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A ? to the steps out there

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Fri, 11/05/2010 - 9:23am

I havn't been on this site for that long, but long enough to realize that I am not alone in having a really hard time dealing with the issues that come along with a blended family. Not only has being on this site shed light onto my situation, but just makes me realize how difficult these step situations can become.

To the steps who already have children of their own or plan to in the future, knowing how complicated and challenging and draining the scenario can be: If your kids decided to marry someone who had children from a previous relationship, how would you feel? Would you be happy? Nervous? Sad? Reserved?

Comments

lostlisa's picture

Submitted by lostlisa on Fri, 11/05/2010 - 9:29am

Sad Do as much as I could to discourage it, but you know how that is,you tell them this and they would run to them, just because you said not to.

secondplace's picture

Submitted by secondplace on Fri, 11/05/2010 - 9:51am

To use a phrase I picked up on this site -

I have already advised my daughter that if she meets a man "with a previously enjoyed family'.........RUN!

My skids are actually pretty good, but I still find it stressful when they're around. I'm trying to save her the same trouble.

on the fence's picture

Submitted by on the fence on Fri, 11/05/2010 - 10:41am

With divorce rates as they are, our kids are likely to end up as step parents or divorced single parents at some point. Sad, but this is the way the world is now. Maybe how to behave in a blended family should be part of everyone's training for all the future DHs and BMs that society will produce. We are only the second generation of this weirdness. It has to get better! It's good to council our kids on it. Teach them how to be good to one another because it's almost inevitable.

iwannagoback's picture

Submitted by iwannagoback on Fri, 11/05/2010 - 11:29am

I have already told my children that the best possible life to have is to finish college, then marry someone you love deeply, and if/when you have children, to be together forever... Hey, A MOM CAN DREAM! And in reality, that is the life I wish I had....

However, I CAN tell you that my single, childless brother will NOT date seriously/marry anyone with kids after watching what I have gone through. I have a standing offer from him for a place to live & a job any time if I need it... (he knows how unhappy I am.) Unfortunately, he lives in a differet state & EX-H probly wouldn't go for it!

SillyGilly's picture

Submitted by SillyGilly on Fri, 11/05/2010 - 12:48pm

I woudl advise against it. For me, the BM is far more difficult and miserable than the skids.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Fri, 11/05/2010 - 1:17pm

If I could go back & do it again, I'd still be here. I can't imagine my life without my husband. I've been his support & he's been mine. My thought is that any marriage will have issues. If they aren't step issues, they will be others.

I put a lot of thought into my choice to marry into a step-family & while there are things that have been harder to struggle through than I ever imagined, I don't regret my choice.

To be quite honest, I feel like when adult life hits, my DH's kids will NEED a patient & loving person to turn to one day, to help them muddle through all of the confusion & nonsense BM is creating for them now. If they do, I can be that for them. It's my personal belief that each of us has a purpose, & I really think that my purpose is to be here for my DH & his kids...should they choose to have me in their lives at some point.

As far as advising for or against step-life to someone else...to each their own. Some people deal well with it. Some struggle but still remain happy through it. Others just are not cut out for it at all. I'll never have children of my own, but to anyone who ever asked, I'd be very honest about the struggles we've faced in our situation, & I'd share much of what I take from here. I think people need to be well informed before they make such a decision.