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FMIL's Birthday Dinner, Why Is BM Going

KatDarling's picture

Submitted by KatDarling on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 6:48pm

Ugh! I just want to scream! It's FMIL's birthday dinner and FDH just casually says to me, "oh yeah BM" is going. Are you serious?! I am just so sick of being forced to be around this entitled bitch who tries repeatedly to sabotage my relationship.

Comments

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:12pm

I wouldn't go and I would tell him that I don't think he should go either. If his family wants to see you, they should see you seperately from her. She isn't family anymore.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 7:38am

>>What possesses these people to invite terrorists to family events?<<

The better question is, what possesses these BMs try to insert themselves into a family that they no longer belong to. I totally get along with ALL of my ex-husbands family, we are FB friends and give hugs when we see each other around town, but if they ever invited me to some family function where I know my ExH would be with his GF, HELL NO would I go! Even if ExH WASN'T going to be there, I still wouldn't go, it would just be wierd. Why do these BMs not see this??

darned confused's picture

Submitted by darned confused on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:30pm

Seriously, this sounds like something my inlaws would do...not being mean just being uneducated to decorum. Perhaps they think that because they had a relationship and blew out a kid or 2 this means that they always have to be tangled someway? Not I think not. Please go the the gathering but do let your feelings be known to whomever planned the affair as gently as possible since you are in a sense marrying htem too.
Thank GOD my BM is not only NOT involved with the inlaws but unfortunately not invovled with her kid either. I guess the good thing is I don't have to tell my MIL, oh hell no, but we don't get weekly respites either. We get to deal with ALL the crap, oh goody.

attempting_to_maintain_composure's picture

Submitted by attempting_to_m... on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 10:44pm

I don't blame you one iota for not wanting to be around her. < sarcasm > Don't you just love how SOs/DHs/FDHs just casually slip bad news like that into conversation, 'cause it's not awkward or uncomfortable for us to be around the BMs at family functions and definitely isn't something we want to be warned of well in advance < /sarcasm >

There is no amount of money in this world that could ever make me attend an event that GUBM was going to attend. I've been blindsided by her presence in the past, and I started making sure to check anytime SO and I were attending a family function to see if she was invited. Thankfully, I no longer need to check.

SO wasn't happy with having her at all of these family functions, either. It took a bit of cajoling on my part, but, SO eventually told his family, point blank, that he was tired of having to deal with her at family functions and that it was making it more difficult than it needed to be to get her to detach from his family if they kept inviting her to events. Yea, she was the type that tried to keep super involved with his family after she dumped him, she succeeded with it for about a year of our relationship until SO put his foot down with his family.

BellaMia's picture

Submitted by BellaMia on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 8:02am

I feel your pain! A forewarning: It might be this way forever or at least for a while. My ridiculously passive H (but only when it comes to his bitch BM's) and I went to lunch with BM #2 and during it, I went off on her dumb ass. She then made the comment "I'm family..." I wanted to SCREAM, "No, you snaggletoothed BITCH! You are NOT! You chose to not be family when you gapped your ass and stole money from this bump on a log sitting next to me!" I looked at H to see if he was going to correct this wench. He didn't.

Just another example in a long line of "And THAT'S why this is never going to work" moments...

My advice is put your foot down. If your FDH supports you, that is a GREAT sign. If not? Be very sure you can deal with getting your feelings shat upon when it comes to his ex.