How to tell my stepson's mother about our marriage
I met my stepson’s mother almost a year ago when she dropped him after visitation. The moment I met her, she started reproaching my husband, fiancé at that time, about not telling her that his fiancée and her son has spent a lot of time together. Of course, that was BS because she knew all that. She just wanted to play the victim role again. But it didn’t work. Then she started to give me that crap of how protective mother she is with her son and how much she is involved in his life. BS!!!!!!!!!! She doesn’t give a s***on her son. She uses him as a pawn every time her games don’t work.
Anyway, my husband and I got married back in May and didn’t tell her anything.
Do you guys think we should tell her that we got married and how?
She doesn’t tell us anything about any potential man in her life.
My stepson is 3 years old and we did not have any problems with relating with one another. It came naturally.
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Thank you, guys. When she'll
Thank you, guys.
When she'll find out, she'll be very mad.She'll be like" Why didn't you tell me? I am his mommy and need to know who he is around".
Yeah, right! Like we know who is around the kid when he goes to her place.
That is 'quote unquote' what
That is 'quote unquote' what kiddo's mostly absent mother says to us...when she decides to grace kiddo with her presence. Dont tell her. I regret telling CrazyLady that we got married. She stepped up the crazy, big time. When she realizes yall are married, and she goes nuts, just brush her off and ignore her.
JS, I would not bother
JS,
I would not bother telling her. It is none of her business and she will find out soon enough when she sees your wedding rings.
Contratulations on your marriage and enjoy your family.
Best regards.
My husband and I thought the
My husband and I thought the same way. She doesn’t need to know what is going on in our household.
But we wanted to hear some input from more experienced people.
She’ll figure it out on her own soon and then the show will begin.
Thank you for your opinions.
Yes, you're right,Steperg.
Yes, you're right,Steperg. It's not her business. But she is going to make it like it is. And our lives will became an inferno.
What can I do? I love my
What can I do? I love my husband and he has always stood up for me every time she acted crazy. This is all the time, actually.
Don’t worry. He told her the
Don’t worry. He told her the first time that it’s not her business. She reproached him of not telling her that he was dating someone else and he was very rude to her telling her to mind her own business and prove to be a mother. So I know he is going to tell her the same thing.
Do you think she might take him to court for not telling her?
I like this on.
I like this on.
I agree she doesn't need to
I agree she doesn't need to know your business. My dh's knew b/c the boys were in our wedding. She tried to keep the boys from us b/c she somehow thought that would stoop us from getting married, dh told her that either way we were getting married with our without the boys. She let us have them.
Well, the kid was in our
Well, the kid was in our wedding too, but he didn't understand anything. Except of the fact that Lina and Daddy kissed each other.
Yeah, but she doesn't tell us
Yeah, but she doesn't tell us anything about her personal life. And I am sure that she dates someone. The kid told us recently that he played with a man at mommy's house and the man was sleeping in the same bed with mommy.And every time he talks on the phone with her, he asks her about that man. And she has never given him an answer. We know what they are talking because the phone is on speaker.
She said it very clearly that
She said it very clearly that she does not have any interest to know me. Yet she is making judgments about me saying that I am not fit to take care of her child. She said she doesn’t want any other woman to tell her child what he needs to do. She is his mommy. But the funny part is that the kid lives with us full time. Basically, she told my husband that she is not able to take care of him and dumped the kid on my husband’s lap.
Yeah, but she is like “I am his mommy. You, guys keep me out of the loop all the time.”
My mother-in-law told us “Don’t tell her that you are getting married. That woman doesn’t deserve any respect or attention. She is sick and will poison you with her sickness too. So don’t even bother.”
That’s funny. She was supposed to have him for a weekend. We were getting ready to leave the house to meet her and she calls all crying and tormented saying: “I am cycling and lost my medication. I can’t take care of him. My doctor is not at the clinic so I can get more medicine. I’ll call you guys on Monday (that was on a Saturday) and let you know when I am going to pick him up.”
Do you think she called on Monday? Hell, no!!!! She called 2 weeks later saying that she has been very ill. But that Saturday evening she changed her picture on Facebook saying that she had such a good time at Y’s party.
She’ll be calling repeatedly
She’ll be calling repeatedly or sending nasty text messages.
That's about she can do. She does not know where we live. When she picks up the kid, we meet in neutral locations.
I hope so too. But she will.
I hope so too. But she will. It is in her blood to be a jerk.
I also hope that she won't find me in a bad mood because I could say something I shouldn't.
I'll let my husband make the
I'll let my husband make the call.
I wouldn’t tell her a thing.
I wouldn’t tell her a thing. It's not any of her business and it doesn’t involve her anyway.
BM made a big deal out of her marriage; SD would talk about it non-stop...BM new husband is going to be my step-daddy :sick: and I will have X as my step-brother and Y as my step-sister. It got to the point where we told SD that we are happy she is happy but that it did not involve our home so it would be nice if she wouldn’t talk about it all the time. It wasn’t the point of SD talking too much, it was the point of BM having to get SD all jazzed up over it a YEAR before it even happened! But that is classic BM for you.
Anyway, not that BF and I are ever going to be married, but if we were I wouldn't say anything to BM and I wouldn’t say anything to SD until the day it was going to happen, and if SD told BM so be it...but I wouldn’t waste the oxygen telling BM a darn thing about a day she wishes would have never happened in the first place!
And I bet that is how your DH X will see it. Like you did something to her by not involving her in your joy or that she needed to give her permission for your DH to remarry.
She said it very clearly that
She said it very clearly that she does not have any interest to know me. Yet she is making judgments about me saying that I am not fit to take care of her child. She said she doesn’t want any other woman to tell her child what he needs to do. She is his mommy. But the funny part is that the kid lives with us full time. Basically, she told my husband that she is not able to take care of him and dumped the kid on my husband’s lap.
Yeah, but she is like “I am his mommy. You, guys keep me out of the loop all the time.”
My mother-in-law told us “Don’t tell her that you are getting married. That woman doesn’t deserve any respect or attention. She is sick and will poison you with her sickness too. So don’t even bother.”
That’s funny. She was supposed to have him for a weekend. We were getting ready to leave the house to meet her and she calls all crying and tormented saying: “I am cycling and lost my medication. I can’t take care of him. My doctor is not at the clinic so I can get more medicine. I’ll call you guys on Monday (that was on a Saturday) and let you know when I am going to pick him up.”
Do you think she called on Monday? Hell, no!!!!
She called 2 weeks later saying that she has been very ill. But that Saturday evening she changed her picture on Facebook saying that she had such a good time at Y’s party.
I think DH is the one that
I think DH is the one that should tell her if anyone. It is none of her business but she will find out eventually. To me you would think she would be grateful SS would have some stability in his life at your household. But honestly let her do her worst, it is not a crime to get married?! She needs to learn that fast.! IMO
Yes, Most Evil, I would be
Yes, Most Evil, I would be happy if my child's stepmother was a loving person and loved my child. But no, in her case, she is the most selfish person I have ever met. She thinks that the world revolves around her just because she gave birth to a child. She carried him for 9 months, for Christ's sake. And, we , other people, should bow in front of her for that. This woman would put herself first, before considering her child.
I have no idea what is in her
I have no idea what is in her mind. Sometimes i wish i knew. But this woman is crazy for sure and with papers.
That's good. Let her become
That's good. Let her become green with envy. I am surprised she didn't ask for your ID to verify your date of birth.
In their mind it's that if they are not with their ex husbands/partners anymore, nobody should.
After she got kicked out of the house over 2 years ago by now my husband, she went to the police to file a restraining order against my DH saying that he abused her. A court date was set 3 weeks later and she didn't even show up. She kept the kid away from his father for almost a year. That was her vendetta against my DH .When my DH got the kid back, he was in the worst condition ever: malnourished, ringworms on his scalp, eczema on his legs. That kid was literally grabbing food from the table. He was eating everything.
I felt so mad and sad at the same time. I said to myself “What mother could possibly do this to her child?"
Guys, this thought of not
Guys, this thought of not telling BM that my husband and I got married is still haunting me. What if when she finds out, she decides to take us to court stating that we have intentionally kept this matter away from her? You don't know this woman. She is totally crazy and evil.
How should we tell her?
You might think that I am paranoid, but I am scared. Really.
As far as her taking you to
As far as her taking you to court for intentionally keeping this from her...there's no law stating that you have to share that with her.
I think your DH should let
I think your DH should let her know. No reason to give details...when, where, etc. He owes her no explanation. However, in court situations, there is often a difference made between a parent living with a girlfriend/boyfriend & a parent who is married. I think she should know that you are her son's stepmother. To not tell her just because she doesn't share relationship information with you seems petty.
I would absolutely have your DH make the call to let her know. I wouldn't recommend you take that upon yourself.
Thank you for your input,
Thank you for your input, Stormabruin.
I agree with you. And my husband is the one who is going to tell her.
I wasn't thinking of doing it myself. The question is how he should tell her in order not to trigger the monster that it is inside her. This woman is not rational at all.
Should he tell her “Point blank, I got married to my fiancée" or should he be a bit delicate?
I'm not sure how long you
I'm not sure how long you guys have been married, but there probably isn't a way to approach the topic in a roundabout way at this point. I think it'd be fine for him to just say, "I feel you should know that Lina is SS's stepmother now. We got married".
I think that's delicate enough. He doesn't owe her details.
There's no guarantee it won't trigger the monster inside of her. My DH could tell our BM that he saw some really pretty flowers growing in a field & it'd trigger the monster inside of her. She may be hurt that she wasn't told beforehand, but if she chooses to take it personally, that's hers to deal with.
Laughs I would like to see
Laughs I would like to see her face when she finds out and that she was not told, she is going to be mad at her son for not letting her know. It is none of her business but then again I am sure your X is proud of you, i would let her know. No matter what you do she is going to be pissed.
Her son is 3 years old. He
Her son is 3 years old. He didn't understand too much of what happened and we avoided talking about marriage in front of him. Plus he didn't see her like the next day to tell her that. "Daddy dressed me in a nice suit and Lina had flowers in her hands. We went to a judge and Daddy and Lina kissed each other".
We got married at the end of May and the kid saw her almost at the beginning of July. So he doesn't remember.
But of course, she is going to be pissed not matter how he will tell her.
But I don't want her to call him names and stuff like that.She caused him enough damage already. After all,she is not his ex. wife.She is just the baby mama. Who said" baby mama drama", was a smart man.
They were not married. Thank God for that.
JS, I think I would change
JS,
I think I would change your wording from "Her son is 3 years old." to ....
"Our son is 3 years old."
He is not "HER" son, he is your DHs son and your son also.
Don't give BM all of the credit and sole "ownership" of the parent label.
IMHO of course.
Best regards.
Thank you for giving me the
Thank you for giving me the vote of motherhood.
You made my day.
Thank you, guys, for your
Thank you, guys, for your beautiful thoughts.
We'll let you know how it went.
I am so glad you asked this
I am so glad you asked this question. I had the same problem with my hubbs ex...didn't tell her we got married. However now she holds it against us on everything. It wasn't like she knew nothing about us we had been together since the divorce. But no I wouldn't tell her. If there is not finacial obligation on her part to you it is not her business.
Annie
There is no financial
There is no financial obligation on her part. She doesn't pay anything for my stepson. My husband and I pay for everything: pre-school, clothes, medical insurance. She just sees him from time to time without contributing with nothing. But when she'll find out, she'll do the same thing as yours did. I don't care as long as she leaves us alone. But it is not going to be that way.
So, we have to prepare emotionally for what she is going to say.