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Headed for Seperation, NOT HAPPY

newmom01's picture

Submitted by newmom01 on Fri, 03/18/2011 - 8:27am

Ok yall, well here is the update from yesterday! Yep my hubby went to see counselor alone yesterday and I was excited because when we went together the counselor saw right through my husband and was basically giving him tips on how to fix our problems regarding his relationship with ex wife and kids and gave him advice on how to draw boundry lines for her.....well as most of you know the BM said hubby can see kids but not with me he has to visit them elsewhere basically anywhere where I am not! I told hubby I did not care for this idea and told him that she could not do that..the kids are not being abused, fussed at, starved, neglected, no one drink or smokes or does any drugs or anything so all he has to do is go pick them up and bring them to our home and if she wont release the kids call the police show them the CO and that should be the end of it! Well he wont do that HE ALLOWS her to call these shots and I am ANGRY and HURT and FRUSTRATED wondering what kind of hold does this woman have on my hubby. He says he does not want the kids to suffer, ok neither do I but you will still see them but on our ground rules not hers..and thats the problem he REFUSES to stand up to her. SO last night I told him since he seems like he is confused about who he is married to and who's feelings he needs to consider we should separate, and he was like OK ! OK can you believe that...So you rather lose your wife of two years and your new 1 year old son and your other son that will be born next week becuse you wont tell your ex to step off! I went to sleep after the convo didnt shed a tear I was sad but so tired I went to sleep, I got up extra early to try my new role of getting son ready for school/daycare alone and getting myself ready big belly and all put our things in the car and headed to daycare to drop off son I was fine until I told them I would have to pull him out (2 week notice required, we pay $220.00 a week, cat afford it without hubby..but I can managae the mortgage, carnote, utilities and everything else but the daycare would drown me) and change his pick up card (take dad off) really doubt that hubby would do anything but not sure....as soon as i drew a line through my hubbys name I broke down into tears and began to sob loudly ...SO EMBARRASSED i guess thats when it hit me that I was really serious about all of this SO SAD I LOVE HUBBY JUST CONFUSED WHY HE CANT STAND UP TO HER HE WILL STILL BE ABLE TO SEE KIDS SO WHATS THE PROBLEM???

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Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Fri, 03/18/2011 - 9:33am

I think everybody needs to take a little cooling off time and then come back together and talk. My DH has said some truly horrible things to me in the heat of an argument. Once he said the worst mistake he ever made was marrying me and having kids with me. And our oldest BD together heard him say that! It was terrible.

Later, I asked him if he really meant what he'd said and he didn't even remember saying it. Ever since then, he has been going out of his way to tell me that me and his kids are the best things that ever happened to me. It's nice, but it will never make up for those first words said in anger.

Ask your husband if he truly meant "OK" to a separation. And separation might not mean the same thing to him as it does to you. He might just see it as an opportunity to cool off and reflect on the nature of his relationships -- all of them. I don't see it that "separate" automatically moves to divorce and custody and taking dad's name off the pickup list.

Our counselor told me I need to be very clear with DH about what I need/want from him. It's then up to him to make that happen, or not. So be very clear about what you want (the outcome), but leave it up to him to get you to that point. And if he's not willing to do that, you'll have your answer.