does anyone know a happy stepfamily?

Just wondering if they exist. Wondering if I can ever be happy in a future relationship considering that most likely any man I end up with will have kids.

AlexandraL's blog
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If the children are raised

If the children are raised properly, you can definitely have a happy stepfamily.

Yes mine. Dh and I are on the same page and a united front no matter what. I think the main key to any stepparent is for the bio parent to parent their kids and not baby them or let them get a way with thing just b/c they are from a broken home or fear of the the other bio parent. Plus it is what is best for the kids anyway to let the kids know that their parents will be parents.

My mom got remarried when I

My mom got remarried when I was 14 years old. For the most part, it was awesome! I loved my step father so much. I called him Daddy. My biodad came to see me once a year at the most, I love him because he is my daddy but that doesnt mean I forgive him for seemingly forgetting about me. So after 10 years of not having a father figure, I had one that helped teach me to drive, that I could talk to, and one that I knew honestly loved me. He was so fun, he would tell us if we wanted to sneak out, we had better be home before moma got off work. Never once did he try anything out of the way with us. But as a stepchild, I did resent decisions that affected us that we had no concern in. My mom loved me, I know! But sometimes it really felt as she was more concerned with her new husband than us. I understand now but at the time it hurt. This is why I always try to get my DH to take my Skids and do something with them. I was so hurt when he left my mom. They never fussed or anything but one day out of the blue(and this happened several times) his stuff would be gone. For no reason, they would just be gone. The last time he did this, he starting dating his ex girlfriend and they got married after the divorce was final. I really appreciate everything that he did do for me but when he moved on with his life, he wiped the slate clean and we were no longer part of that life. Every once in awhile, I will see him and we will talk for a few but that is the extent of our relationship. Anyways, I digress, yes, I do think there are happy step families out there but I think they are an exception to the rule.

I do know of a few. My mom's

I do know of a few. My mom's stepmom is the only grandparent I have left. She married my grandpa right after I was born. For as long as I can remember, she has been loved, respected, & appreciated by everyone in my mom's family. My parents moved my grandparents into their home as my grandpa got sick. He passed several years ago, but they still have my grandma with them. When my grandpa passed, grandma asked her daughter about moving out her way to spend some time with her family, & her daughter told her she wouldn't be able to care for her there. My parents are happy to have her with them & have expressed no ill feelings toward having to take care of her. They have only expressed their sorrow for the fact that her own children don't give her a thought to call or visit.

My old roommate is best friends with her skids mom. This is the situation that really set me up for the sucker-punch I got in my own situation. I saw the relationship the two of those women had together. They hang out. They shop together. They are honest friends. Now, I didn't expect to be BM's BFF, but in no way, did I EVER imagine steplife would be the struggle it has been.

I would like to think that I could count on my skids to be there for me when I'm old & ailing, but I'm not brave enough to put any eggs in THAT basket...

I sure hope so. Maybe I am

I sure hope so. Maybe I am just seeing it through the filter of my own experiences. I'm still in touch with my exbf and there's just so many power plays, emotional crap, so many people weighing in on decisions and making demands it is just unmanageable. He's making great strides but...

I let him go because his situation is too much for me and I cannot get over my negative feelings toward his daughter but I am so fearful that I'll just have a different flavor of the same situation next time. That being said, much of the grief is d/t being involved with a man (exbf) who had not had enough time or distance from his divorce, had not processed his own guilt, and did not set up healthy boundaries/say no to unreasonable demands being made of him by the women in his life (MIL, BM, SD -- I am the only one who is normal) and has had unrealistic expectations of myself (aka guilt parenting/martyr dad).

Exactly houtxstepmom...you

Exactly houtxstepmom...you have to be on the same page re all the kids and parent all the kids. My exbf wanted to parent with BM -- in my own house! That is a problem. I think the adult couple needs to parent together if they're living together. I understand people want 50/50 custody but I really don't understand how a new relationship/marriage can work if the expectation is that one spouse is going to parent with the ex spouse and potentially make decisions that the new spouse disagrees with. You might as well stay single if you want to parent with your ex spouse. I understand wanting to be on the same page with your ex -- I'm divorced myself, but basically I make the rules with my kids on my own in my house and my ex makes the rules in his...I have no veto power and neither does he.

It doesn't help that the BM in my situation has mental health issues which have impacted SD or that MIL is deeply entrenched in exbf's life and that he has been too nice to say no...

I am a BM but I leave my exH

I am a BM but I leave my exH alone always. I don't understand why most BMs are up their ex's a$$/maintaining contact. It's like they can't let go and yet most of the time they're the ones who initiated the divorce in the first place!

Also it seems so many have mental health issues...that is a HUGE reason why I called it quits because the BM has issues and is effing up SD...also, SD is not a regular kid and has a genetic propensity for mental illness considering her mom has issues and subjects her to her whacked out fears (fears SD will become ill, die, injured emotionally or physically and has made the poor kid afraid of the world and herself). I am scared how things will pan out when SD is a teen and wants to rebel against BM. Most teens are egocentric but I can only imagine how bad it could get when you've been a princess all along...

OD, I agree. As long as

OD, I agree. As long as you're still fighting/engaging with an ex you really cannot move forward with a new relationship. That's part of the work involved with getting divorced -- emotionally divorcing yourself of the ex spouse. That's why so many of us on this site feel like somehow it's not just us and our SO/spouse because it's not; many of our partners are still partnered with their exes and their old family units thereby preventing a new family from ever really developing. The old ties don't get cut and so new ones are hard to make. At least that's my take on it.

I've cut ties with my ex and he now is remarried and has a life that involves our kids -- minus me. His own life with the kids AND his wife. That is what I want. I want a life with a man who is not tied up in an ex wife or domineering mother. I want a man who can parent his child based on what is best for the child, not based on fear of angering the BM or losing the affection of the child. I sure hope I can find that. Exbf is working really hard on that but I just couldn't wait anymore. It's too painful going through the stuff he should have taken care of before even CONSIDERING dating.

Dabevans, that's really all I

Dabevans, that's really all I want...a happy marriage that may include kids. I have given up on a blended family given my past experience. Expectations for a "family" are unrealistic. I just want a low conflict relationship.

I feel the same fabumom...my

I feel the same fabumom...my ex has low drama because I do not interfere in his life and my kids are respectful, well-adjusted kids with no emotional/mental health issues. That is what I expect from a man, his ex wife, and any kids he may have.

I can totally see why you'd feel frustrated with your situation. I was. I keep thinking it doesn't have to be this way, because my ex has it good but the two men I've dated with kids both had OCD ex wives, doted on kids, and felt guilty for having their own life...it's discouraging.

Fabumom, it doesn't sound bad

Fabumom, it doesn't sound bad and I know exactly what you mean. I want the male version of me and my life. I feel like anything less is settling, but sometimes I wonder if I am being unrealistic, which is part of why I posted my original question. Btw, I really don't think I am unrealistic for wanting what I want. I was so miserable and stressed when I was in the throes of living with my exbf that I couldn't maintain it and am happier living alone. I don't want to have to be stressed out d/t other people's unresolved problems but I wonder if I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening than I do of finding a man without a PITA ex wife and overindulged kids. I guess sometimes I feel I have to chose between being alone and having a bunch of bullshit in my life. I really want someone to grow old with, but am unwilling to take on dysfunction.

Fabumom, I so agree with you.

Fabumom, I so agree with you. You were right to advise your friend. After taking a stab at the "blended family" thing, it makes me rethink my divorce. Although my exH and I are not a perfect match we never had the issues I've had with my exbf -- all the MIL/BM/SD blended family BS or the financial strain inherent with divorce/child support. I knew my ex and I weren't a perfect match but I miss having a normal family life and partnership and also miss the stability (emotional and financial) that comes with a biofamily. Makes me sad and has caused me to grieve my divorce...I always considered my divorce the right thing until this experience with my exbf...

Yes, I'd rather be alone than miserable and trapped in a situation that I had no hand in creating and no power to change...but damn, I would like a partner someday...

Same here...what I gained in

Same here...what I gained in compatibility with my exbf I paid for with BS. I have wondered the same thing...questioning my divorce is pointless but it does add to my overall unhappiness and disillusionment...makes me wonder if I've messed my life up with the decisions I've made over the past six or seven years...

My own (with my parents) is

My own (with my parents) is happy. My parents divorced when I was 17 and my sister was 22. My dad remarried when I was 20ish. We love his wife and know that he's much happier now than ever before. My mom is a sadder story because she hasn't found anyone else and deals with depression, but otherwise that is the worst part about my situation as the child of divorce.

My best friend is the product of a happy situation too. I actually posted her story once as an inspirational situation and got no responses. People don't always like to hear happy stories when they come to a place to vent and let out anger Long story short, her parents were high school sweethearts but it didn't last longer than the pregnancy. Both parents remarried while my friend was young, and had other children (all girls). They've always included my friend in everything in their lives, even sometimes doing Christmas holidays together. The parents even watch each other's dogs when the others are on vacation, they live within a block from each other, they have mutual friends, and will host parties together. The younger kids consider themselves all sisters (they're all close in age) and even hang out at school. What a great situation for everyone involved...talk about BONUS families!

How old is your mom? Why do

How old is your mom? Why do you think she hasn't found someone else? I worry about this being me...my kids gone and never remarried...

I've actually asked advice on

I've actually asked advice on here about my mom...if you look back in my blogs I have one about her. It's really a sad situation. She hasn't moved on at all, still believing that my dad might come back to her...that they were right for each other...etc. She also is not willing to get out and meet anyone. We give her suggestions all the time (she loves to sing, wish she would join a chorus; she is religious but won't join a church; she loves animals but won't volunteer at an animal shelter -- just a few examples) for things to do so she can get out and meet people, and in the last 10 years she's gone on 3 dates I believe, but always found something wrong with the guy right away. I have faith that if she can just get out to meet people, she'll be fine. She's a very loving and kind person and if you get her talking, she's a joy to be around. She's just shy! If I lived in a town with her I'd be dragging her all over the place

My family is very happy. DH

My family is very happy. DH has 3 kids with two different BMs. I have DS and an EH and DS has had 2 SMs! We make it work somehow. Only one BM gives us trouble but DH and I will never let her come between us in any way. DH and I actually just had our 10th wedding anniversary too. Happy step-families can happen and not just when the BM is dead or on another continent.

I'm happy. Bm is a fruit

I'm happy.

Bm is a fruit loop, but I just don't let her affect me like I used to. I quit trying to control the situation so much and have started practicing a profound acceptance.

The kids are happy, I'm happy, hubby is happy. Only one left unhappy anymore is the skids' mom... but there isn't anyone on the planet that can change that for her.

She has to want it first and I think she is absolutely content in her current state of misery.

I choose not to be any part of it.

Our family is happily

Our family is happily blended. It was tough the first few years. We stuck it out. And it has been much easier for as long as I remember. My husband's ex-wife is an idiot. But she is more like a mosquito than anything else. Irritating, but not really anything to get too worked up about. Same with my ex-husband. Everyone in a while one or the other will pull some dumb-ass stunt. But we pretty much ignore it these days.

For the most part we look and function like a typical nuclear family. I don't think most people even know we are blended.

We have a pretty happy Step

We have a pretty happy Step Fam. We're not perfect but I have a pretty good relationship with my SD's BM's and although we have some problems with BM#1 overall things are good. We enjoy our family time together and we have minimal drama. I think it really depends on the willingness of all parental units to put the drama behind you and focus on the kids. If you can get the adults to be adults it makes it easier.

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does anyone know a happy stepfamily?

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