my SS not to tell us. But when I found out and figured her due date, she conceived a month after finding out I was pregnant. Damn that was some quick spite baby making!