Crap - now it will be an SS and Xbox issue...
If anyone remembers my previous post regarding SS and the Wii issue... SS was allowed to buy a Wii with his own money and we basically took it away from him.... I don't need anymore comments regarding this... I know it was wrong but I had to contend with DH on that one.
Well now, SS wants an XBox and is trying to save his money. SS doesn't have his own room. He shares with BS. We have another tv in the family room that can be used. The Wii is hooked up in the Living Room.
I personnally think SS shouldn't be allowed to buy one for our house because he doesn't have his own room. The family room is just that... the FAMILY room. IMO, a child's personal gaming system should not be hooked to a FAMILY tv when there are other children in the house. The management of this will be a nightmare and I don't wish to deal with it.
Now, to circumvent all of this and still get the boy(s) what they want, I proposed that we somehow ensure SS is not enabled to buy the system but that WE buy it for THEM for Christmas. Then we can manage the fairness of it's usage without taking away anything that a child earned with their own money.
I proposed this to DH last night and we ended in a fight. He's not sure that's what he wants to get SS for Christmas. I thought it was perfect and would enable easy shopping this year! He doesn't want to have to tell SS he can't buy it (or anything else he wants if he saves up the money). SS also wants to buy a laptop... I don't think he should be allowed because of the management of ensuring that kids are safe online and also managing time limits.. how do you let a kid buy something and then tell him that he can't use it when and how he likes? I allow very limited time and surfing on the computer. It's just easier to buy if for them and then placing limits on those things should't feel like we are taking anything away that they earned.
DH doesn't see the problem. He actually said that if SS wants the Xbox he should be allowed to buy it and put it wherever he wants... even if he still wants his own AFTER we buy them one for Christmas.. WTF! I asked him where he would put it... he said 'I don't know, he can choose to unhook the Wii and put it in the LIVING room. I said hell no, he does NOT get to choose where to put the dang thing. DH and I will decide that. Not an 11 year old! Further, I don't want things being moved and unhooked/hooked because it's a big hassle. I told him there would be no where to put it and he needs to provide this guidence to SS so SS can think through the implications and make an informed decision. Again, DH doesn't see the problem. SS wants the Xbox so he can go online and play with others. I don't even know the implications of this (cost, etc.) and I don't really want to have to baby sit them while they are online to ensure it is safe (from inappropriate language and suggestions and predators). But DH won't tell him no. He'll wait until we are in the middle of it and then make me the bad guy when I say no then. I said if SS had his own room and it could go in there, I wouldn't have a problem with it... but that is not the case. The boys have a little tv in their room but I don't think it should be placed in there since it is a shared space (unless WE bought it).
Am I being unreasonable about this? How do I get DH to undertand the issue while still giving SS some freedom in choosing what to spend his money on without affecting the entire family?
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Yes, that is a biggee to me.
Yes, that is a biggee to me. We are trying hard to get out of debt right now and DH doesn't even want to take a family vacation because we don't have the cash but I've always had vacations (buy ow pay later type
)... this will be the first year I don't get a 'real' vacation. I'll be damned if I'm going to take another another monthly payment for something like this!
Thanks kris. That might be
Thanks kris. That might be an option. But I need to correct a statement just as I did on my prior posts... I DID NOT TAKE AWAY HIS WII. Ultimately, this was his dads decision.
Normally, he makes $5 WHEN he
Normally, he makes $5 WHEN he does his regular chores (sweeping, dusting, bathroom - shared with BS) which if he's lucky, happens once or twice a month. 10% goes to giving. And the rest is split between savings and spending. Savings goes to bank and he can't touch (will go towards his car someday) so he only has his spending which usually ends up to be $3. His birthday is next month and he usually gets a bunch of cash then. And his father is encouraging him to go out to neighbors and see what he can do (help with yard work, etc). I have been considering a raise just because they are getting older but they do a sucky job without my supervision so I'm not sure about that.
DH won't agree about getting another one for BS because he thinks that takes away from the effort SS made in getting his own. I think he does have a point there and agree that would not send the right message.
We don't even let SS15 and
We don't even let SS15 and SS10 have TVs in their room. We figure that we already don't get to see them half of the time, so they can play their games in the family room. They've become good at only playing when DH is gone and this way, we get control over the TV they watch, the games they play and all that good stuff. Plus, there's no "we're watching a movie in my room" when the GFis over. It's a win win situation. Plus, if there is interesting content in something that wasn't expected (like a sex scene, certain jokes, or other stuff), we can have a frank conversation with them about what it meant and tell them how we feel about that stuff. Definitely a positive to have only one TV.
I think you should let the
I think you should let the kid buy the gaming system with his money. I wouldn't make him buy his own and then go reward your own kid by buying him the same thing while you SS has to pay for his but I have a feeling you will buy your son the same thing. Set up times he can use the extra TV and/or since you guys stole his wii buy him a small TV for it. I think its great your SS is saving and buying his own expensive toys. He should be encouraged to learn to pay his own way, a ton of us complain about our skids being mooches with their hand out all the time. Is this really an issue about the skid being responsible or you being jealous your son isn't?
buttercookie, jealous? Are
buttercookie, jealous? Are you serious? Good grief. I do not plan to 'reward' my kid after 'making' SS buy his own. First, I'm not even wanting to 'make' SS buy anything. His own desires and impatience is giving him the motivation to want to buy it himself. OR maybe he does just want it to be his because HE doesn't want to have to share! Whatever the case is, I would love to be able to buy this as a gift but the only way to do that is to buy it for Christmas for BOTH boys. The only seflishness I have about this is getting it for Christmas makes Christmas shopping a whole lot easier!
Yes, I do agree that it is admirable and appreciated that he WANTS to earn it (although actually doing the work is another thing). He IS encouraged to do this.
So, enough on the whole principle of it. Logistically, I just don't know how to allow it... I had wanted to get another Wii so that we could allow SS to have HIS Wii back but financially, we can't afford that either... but we would have put that on the only other tv left... so then where is the xbox going to go... on the same tv? So then SS has a Wii and xbox and his own tv and BS gets nothing because there is no other tv left for BS to use if he wanted to do the same thing? I say it's just stupid. All of this could be eliminated if we just buy the dang thing for both at Christmas.
I think if he buys it you can
I think if he buys it you can set up times he can use it on the other tv. It doesn't have to be hooked up 24/7. I also wouldn't buy your kid games for it for Christmas because it's NOT your sons. Your son has the other gaming system your SS bought for him. I'd encourage your SS to to keep saving for stuff and purchasing his own expensive items. You might not realize it but your SS is very responsible with his money, something a lot of us adults could learn from. I wouldn't penalize him because he's a step. He earns his money, regardless of how, he deserves to spend it after saving some of it.
He is no more responsible
He is no more responsible with his money than my BS... they just have different priorities. He's not being penalized. I wouldn't want my BS to buy one for the very same reasons.
Just because he has different
Just because he has different priorities than your son doesn't make this an issue. If your son buys something with his money, the same should apply, you shouldn't take something your son bought and expect your SS to get to use it or buy Christmas presents for you SS that need to be used with what your son bought. It goes both ways. Like I said you can limit how much he plays it on the spare TV and your kid has the Wii to play so their shouldn't be a problem, your making a mountain out of a mole hill unless you don't think your son can keep his paws off your SS's belongings. Really its not rocket science and even if these were biological siblings you'd have the same issue. Let the SS buy what he wants as long as you put restrictions on it not overtaking the household and let him know right off the bat he will not dominate the spare TV you shouldn't penalize the step for having different priorities or interests than your own kids. most the time I side with the step moms because alot of skids behave feral can't do it in this case I think your being unfair to your skid.
Buy him a small TV for
Buy him a small TV for Christmas that he can use at your house to hook his game system to.
Your best solution is for each kid to have his own TV and game system.
You ask how to tell the kid
You ask how to tell the kid he can't use the game system when He paid for it... You just say no. My kids all bought their own cars. If they were grounded or had homework you bet your butt I took the keys. If it's this hard with a game, imagine ss with a hotrod.
Same with the laptop. And if you don't give him the password to your wireless you don't have to worry about predators.
What I would do if in this
What I would do if in this situation:
1. Buy the Wii from SS. Give him fair value.
2. Let SS buy what he wishes with the money.
3. Explain to him that he does not have to share the game system that he bought, but he does have to share the TV in his room that he will be hooking it up to and it would be in his best interest to be gracious.
4. Any fighting over the tv will result in it being removed and put in a box for a period of time.
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the comments. We don't have the money to pay for the Wii but I do like Panda's #2-4.
I'm still having a hard time with this because, when it was just my son, I could have bought him a xbox for Christmas. But now with the 2, I can't spend that kind of money on each kid... which means I will never be able to buy my son an xbox if SS gets his own. No, I'm not trying to reward my son. But instead, he's being forced to choose the same priorities as SS or he gets the short end of the stick.
This just stinks. I REALLY DO NOT LIKE BEING IN THIS POSITION.
sounds like this bothers you
sounds like this bothers you more than it does your kid. Deep breathe, they are different individuals, while we strive to be fair it doesn't have to be identical.
I buy my son what I want for
I buy my son what I want for Christmas. DH doesn't dictate that. As for your SS buying it that is great. Encourage him to save his money. Get him an inexpensive TV for their room and he takes it with him when he goes. As for the Xbox live, we give it as a birthday or other present and that way they have it and we do not have to deal with the credit card issue. They sell it at Best Buy. Our house each kid has a flat screen and Xbox in their room that they have saved Birthday money for.
They can have one of these cheap flat screens for around 75 for their room. Did it for both of the kids and they are very happy with what they have.
I think you are bothered that you can not get your kid the gift you want. You are allowing DH to dictate that. Don't it is your kid. Stand up for him...
Or if you want an easy out on
Or if you want an easy out on all of this, explain to SS that making this purchase might not be the wisest choice, he's 13 and if you guys had to take his wii because you couldn't afford one, not meant as a slam, you obviously won't be able to buy him or you BS cars in 3 years when they will want to start driving, most parents wouldn't be able to and there is no shame in that.I'd encourage both of them to start saving towards a car fund of their own. I wouldn't tell him he can't buy the Xbox but you can persuade him not to by pointing out this very point about the car.