"You do it"
If you read at all my one other blog post then you know that I am curious to see what happens with my SD13 and her corn detassling job. I just suggested to DH that he call SD13 and ask her if she was happy, excited, and ready for tomorrow. He looked at me and said "You do it, your the one that cares". WTF!? I don't do it because she doesn't give to squirts about hearing from me...a call from him however would probably make her night. I waited about an hour and threw him the phone and said "Try to call SD4". Without even blinking he picked up the phone and dialed the number. He frustrates me so much. Really I just want to know if SD13's mom talked her out of starting the job tomorrow. For stubbornness sake though I am not going to call her in his place, I will just wait until Friday to find out for myself as it is our weekend and if she is not working she will want to be picked up and she will call me then.
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She wants to do it. I guess
She wants to do it. I guess she has wanted to for years and was excited this year when she turned 13 because she was finally old enough! She isn't afraid of the hard work and she wants to do it with her friends. She's a tough little thing. I was so glad that she was so psyched but it just doesn't seem like anyone except me really cares. I hope BM does and gets her there in the morning but the likelihood of it is really slim.
I'll get the info, I will
I'll get the info, I will just have to wait for it. I asked him to do it because I know she would have liked to hear from him. He usually pushes off dealing with his kids on me. My frustration toward my husbands lack of parenting desire is the reason why I joined this site primarily. Yes I want him to be a better dad and I push him to do so and always will. He wants me to, its one of the things he loves about me although not always I'm sure. He is the type of man that needs a boss. He is submissive. I am dominate. it works for us. He appreciates that I make him a better man and a better father even though he grumbles in the moment from time to time.
I understand that "not get
I understand that "not get overly involved in "raising" his kids. KEEP in mind and never forget, your not their parent !!!!" I really do understand and I would normally agree but it does not apply in my situation. My H and both of my SD's BM's consider me their other parent. I originally tried to be in the background and just be supportive to H...both BM's called me to the front. The BM's call me for scheduling, help, advice, assistance with parenting...H often times is in the background and he likes it that way. I am the one that goes with BM to conferences, dr's appointments, take them to school, work out parenting time schedules with BM and take care of the kids when they are with us. He gets to have a presence in his kids lives while I am the parent. It is our family dynamic and it is what works best. Please don't read into it that I am overly involved or that I am trying to take over raising his kids...I am not...it was never my intention...I was just excited about the fun stuff...but over time I was pulled kicking and screaming into the role and have found a comfortable nitch in it. I have no delusions...I was an awful step daughter to my SM and I know what could happen but I hope that with the support that I have from my BM's and with the appreciation I get from my H that the girls will not have that typical experience, or at least not to drastically, either and hopefully they wont turn on me to harshly. If they do I hope that my experiences as an evil SD helps get me through it as I feel I will be able to be more objective. All I can do is hope for the best and do my best, right?
After talking with you this
After talking with you this evening I can understand how you feel the way you do...and we will just have to agree that we have entirely different approaches and step family dynamics and leave it at that. I think there are all different types of SM's, BM's, and BF's and with the right mix of people types you can be a successful and influential SP and have a successful parenting team that includes all of you. It's what we attempt, even with its flaws, we arent the Brady Bunch by any means...but I like the dynamic we have and I dont mind having my kneck out. I know the risk and I find it worth it. Thank you though for the rec...I will obtain a copy of Stepmonster and read it with an open mind.
I think it's obvious that you
I think it's obvious that you haven't read it. I was going to respond to your earlier post that obviously we got vastly different things from "Stepmonster". Now I know why. Yes, there are times you need to disassociate, but there is nothing in the book that says you are not to be a parent to your SKids. I'm sorry that you've had a rough time with your Skids, but you need to be understanding that there are all types of situations and not all situations are the same as yours.
But it is different when you
But it is different when you do care. And the SKids care about you. We are a family at our house - they are not "HIS" kids, they are part of the family and I am one of the parents in this house. My guess is that it would be no different if it was the first marriage and you were both the bio-parents... He loves his kids but doesn't necessarily know how to "parent" them.
You are lucky that you have BM's that value you as a SM and parent to their children.
detassiling is a very hot,
detassiling is a very hot, sticky and yucky job to do, the corn cuts your skin and it pays very well in our area of the woods. I think that everyone should have to do that job at least once in their lives, just like checking people out in a grocery line, waiting tables, picking up other peoples garbage and oh cleaning out porta pots. These are all summer jobs that I had though out highschool for extra money. Not only did they teach me how to treat others but it helped me learn that I wanted more out of life. If I want to go pick up others garbage that is fine, it will be my choice but it wont be the only thing that I am able to get a job doing.
I think that it is great that you are wanting to support your sd in her new job, she will need the encouragement to make it through the season. I know many people who "gave up" or thought that the job was beneath them after getting hired to do the job. Yes, it would be nice if hubby would support his own kid but at least she has you and sounds like she has her bm also.
I'm hoping she has her BM's
I'm hoping she has her BM's support although I fear that her BM has talked her out of doing it. I'll hear all about it this weekend if that is the case I'm sure.