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UGGGGHHHHHHHH!! Why are DH's SO STUPID??? Need some one liners to get through vacation.....help please...

Yme's picture

Submitted by Yme on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 3:57pm

I got the nerve to tell DH that I was unhappy with his lack of parenting now that i have disengaged and put the ball in his court...(where it should have been all along)...has caused me much anxiety and concern for the safety of others in my home...He seemed to listen....and said that he would work harder as he sees my point....wow....
A little later texted DH to asked DH why SD13 had not done her laundry...and it was an area that caused my anxiety because HE did not do HIS job and I would be the one having to worry about her clothes for the trip... the answer I got was very basically "Get over it and dont let things bother you" and some other blame shifting..... OH I am soooooooooooooooooooooo over this and I WILL NOT LET IT BOTHER ME (we've all said this one!) I am sooooooooooooooo angry that my blood feels like it is boiling!! I am soooooooooo sooooooo sooooooo mad!!!
I need to learn to "get over it" really I do and I dont know how.....Im tired of the DISRESPECT from my Skid and MOSTLY from my DH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just needed to vent.......anyone got any cute "one liners" that I can throw out over the next few days as we are going camping and I will be in SD13 lovely company all those days??????????????????? I need something to make me laugh rather than rip a new one for my F'nDH?!!!

Comments

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 4:17pm

I agree with the previous poster.

If you are truly disengaged, then you don't have to worry about her clothes for the trip. If she and dad don't worry about her having clean clothes, oh well.

If she wears filthy clothes on a camping trip, maybe the bears will go after her...

millions1's picture

Submitted by millions1 on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 4:41pm

Have you ever noticed really happy people that kind of get on your nerves because regardless of what is around them, they attend to the situation, but the situation doesn't ruin the day?

Have a goal: Hiking
Focus on goal: Take out your hiking gear
Attempt goal: Hike
Assess goal: You will not have the negative on your mind when you finish!!

Laugh at yourself regardless if everybody thinks your crazy!

Don't feel guilty for not taking the whole situation to a higher level. SD has you where she wants you. Make her hear "Girl, I don't have time for your foolishness, get out my way"...that way you aren't paying attention to every little detail. If she wants to be stinky and gross, let her. Don't be afraid to say "you smell, what is that? Is that your breath?" Sounds mean? No, just means get your shit together or you will be sitting by your stinky self!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 5:00pm

It is so hard to disengage at this level. My SS12 dresses terribly and can't be bothered to brush his hair. DH made sure he looked nice for Brunch yesterday. But, the hair. Really. I had to brush it when we got out of the car, because I was not going to sit with him looking like that with me.

I am about 80% disengaged. The 20% is when it embarasses me and I have to step in....

As for the laundry, just keep repeating when he is paniced on vacation becuase precious doesn't have what she needs, "NOT MY KID". It helps me until I have to go in public and then I make sure that DH sees how his kid looks compared to mine....

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 5:46pm

Don't text ANYONE about laundry. Geez, if he wants her to pack for herslef then she gets to wear what she wears. And if she bitches about it and how no one helped her, smile and say nothing.

So she gets snotty, ignore. If she has a meltdown, walk away. Choose your battles. Only you can feel like 'the bad guy' because she didn't being approriate clothing. Her father is going to be there, right? I am sure he can run her to the nearest Walmart to stock up. And despite it costing him money he wastes vacation running HIS daughter to the store because he needs to buy her clean clothes.

Really, no one died from wearing the same underwear for a week or so. Just sit upwind of her.

Did you ever think he is teaching her a lesson to prepare for the camping trip?

A one liner may be ... "Wait! No sorry, I thought I was caring for a minute but it was gas. False alarm."

ch21's picture

Submitted by ch21 on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 7:24pm

i know its hard to desenge when it comes to the cleanliness of your home. dirty clothes attract bugs and stuff. maybe she need like one outfit if she can't wash her clothes. or threaten to throw away dirty clothes that are more than 1 day old. i would!! if she only wants one or two outfits oh well. it may teach her a lesson

Yme's picture

Submitted by Yme on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 7:58pm

ALL are really good ideas folks thanks!! I am struggeling so with the "disengaging"...Thansk for pointing it out...what I LOVE about this site...HONEST COMMENTS!!!! I can not tolerate the dirty clothes/no bath/stinky stuff though....but somehow I dont think that I will EVER condone a walmart trip to replace dirty clothes...it would feed the BEAST that is already here...I think having DH stand by while SD13 washes her nasty clothes at our camp site might be a better option???....Dang IF dirty clothes got ME a shopping trip for replacements I would never wash laundry again...(see my point) I dont know how to fully disengage without having some boundaries such as safety and personal care of ones body/clothes...BUT I do feel it is DH's job to see to it that SD13 does her laundry and takes a bath...I know Im bull headed (controling??)and cant seem to just get the WTF attitude yet Im sure it is prob the main reason I am having such a hard time disengaging.... Just feel that boundries and limits are a must....

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 8:36pm

Ok, I was thinking maybe she is one of those girls that REFUSE to shop at Wally World. Maybe she is more freaked out by Goodwill.

She isn't going to care unless she is inconvenienced. And you have to work out how to deal with your intolerance of dirty clothes. Maybe a garbage bag 2x a week?

Yme's picture

Submitted by Yme on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 8:54pm

One of four...she would care less about WEARing the dirty clothes as the DIRTY clothes were the ones she was packing! UGH! Yes I have to get a better handle on all of this....my point was more that DH isnt making his daughter DO the chores...and I am trying to step back and let DH step up...I am just so sick of SD13 disrespecting our rules.....Honesty I'm sure I REALLY could care less if she was wearing the nasty clothes as long as she was not next to me...Not my stinky kid not my smelly problem...think I can do that one It is MORE how DH handels his BD and doesnt put his foot down to her disrespect and lies...I am really bothered that DH allows her to disrespect us both.....
MY CAMPING TRIP PLAN: disengage...air freshner...tequilla....got all the above ready for MY holiday....STINK if YOU want PRINCESS....I REFUSE to LET YOU make me havd a bad time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

manicmom's picture

Submitted by manicmom on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 7:42am

We agreed to a set of rules at our house, and there are reprocussions that we also agreed to - that way it's the rules fault when she does something wrong and gets a punishment. If you don't do laundry on "your day", then you don't get clean clothes - something 2 of the 3 girls in the house care about. Something else to try may be that if SD wears the same dirty clothes then you or DH picks out an outfit for her to wear. Take away her control! Go to Goodwill and find the worst outfits that you can, and go to WalMart and get some granny panties and knee socks - that will comprise her outfits if she doesn't present herself like a girl should.
We recently laid down the law with my SD15 and told her no more inappropriate clothes. She would wear presentable things or she would change immediately. We took her to Target to pick out presentable shorts and she pitched a fit, so she went home without new clothes...So she now has a small selection of appropriate clothes at home...so what. She better keep them clean...

Yme's picture

Submitted by Yme on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 8:23am

manicmom,
Great Ideas! Love what you have done with your SD! I cant blame you for putting your foot down on the "hoochie" clothes....we arent to that yet....but will keep that one in mind...The Granny panties....gonna do that one now...Also The rule list with punishments is a GREAT idea...Gonna work on DH to make this list with HIS punishments and then present this to Spawn13...I need DH to have "ownership" in order for this to work......I want DH to be the parent not me....but unfortunately I was forced into this role as we had per teens and toddlers when we came together ALL of which NEEDED rules and structure...I was not a seasoned StepMom at the time and like most of the rest of us thought if i treated the spawn like I treat BioKids things will be great...everyone will see I love them like I love my own....blah blah blah....GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG.......now all i have is a Psycho Brat who hates me and blames ME for ALL of her problems...who takes no responsability and accountability...and a MIL and SIL from H3LL who think IF i had hugged her more then she would be fine....It is ALL my fault.....I could write a book on what NOT to do but need all of your support here on StepTalk to get to the place I should have been at first....NOT MY KID...NOT MY RESPONSABILITY......