I'm definitely not the passive one. My DH is. My Skids love me, respect me and do as I say. They often will go behind my back & try and get something from DH after I say no, USUALLY he'll stick by my decision. When he contradicts me I don't fight, I just walk away and say "whatever, you'll be the one dealing with their loser asses when they are adults." I agree, I have heard some INSANE stuff on here, Skids calling the SM the B word, treating them with disrespect. Couldn't be me. I'll end up in jail for Assault & Battery against a minor.

. will post when i gave it more thought

Haha PMS away girl. Thankfully for me, BF actually does his job and parents the kids, so I can be somewhat passive by default. However, we're both the hard type. The kids are not old enough to drive yet (thank God because I've seen FSS on his bike--lord help us when he's old enough for something with a motor!), but if the kids EVER used my vehicle without my permission, BF would throw them a beating to remember.

I always stand up for myself-but I don't like the knock down, drag out fights that go along with it. Sometimes you ask yourself if it is worth it, but then I have to remember that old "give an inch, they take a mile" saying.

I also don't have that emotional investment into the one big happy family myth that I used to, and I am pretty blunt and up front when I stand up for myself, and I don't back down.

Things are better now, though, because DH really doesn't do a lot of the stupid stuff he used to. Guess he got tired of fighting all of the time!

Sometimes I want to say get the Hell out....run! But the funny thing is I didn't do that with my 27 yr marriage that was a disaster from the beginning. But I chose and didn't want to admit I had made a mistake. No divorces in my family. Also soon after I became pregnant. Then I used I didn't want a broken family excuse. Always and excuse not to figure out why I was staying in a relationship that did not make me happy. Thankfully he took a job that required him to travel 5 days a week that is the only reason we stayed married. But is still ended in disaster because I was always,
taping, glueing, and making excuses for him. I was an enabler!

I have figured out life is too short to be so miserable and not to have what you want.

I have been with my SO for 2 yrs and he really wants to be married but the truth is my daughter is grown and I don't want to do the kid thing again. They are great kids but the mom is CRAZY! I love SO so much and he is the love of my life but I too would be divorced if I tried all of us living together. When he has them they need to go back to his house at night. I need the break.

We have rules also and all rules apply to everyone, My daughter, his kids, my god kids.

When I got divorced I made a list of my "must haves" and would like to haves. My So has all of the Must Haves and most of the like to haves. However I had no idea that falling in love with a man with small children could ever be this difficult. They are good kids, but they are not mine.

Sometimes like you I want to tell these wonderful women on this site "GET OUT!" Do not settle. My So is wonderful, loving, caring, a good father, a man of his word, I can totally count on him. He can and does take care of HIS kids.

He does not need me to be the baby-sitter, maid, cook etc. I tell him the truth. If I don't want to go with them, I tell him. If the kids have bad manners are not behaving correctly. I tell him. He corrects it. Case closed.

He sees my adult daughter who is successful, happy, and we have an amazing relationship and he wants that with his kids. He respects me a parent. My daughter loves who my SO is and tells me I am blessed. She also likes the kids, and even does stuff with them on her own. It is not perfect, but let me tell you it is worth putting up with the crazy BM to be with this amazing man.

Ladies make your list do not date someone who does not have all of your must haves. There are great men out there who will love an appreciate you. I found one. I know they exist.
After my first marriage I thought finding somone who could carry on a conversation, actually listen to what I said, made eye contact, and someone who I have an amazing Physically and spiritually relationship with was impossible. It is not.

After 50 first dates I was beginning to think there was not intelligent life on this planet. But the 51st was wonderful and still is. If the man you are with now is the love of your life...draw the line in the sand. Tell him no about the skids. Set firm boundaries for yourself so that you can be happy. If he is a good man, he will want you to be happy and make the adjustments to see to it that everyone has what they need.

The marriage/commitment is not between you and his kids it is between you and him. Get back to what you wanted and what made you fall in love with him in the first place. I am not do not want to come accross as judgemental either. I just want all of you to find what you had and lost! Or find what you should have!

Marriage for me? Maybe someday, maybe not. I am not sure. But we are happy and I do plan on spending the rest of my life with this man who walks his talk!

Not DH’s and not skids. MINE-MINE-MINE-MINE!!
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I had an incident not too very long ago where DH let SD13 wear a very special coat of mine (probably sounds queer, but I won it on a very tough horse show circuit a couple of years ago and it's embroidered and basically irreplacable and means ALOT to me) I remembered seeing her wear it one night when she was over (and of course came with no coat) and remembered thinking I need to make sure I tell DH that coat does NOT go home with her or I'll never see it again but I got busy with BS1 and forgot. Well guess what came up missing?? I flipped out, was in tears searching through the house for 30 minutes looking for it before I called DH. Of course he blew it off like it was no big deal which upset me even more! He did find the coat, apparently he let SD wear it another time AFTER I saw her with it and she left it in one of DH's friends trucks (which was good because at least it was found and friend brought it to the house) But I told DH NO MORE!!! NOBODY is to touch my things.. not skids, not him. If she needs a coat or something then someone needs to ask me before they just take MY things.

Dh knew he was in the doghouse, so he was just like OK, cool, nobody will touch your stuff again. Well THANK YOU! Why should I have to TELL you this????

I'm very good at setting boundaries with Dh and with my bio kids. My expectations are pretty clear. I'm not mean or nasty, and yes sometimes they slip and don't do it...or I feel like I always am reminding. (Like my dear little ones didn't do their chores last ngiht but enjoyed runing and I was doing dishes at 530am....hmmmm why?????)

Anyway, when it comes to the sk- I don't want them to walk away from DH. So they walk all over me.