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hard time coping

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Submitted by smvssd on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 10:07am

I have a step daughter that is 7 years old and 4 boys that are mine. I would take these 4 boys over one girl any day! My husband and his ex have shared custody so we have her for 2 weeks and her mom has her for two weeks. SD lives in this fantasy land that both parents provided and now that im in the picture I have put reality into perspective for dad. Its one thing to do things with your children but going to theme parks constantly, zoo, build a bear, mall, chucky cheese etc. needless to say its rediculous. Constantly buying things for SD so she gets good grades, when is she ever going to learn to do things for self gratification?? BM constantly e mails asking why were doing things differently from her that we should have the exact same rules and that she should be able to call here whenever she wants and question our rules. SD now makes things up to try and get BM to feel bad and buy her things. When my SD is with her mom we talk to her once before bed to say goodnight and thats it. If my SD tells us things about her mom and step dad we simply tell her that if she is feeling a certain way she needs to discuss it with her mother, we do not get involved because we know how manipulative she is. My boys are certainly no little angels but i feel as if i have control over them and no matter what we try with SD it doesnt work and then we have to deal with BM e mailing us questioning our methods once again! Not sure how to cope at all or what to do at this time. I am getting feeling towards my SD that i never felt i could feel towards a child and i dont like it at all. Im starting to wish we had her a lot less Sad

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Submitted by smvssd on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 11:28am

My husband is a wonderful man and even though its hard for him to admit it, he knows that something needs to be done or this is just going to get worse a she gets older. He admits that a lot of this is his own doing because he use to spoil the heck out of her and do everything that BM is still doing. Ever since my husband and I got together though it seems like BM has turned everything into a popularity contest that only shes fighting to win. We have tried to express our worries to BM by email, phone and even face to face but nothing seems to work. My biggest fear with her is that she has no stranger danger at all!! We had a service technician come to our house and she was hanging on him telling him her name, age, getting into his face. We went out to meet some friends and she was rubbing this girls chest and trying to take off her necklace. She has never met this girl before, she was a friend of a friend. She jumped on my 13 year olds lap and started to put her face in his which made him very uncomfortable. Our fiends are constantly complaining about her behavior. My SD doesnt know how to just sit and play, she has to be going somewhere or have a new toy to keep her busy. Constantly lying or manipulating something. Right now we are sending her to her room when she does something wrong and then go in and speak with her after about why she got punished. The first week is hell but then the second week it seems to get better. When she comes back from BM though everything we worked on went out the window. When my SD talks to her mom at night all they talk about is what they are going to do or buy when she gets back. BM uses SD as a way to get info as to what dad does. Its all very frustrating!! As far as the boys go, they love their SD and their SS. Everyone fights just like siblings do. My boys were never brought up to think that the world revolves around them and that they are owed something in life. I do not sugar coat things, I like to tell them the truth and how its going to be. What they get they have to work for. My 3 year old son understands better than my SD does. My husband and i are on the same page thank goodness, we just dont know what to do or say anymore to try and correct the issues.