We thought for sure that BM would cancel the meeting -- as has occurred every time DF has tried to set something like this up in the past. But she kept it! Oh how I WISH I had been a fly on the wall for that one.

DF came home very optimistic and he said it went REALLY well, much better than expected. He said they were very open and honest with each other. Here's a few things that came up:

-- BM didn't even know that DF's entire tax return (over $4,000) was going straight to her because of the back pay. He said she was genuinely shocked when he informed her about this. After a few minutes, she actually said that she feels really bad....for ME. She asked about my maternity leave and DF told her that I'm not being paid for any of it. She said that she feels really bad that I don't have a support system here (no family) and that I don't have a job right now in my field. I guess she kind of asked him what he wants from HER...and he told her that he can't ask her for anything because it's HER money. But he did bring up that we take her daughter without so much as a thank-you, and all the years that he paid for her daughter's day care out of the goodness of his own heart. He told her we both just got second jobs to help out for after the baby comes. After a long talk about all of their finances and stuff, she said, "Soo...if I gave you like $1,000 would you pay me back in like 20 years?" She was sort of joking but half-serious. She actually might give us $1,000 of her back pay...I'm not going to hold my breath...but the thought of it makes my head reel.
-- BM actually asked why I didn't come. I was shocked by that...I guess she expected that I would go, too. DF told her that we both thought maybe some other time we could all get together and "talk". DF told her about my best friend's family (her parents both remarried when she was really young, the parents have other kids, and they all get together for events and holidays) and told her about how we've both talked about how nice it would be to be able to do something like that someday in the future. She agreed that would be ideal for the kids.
-- After discussing daycare issues, BM said, "Why doesn't SteppingUp just be the kid's daycare? You'd save money by not putting your child in daycare and you'd get money for SD5 and SS3!" HOLY CRAP. I guess this means BM trusts me. So much that she'd be willing to have me be her daycare? After giving it 20 seconds of thought, DF and I both agreed that wouldn't be worth it (at least until I get a teaching job again, then maybe we'd be able to do something like this in the summertime).
-- When bringing up discipline issues, BM said that she has no issues at all with the way we do things. She did admit to feeling attacked often by DF about her parenting, but she told him that she's really been working hard on being a better person in general. She told him that she's mentoring a kid for some sort of Big Brothers/Big Sisters program they're doing through her work and that it's really showing her how much worse things could be in life.
-- DF discussed with her that she has so many boyfriends that come in and out of her life, and he worries about hte effects on the kids. She assured him that she only introduces them to her kids if she "thinks" they're going to be something more. So she still didn't really 'get it', but this did lead to a conversation about her new boyfriend, who apparently was having huge issues that she was going to meet up with her ex. (I guess he kept texting her the entire time and she was getting annoyed with his questions.)

There were other things that got brought up but I'm so glad that DF did this. I think it opened a door to better communication. Every time they try to discuss things on the phone, it's so much easier for BM to get defensive and their conversations lead nowhere. I really think that she's a decent person when she's on her own, left to her own ideas and thoughts, but that she's SO easily swayed and manipulated by others. She told DF that her new bf didn't want her to go meet up with him and "thought it was weird" and that she almost cancelled. Her personality is so dependent on who's around her and what they think...and most of the people she surrounds herself with are dramatic people.

Anyway, we are feeling hopeful about the future. If she really does 'give' us $1,000 I will be surprised (I think that she'll discuss this with her bf/friends/family who will be totally against it, which I DO understand -- it IS her money to do whatever she wants with -- and it will change her mind). But it would be a HUGE olive branch extended on her behalf and it certainly would make a HUGE impact on how we perceive her and her actions.