The more things change..., the more they remain the same
So, I get home from work yesterday and walk into the downstairs bathroom and find a cigarette butt floating in the bowl and ashes on the floor next to the toilet.
SS22 is basically the only person to use this bathroom, because he has been sleeping on the couch 5 feet away from it. SD21 and BS12 use the main bathroom upstairs and DW and I use the bathroom just off our bedroom. Apparently SS22 was home alone for about 2 hours and couldn't follow the "no smoking in the house rule" when left to his own devices, he had to do what he always does and do what he wants whenever he thinks he can get away with it.
This is the exact same reason I tossed him out of the house the last time he was living with us, and the results are going to be the same this time. I called DW at work to talk about another issue, and she could tell that I was not happy about something. SS22 had left the house before I called her, not sure where he went. I told her that I didn't want to discuss it over the phone while she was at work, that she should either wake me up when she got home at 4AM or I would wake her to talk before I went to work at 7AM.
She was not busy at work,and said, "just tell me whats going on, I don't want to wait until tomorrow" and I told her what I had found, and told her that I want him out asap. I said he had the option to choose his path, follow the rules and stay here until he could get his feet under him, or disobey the rules and have to find another place to live. He made his choice, he must now live with the consequeces of his actions.
I was rather surprised at the reply that I got, she was pretty subdued and just said "OK", then this morning before I left for work, she was still sleeping, I was running late so I didn't wake her to talk about it, but she woke up as I was going out the door, and told me that she loved me and I got a hug and kiss before I left....., it was kinda strange, usually she would be pissed at me and I'd get the silent treatment for picking on her son. Maybe the calm before the storm ?
I talked to the PO today and gave him some history and told him that SS22 is on his way out my door and why. This PO is new, and seems a bit naive, but he took in the info I gave him so he can't say he didn't know...
Stay tuned, plan to call DW in a little while to discuss this issue, it'll be interesting....
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Update: Well, called DW this
Update:
Well, called DW this afternoon and asked her if there was anything that we needed to talk about further?, she said she didn't think so, that she understood and was fine with it. I asked if she had spoken to SS22 yet and she said that she had and that he "understood" and that she told him that he had his chance to do things the easy way, and didn't take it, that he told me that he wouldn't smoke in the house and broke that promise.
He told DW that he was outside smoking a cig and the phone rang, he came in to get the phone and realized that he had the cig in his hand and then threw it in the toilet. I told her that he was lying and that if that was the case, there wouldn't be cig ashes on the floor by the toilet, and a cig lighter stashed in the desk drawer that the computer is on. She agreed and I asked her if this is going to cause any problems between us, and she said "no".
I told her that I would give him until after Christmas to find a place, as long as he doesn't break any more of the house rules. After Christmas, his time is up, that gives him a week to find another place to stay, as long as he doesn't break the rules again. I told her that if he breaks the rules again in that week, he will need to leave the house immediately. I told her that I thought that was more than fair, and she said "ok".
I still feel like the worst is yet to come, she has never been this calm and rational when it comes to tough love for SS22 before. Maybe she is getting tired of his crap too, I can only hope.
Wow, that was un-called
Wow, that was un-called for......
I've done my time with this adult that still wants to be a kid. If I'm controlling it's because I have to be to keep from being steamrolled over.
If you are just in the mood to slam someone, slam away, but the last thing I am is controlling.
SpunkiDoolittle -
SpunkiDoolittle - Update
Spoke with DW again last night about the current situation and she seems to be accepting the results of the choice that SS22 has made. I think our relationship is pretty strong, lord knows we have been through a lot, but if her choice is as you say, to leave me, then that is her choice to make, and live with.
SS22 was very quiet last night and didn't say much at all, course he never does unless it's while he is staring at the computer or a video game. He knows he has until after Christmas to find a place.
I'm still confused by the sucker punch from you, I hope it was just because you were having a bad day ???
Steamed.....gonna have to
Steamed.....gonna have to side with you on this one (sorry, Spunki!). I, too, had gotten to the point where I just couldn't take anymore from the adult stepkids. DH just refuses to see what is really going on...he thinks SD24 walks on water and SS26 is just "going through something". WHATEVER!!!!! This past summer, while SD24 is knocked up, yet again, with no means of support other than the good ol' taxpayers, she actually TELLS me she's ENTITLED to everything she gets. I thought I would come across the table and kill her on the spot. Mind you, she was allowed to drop out of school, do ABSOLUTELY nothing while she lived at BM's house and came to see DH for the occasional praise and money. I really think SS26 is bi-polar. You just never know which one of his personalities is going to show up at the door! He's barely working at menial jobs, doesn't seem to have any direction in his life, but it's OK...he's just "going through something". Yeah...ok...in the meantime, MY kids, my entire family and myself, and all of my friends work our asses off to live a good life. DH thinks his kids should be able to come over here and just jump on the gravy train and tag along. Absolutely NOT!!!! They have done NOTHING to earn this, so they don't get it!
Like you, I hit my max with their bullcrap and told DH his kids were not coming to this house until THEY could get their act together, get jobs (yes, McD's is hiring), and become productive members of society. Is this too much to ask? I expect it of my family, I expect it of myself. Why should I hold his kids to a lower standard and still reward them?
Your stepson is not a child, he is an adult. He is mooching off of you. He needs to step up to the plate. I do wonder why wifey is so calm about it. I'd like to think she's just resigned to his behavior...but you may want to watch your back for awhile!
From the perspective of being
From the perspective of being independent, I'm not worried. I was on my own and paying my own way when I met DW, I can do it again if I have to with no hesitation.
I love my wife and wouldn't want to see that happen but if that is the choice she makes, so be it. I'm hoping/praying that her behavior is because she has finally noticed that the "emporer has no clothes on" so to speak....
well 22 is just awful to have
well 22 is just awful to have a skid at home. ss17 was a total turd to me and I was sooooo sick of him. Luckily he left on his own free will and returned to his BMs.
my ss17 was smoking in the house, throwing away my wash clothes, left dirty dishes molding upstairs, dirtied up 24 towels without washing them, would never do laundry or come home on time and smoke weed every day.....while asking me to pick up his girlfriend15. I was so tired of his lazy ass! He was a user and I made him be nice to me and told him when I didn't deserve his attitude. He was respectful until the day he left, then he blasted me that I wasn't his mother.....Well, thank GOD FOR THAT! No wonder some species eat their young.
as for DW, she is probably tired of it too. my DH was glad when his own son left our house and we once again had peace and quiet.
in defense of spunkidoolittle....has said a lot of supportive things to me, he/she was probably just giving you an alternate scenario type thing. we don't come on here to bash each other...much. lol