I have been venting for years
Now I am interested in action! A vision to have a law created and passed to give stepparents legal rights to the children they raised for at least 7 years or more as a stepparent to that child. Any thoughts?
- Readyforrights's blog
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i for one don't want it to
i for one don't want it to become legal that a stranger may be able to come in and have legal rights over any child born without adoption.
That is an interesting
That is an interesting viewpoint Cocoa. Let me ask you this question than, You believe a stepparent who raised a child fom the time he was 6 months until he is let's say 8 years old everyday but couldn't legally adopt because the BF was still "in the area" but never saw his child and BM with whom the SF was married (and later divorced) to and raised their "child" should have any legal rights. I am curious.
if the BF was still in the
if the BF was still in the area, had he been approached to give up his paternal rights? i know in my case, i was adopted by my grandparents and my BF's whereabouts was unknown (back then all they had to do was post notices in the newspapers of where they thought he was), and my BM signed off on her rights (because it was best for me). aren't there already laws on the books regarding abandonment whether the BF's location is known or not? did the BF pay child support? i'm asking because i truly don't know. but the way the question was laid out, it sounded to me as if anyone could potential gain rights to someone's child after a period of time. i believe that 1-a parent should have to sign away their rights or 2-be proven unfit legally and have their rights terminated. with the exception of those two cases i don't believe anyone has the legal right to your child (although grandparents have some rights, but they are family). it's very sad the scenario you describe. it's a shame the father involved didn't just bow out. but it seems the child has undergone yet another failed marriage so it may be for the best. how many more men would become eligible for "rights" before the child is 18? not critizing, just stating a possibility.
You are correct that you only
You are correct that you only have to post ad's in the local paper. To go more in depth of my own situationit is complicated. The BF paid child support over a 15 year period a total of about 20 times from his unemployment checks. Otherwise he was either going to jail, working under table (to avoid paying), or just plain not around. My Ex gave up her rights to my SS after she ran into legal issues because of drugs and alcohol. I got custody of our BD and she gave her parents rights to our 15 yo SS after I raised him from 6 months to 15 1/2 yrs old. Not a stranger at that point but more of a father. GP's didn't like me personally and sent my SS away to a school for over a year till he was almost 17 and now lives at thier home with no communication with me. It would be rights for SM and SD's as these stuations happen to both men and women everyday. What do you think?
it's a shame that she gave
it's a shame that she gave her parents rights instead of you. you seem to genuinely love your SS and are a responsible parent. was the BD ever contacted? i don't know if she did this to hurt you or because she actually thought her parents were better suited. seeing as you have uncontested custody of your child together she probably wanted to hurt you. i'm sorry for that. but the responsibility ultimately rests with the parent. i'm sure lots of step parents get hurt because of this. but i don't want my ex's spouse to have rights over my children. and if they get hurt because of it, it just has to be that way. i did not choose to have a child with them. ultimately it was the step parent's choice to become involved and love that child, just as it was BM's and BD's choice to have a child together without the permission of anyone else and take on the repercussions of anything that child does until age 18. they chose to become 100 percent responsible for what they have created by becoming parents. and i gladly chose that. but my ex and i are both responsible and fit parents. in your case, both parents are unfit. there are lots of cases like yours. but i would hate to see fit parents' rights infringed upon because there happens to be so many unfit parents out there.
maybe not a stranger to my
maybe not a stranger to my ex, but i didn't choose this person to parent my child. my ex is still solely responsible. and, when that marriage dissolves, so will the relationship between my child and the ex SM, UNLESS my child, my ex or myself wish to continue it. if it were to continue it would be OUR decision, not a law saying it has to.
With rights to them come
With rights to them come responsibility for them. I know there are lots of SMs who'd love to have rights and responsibility for their skids but not me. My skids have been evil shits for 8 years. If something happened to DH, I wouldn't care if I never see them again after they slither off with their dads stuff.
I agree that if you WANT rights there should be a way to get them, but please make this an opt-in law you create
That's a good point
That's a good point sixteensmom and I do appreciate your opinion. I feel that if it was an opt-in law starting from nothing, would you agree that legislature would just say than why have a law in the first place and just keep in place that stepparents would have to fight for any right through courts as it is in most of the states? What do you think?
Let me ask this Cheesedoff if
Let me ask this Cheesedoff if I may. If the BM gives her rights away due to legal issues (drug and alcohol problems) to lets say a relative after you raised the SC for 7 years. Wouldn't you want responsibility to keep raising or at least have visitation rights of some sort? Even if that comes with responsibilities? Your opinion is valuable to me.
I can see where many steps
I can see where many steps get hurt when the kids are gone and I've known some people personally affected but I agree with cocoa - I would NEVER want someone that an ex chose to have rights over my child without my authority just because said ex thought they were just great.
Also, as a SM I wouldn't want to have to face that with my ss's. Rights = responsibility and honestly if their father and I were to divorce I imagine it will be more of a fight because I never want to see them again, than because I just don't want to give up the constant abuse of me and my BS.
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